Spend a Day at a RollerCoaster Tycoon Theme Park

For everyone that's been born after the inception of computers, we've all played some version of a "Tycoon" game. You know the ones, right? You act as a business owner and then you eventually build up whatever you're Tycoon-ing and your parents are proud of you because they know they've raised a good son and not a smelly prick that plays computer games all day.

Anyway, one of the more popular of Tycoon games is RollerCoaster Tycoon. I can remember spending countless hours playing or watching someone play this game. But no one really spent the time to make an actual theme park. It was just rollercoasters with no ending and a bunch of people puking all over the place. It'd be terrible to imagine what that experience would actually be like, right?

WRONG. The fine people over at AndrewMFilms gave us that experience. The short above has a first-person perspective so it really puts the viewer in the head of an amusement park visitor. And wow! Let me tell you, it's really something worth watching. Seeing all those park benches pop up in front of you, it's like living in The Matrix (we already are, be wary).

The last time I was at an actual amusement park, I wasn't puking all over the place but, wait, actually maybe I was mentally puking all over the place. I mean, do you know how much it costs to spend an entire day at a theme park? Think about all the gross shit you stuff into your face that is way to expensive and the lines you have to stand in for two hours only to get something out of it that lasts 15 seconds.

That's kind of like sex, you know? I mean, there's a lot of build up but when it's actually happening it's like "well, that was 15 minutes of sweating that I could have done without". I'm not trying to hate on having sex, I just hate having sex. There's way too much that goes into it and I can't afford to wait on line for another 2 hours just to get a couple minutes of pleasure. Sex and amusement parks are great and all but they aren't worth the guilt you have post-experience.

Like living in a horror movie where you know you're dead at the end of it but there's nothing you can do to change that.

And that's what ends up happening with this short. Yeah, it's fun to make your own theme park but what about the lives at stake? What about all the people who want to go home after your shitty rides make them puke? What about all the relationships your ending with weird amusement park related deaths?

I guess that really doesn't matter. Because they're all video game people. And we all know video games are bullshit. Just like life, love, honest relationships, and believing in yourself.

Fuck. I don't know what happened to me. Sorry everyone.

i did all that i could.
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