To start off, this year for me has been extremely hard. School, emotions, stress etc. Summer was fine. I got to hang out with my middle school friends and
OMG GUESS WHAT I DISCOVERED
kpop heavenUNDERSTANDAnd I love it all.amazing
I'm going to talk about some sad topics now but if you want to avoid it (perfectly ok) scroll till you see
BIG BOLD LETTERS
Like that ^^ ☝ here's a freebie beast gif
I was busy over the summer. I was working and doing summer homework and doing test prep. In the middle of it all, I had a bout of depression. During that time and after it, I was so scared. But due to this experience, I changed? I definitely grew much more thankful for the people around me. The people who deal with my quirks, spontaneity and especially my silent times. But I really want to touch base on something recent. The passing of Daniel Kyre.
Daniel Kyre. Youtuber, Musician, Crazy. To be honest, I wasn't all about that Cyndago life. I enjoyed their work but it was a bit too inappropriate for me to be comfortable with but they are hilarious. Dan reminded me of myself. He was the quiet one of Cyndago and the one who worked the most behind the scenes. On Monday, I had found out that he had attempted suicide and eventually passed away due to brain damage. Monday and Tuesday were extremely hard days for me this week. I was also sick, which did not help me at all. I don't know exactly how to express what I feel about Daniel's death. I regret not knowing him more, not reaching out to him but I regret more the fact that I once felt like that, especially now that I can see how his passing affected his friends (ex. Markiplier who posted a video on his youtube channel) and only to imagine how his family feels. A lot of this is regret just piling up. I wish I could be better, I wish I wasn't so sad sometimes, I wish I was smarter, I wish I was a better athlete, I wish I could play an instrument, I wish I was more outgoing. I wish I could just tell my parents how much I love them.
And so, that brings me to RULE #1
DO WHAT YOU LOVE AND DONT REGRET IT (it's hard I know
actually follow your dreams.
But what is our dream? And will we be able to live off of it?
The "unconventional dreams" are dreams of jobs where you don't have much economic stability. It'll be very hard and you'll love it, but you'll wish you lived a better life. We hear many success stories of people pursuing their dreams and making their name on the world's grand stage. But, of course these people are the very few minority, and many of them have the financial ability to fail and change their path unlike the vast majority of working class and poor people. (woah I'm getting technical)
My point is,
Happiness is hard to find. But you'll find it. It'll come through a ton of hardships, self-doubt, and regrets.
But believe in it. And you'll get there.
Sorry for the cliche rants and the flow that jumps around everywhere ackkk
THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR READING!!!
And I wish all of you best of luck in everything and hugs for everyone!!!