It's time for another awesome horoscope!
Aries- Damsel in Distress
You're about to be put in immediate danger (likely kidnapped and imprisoned in another castle) to create the premise for your hero friend's quest.
Notable examples include: Princess Peach from Super Mario, Kallen from Code Geass, and most of the female cast of Sin City.
Taurus- Evil Matriarch
There's good news and bad news. The good news: Everyone fears you. The bad news: You're probably wicked, and not in the fun, showtunes-filled green way.
Notable examples include: Yubaba from Spirited Away, Talia al Ghul, and Adria from Diablo III.
Gemini- Girlfriend in the Refridgerator
You're dead in an appliance somewhere. Don't worry: your death was not in vain. That was all it took to motivate your hero friend to do the right thing.
Notable examples include: Gwen Stacy, Sarah from Castlevania, and of course the original Alexandra DeWitt from Green Lantern.
Cancer- Defecting for Love
You have a lot of very strong beliefs... and you're a hot second away from ditching them for a guy. You can't help it. He's dreamy.
Notable examples include: Black Widow, Hilde from Gundam Wing, and Selene from Underworld.
You're not really a feminist, you just play one on tv. Don't worry, we'll send you back to the kitchen soon, and it'll be hilarious!
Notable examples include: Benio from Ouran High School Host Club, and Superia and Man-Killer from Marvel.
Virgo- Rubber Spine
Forget Reed Richards, your spine is more flexible than a rubber band. As long as it means we can see your boobs and butt at the same time. Please see a chiropractor.
Notable examples include: any series with excessive fanservice, and any art by Rob Liefeld.
Libra- Manic Pixie Dream Girl
Your only mission in life from here on out is to help others achieve happiness. Because you have such a surplus of it!
Notable examples include:
Scorpio- One of the Boys
You had like ten thousand brothers growing up so of course you're super tough now. That's definitely not something you could have come up with on your own.
Notable examples include: Samus, Clea from Doctor Strange, and Haruhi Suzumiya.
Sagittarius- Pretty All Along
You tricked us with your glasses and nerdy tendencies! But it's time to give up all of your substance because on the inside, you're a pretty girl and that's all that matters.
Notable examples include: every teen movie from the 90s.
Capricorn- Madonna-Whore Complex
There are clearly only two kinds of women in the entire world: those that deserve to be protected, and those that deserve to be punished. For what? Who knows! Who cares?!
Notable examples include: Betty and Veronica, and Sakura and Karin from Naruto.
Aquarius- Classy Cat Burglar
You're not really stealing things, you're just liberating them. From someone else's possession to your own! Fortunately people will be too dazed by your "charm" to do anything about it.
Notable examples include: Catwoman (duh), Psiren from Fullmetal Alchemist, and Rogue from Sonic the Hedgehog.
Pisces- Token Girl
You're pretty much just here because it keeps people from complaining. At least you're not something water-based.
Notable examples include: Black Widow, Smurfette, and Candy Kong from Donky Kong.