Let's Remember: Rogue Warrior, Bethesda's Biggest Mistake

Rogue Warrior is a game that came out in 2009 that shouldn't have came out at all. I'm serious. There should have been one person in the world who should have said, "You know, this was a mistake, this was a giant poopy-poop mistake". But nope. And the worst part of it is that Bethesda (the studio behind The Elder Scrolls and Fallout) still decided to publish this weird pile of garbage.

I'm serious. It was a giant pile of garbage. I'm not saying that from a place of "oh I'm a millennial and I heard that an older brother of mine played this and said it was butts so I'm going to say it's butts". I'm saying it from a place of "WHY THE FUCK DID I BUY THIS GAME WHEN I WAS 19 YEARS OLD".

If you don't know anything about this game, here's all you need to know:

that

OH. RIGHT. YEP. TOTALLY. A "CHARACTER-DRIVEN FIRST-PERSON-SHOOTER".

If by character-driven they mean you literally drive your character through different corridors killing unnamed people for reasons that are just "Government" then maybe, yeah, sure. But there's nothing to Richard "Demo Dick" Marcinko in this game. He's a weird Mickey Rourke action hero.

He goes through the game cursing through his teeth and graveling his throat so hard it sunds like Rourke ran sandpaper down his esophagus before recording sessions. I remember sitting down, playing this game, and wondering what the fuck was going on.

Whatever, forever

If this game is a game that happened then anything is possible. People are scared Donald Trump might be president. But you know what? It might actually happen because nothing is real anymore. I mean, take a look at the way they ended this game.

They mixed up Mickey Rourke's voiceover work into a weird rap song.

They mixed up Mickey Rourke's voiceover work into a weird rap song.

They. Mixed. Up. Mickey. Rourke's. Voiceover. Work. Into. A. Weird. Rap. Song.

Yeah. I'm done. I mean, if you like this game, you might be the weirdest human being to have ever lived. But me, no way. Nope. Nuh uh. Nope. Nope.

i did all that i could.
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