My Grumpy Dad Calls Customer Service

he deals with a vicious and irritating customer service phone loop.

"Tess' Note:"

Grumpy Old Man Collection



I have to call AT&T every month.

Last month, the bill was $55She spent the first 10 minutes of our conversation trying to repeat everything I was telling her

“Every year, I have to call in April to get your latest promotion so I don’t wind up paying some outrageous price for Wi-Fi,”“This year, I was given the $37 a month promotion. I’m supposed to pay $37, but you always bill me more than that. This month, you billed me $55.”

“Okay, Mr. Stevens, you say you called in April to say that you were charged $55, but were billed only $37?”

“What? No! That’s not even close to what I said.”

“Okay, Mr. Stevens. Give me just a moment and I will see what I can do to solve your problem. May I put you on hold?”

“You don’t even know what my problem is! Hello?”

She was gone. I sat on hold for 10 minutes, knowing that when she returned I’d be no closer to being satisfied.

“Okay, Mr. Stevens, you say your rate is $55, but you…”

I finally reached an English-speaking representative who assured me that if I paid $37, everything would be adjusted correctly on the next bill.

I thanked him and asked where I should send the bill for the last hour of my life. He laughed. I didn’t.

However, the “current charges” were $82.

“What? Eighty-two dollars!”

Tess' Note:

Then, I swear to God, I reached the same damn Filipino woman.I was explaining my problem to a man whose command of the English language made the Filipino woman seem like a dialect coach for an actor trying to learn a Midwestern accent.

who must have become a supervisor by being less competent than his peers

“Thank you,”

This guy sounded like he’d grown up in Chicago. What a relief!

“May I help you?”

“Yes,”“Did the supervisor brief you?”

“Brief me? No.”

“So, no one told you why I called?”

“No. No one told me,” he said.

“Of course,”

So, I spent the next couple of minutes explaining that I’m supposed to pay $37 dollars a month, but always get billed more. This time it’s $82. Blah, blah, blah.

“When did you get your bill?”

“It came in the mail today,”

“Well, I don’t have it in my computer yet, so I won’t be able to deal with it.”

Tess' Note:

“What do you mean you don’t have it in your computer? I just received a paper bill in the snail mail! You have to have it in your computer. How could AT&T generate a bill and mail it to me if it’s not in the AT&T computer? That’s impossible!”

"I understand you frustration, sir,”

“Again, I ask you: How is that possible? You sent me a bill. It took three days to get here. I’m looking at it! But you don’t have it in your system?”

“That’s correct, sir. All I can do is promise to make sure the necessary adjustments are made so your $37 payment will be sufficient.”

“Can you promise to make sure the necessary adjustments are made so I don’t have to call again next month?” I asked.

“I can try, sir, but I couldn’t promise,” he said sincerely.

“Can you see that I get reimbursed for the last 57 minutes of my life?”

“No, sir. I can’t.”

“Okay,” I said. “Have a great month and we’ll chat in September.

I hung up knowing that death and taxes are no longer the only two inevitabilities in my life.


The good ship sails on: Musician, Artist, Writer, Poet, Actress Follow me on Twitter: @TessStevens My Music:
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