10 Mistakes Dudes Make In Their Dating Profiles

Don't pretend like you're not on the dating apps: Tinder, Bumble, Grindr whatever. I don't know what you do when the lights are off, but that's alright, but let me help you succeed.

Nobody knows what makes people swipe right. It could be your look, your eyes, your hair, your "about" section. Perfecting these things take time, and we all know we don't want to admit that we like to impress people, but newsflash: we do.

So, without further ado here are a few tips I've picked up in my journey to right-swiped-ness.

1. You're not honest.

Nobody is going to respect an about me section that looks like this:

"Hiii my name is David, I'm 6' 3'', I'm a professional basketball player and an Oxford scholar. I'm rich, fit and I don't QUIT! Right swipe for an intellectual conversation! XO"

STOP.

YOU'RE NOT REAL.

COME ON.

2. Your profile picture isn't even you.

In the immortal words of Brendon Urie: "I fell in love with your profile picture, but you look nothing like your profile pic gurl."

If you clearly jacked a profile picture from a celebrity or someone else, people will know. I matched with this dude who clearly jacked his picture from Bo Burnham, a comic. And I was like "That's definitely a picture of Bo Burnham".

He never responded.

3. You only have group photos.

I have a rule: if you're in a group photo, it's an automatic left swipe, because like....WHO ARE YOU?

4. Your bio is blank.

AGAIN WHO ARE YOU??? Come on, do a little bit of research, some introspective stuff. What are your interests? What do you like to do. Words can do a lot!

5. You're wearing hats / sunglasses in all of your photos.

SERIOUSLY, STOP HIDING, WHAT DO YOU LOOK LIKE? To say that looks aren't important is just dumb. Like, get over yourself and face the music. Tinder is about a first impression, and yours is like...shrouded in mystery.

6. Your bio says "I'm not an asshole."

You're clearly an asshole. If you have to tell someone that you're not a jerk...come on dude. Come on.

7. You confess that you're "self employed."

Unless you're the CEO of a company, it's safe to say that you don't have a job. Sorry, left swipe. It might be harsh, but fix that shit. I'd rather it say, "I'm a tortured artist, and I'm working on my dream."

Bam.

Right swipe.

8. You're in pictures with lots of chicks who are really hot.

I don't want to compete with your harem. Left swipe.

9. You're a creep after we right swipe.

Yes this is beyond the profile, but your first message is very important in continuing a relationship online. Don't get me started about unsolicited "pictures" or messages that talk about...you know, inappropriate things. Just make sure that you're getting to know someone for the right reason, and your success rate will skyrocket.

10. If you're honest, personable and genuine in your messages after we right swipe you, you'll have no problem snagging a date.

Seriously, all of this aesthetic stuff aside, just be yourself. Women love to be able to talk and hang around someone who actually cares about what they say, and wants to be with them for more than their looks.

You'll get there. Just make sure that you're contacting people for the right reasons, and if at all possible...please refrain from sending us pictures of your things. We don't want that. Seriously. It's not cute.

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That's all I got, happy swiping.

The good ship sails on: Musician, Artist, Writer, Poet, Actress Follow me on Twitter: @TessStevens My Music: www.soundcloud.com/TessStevens Vingle.net/TessStevens
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