3 rounds with myself

Round one I stare off and consider all the possibilities kinda like ordering at a restaurant only with much more serious consequences then I wonder why do I even wanna do anything? it's insane no normal person does this Do I have any idea how bad I'll hurt the only person I care about? Back and forth these thoughts swing around Like two boxers circling each other testing distance Sighing heavily I go back to hardly saying a word the person I love is so frustrated and I never knew it's all my fault yet here I am making things worse again dizzy from all the spinning around in my head I stumble to my corner Round two the possibilities turn into urges now and I long for them Like longing for someone far away just then I lose control all these thoughts finally took their toll I take a right hook to the head before I come to my senses and figure out what's going on another comes my hands can't even block as more come they shower over my head making me delirious nothing matters anymore nothing is real against the ropes I'm hoping to just black out completely leave the world if only for a little while teetering on the ropes the punches don't stop it's just me against myself and I'm losing Round three I can't even see straight anymore don't even remember who I love and how much they mean to me all I see is endless fists coming at me then a blade is in my face I can't ignore it before I can hide it attacks me slicing at my wrist like crazy the blood starts to come out and its comforting but guilt starts to eat away at me I suddenly remember who I love and all the pain I cause its too late now I already made it worse I couldn't save them from me then again they didn't wanna be saved the guilt eats away at me and I wanna hide when they talk I try to keep my distance it's so hard I just want to cling to them but I distance myself instead to hopefully end their pain finally all goes black a clean knock out there is no winner

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