How to Choose Part 7

Being in South Korea was bittersweet. The joy of being close to Namjoon and Taehyung was battling with the discussions you used to have. Talking about anything and everything with Tae as he tried to add words to his English. Laughing at each other, enjoying just being yourself for a time. Talking to Namjoon on deep subjects, discovering and exploring that you are more intelligent than you thought. The fact that he listened to your point of view, wanted to hear it was an incredible feeling. Times that you would normally be on skype or chat with them was now spent together, all three of you and as long as they were with you, they didn’t seem to care that there wasn’t any talking, they were happy to just be. The week continued as it started; up at the crack of dawn telling the guys goodbye, following either their group around or one of the others (helps to be rounded right?), dinner with Jimin; you'd taken to inviting Ken to join you, and occasionally the guys show up. No matter how harrowing their schedule, without fail each night a knock comes to the hotel room door at 9:30 pm. A couple of times they were so exhausted they barely got their shoes off before they collapsed onto the bed. On those nights you would ask why they bothered coming and not just going straight to the dorm. The answer varies between just being wrapped in a hug or being told, “You are not here much longer, time well spent.” Skinship was becoming a hard thing in public. When you sleep in someone’s arms each night, your bodies pressed together intimately, your body just sort of wants the feel of them again when you see them. Distraction worked better if you lugged your laptop around and uploaded pictures, wrote your notes into actual sentences and paragraphs. Keeping your mind and your hands busy, was a must on days that you followed the group around. Because days that were spent driving from one location to another, ended up with bored little hands and minds torturing you with flirty texts. “You never say to me, name or such, just talk why?” “You want to be my Oppa?” “Not when said that way, I want no part in being your brother.” Shocked emoji A few times when the group moved as one from place to place, an innocent face would pop up next to you, a hand brushes over the swell of your bum or the indent of your hip, fingers would find fingers and just squeeze for a few seconds. Playing the gentleman was their favorite; if they held a door open for you, they would then follow you through with a hand at the small of your back. Things were getting frustrating. Yay for them and their touching games! However, you were being touched by two! That isn’t a horrible thing but it is making your decision hard and the harder the decision, the more frustrated you become. Kissing pecks on the cheeks, forehead, and lips were nothing compared to the real thing and you wanted the real thing. But you can’t have the real thing because it wasn’t fair to one to kiss the other. You have four more days until you say goodbye. Three days until your heart gets ripped out of its chest at the thought of not seeing their faces each night and morning. Maybe it was time all three of you had a talk but then just how awkward was this talk going to be? “Oh hey, so you two have me majorly sexually frustrated right now, I can’t take it anymore! I also can’t decide between you because I love you both, so what are we going to do about that?” Hmm, perhaps it shouldn’t go like that, putting the thought of a threesome into either of their heads was dangerous. Why does life have to be so hard? As if you were all thinking the same thoughts, that night when they showed up, they freaked you out by taking your hands and getting serious. “We have talked it over,” Namjoon starts, “and have each decided that we would like one day with you all to ourselves. What is your thought on this?” They were going to make you choose before you left. It would kill you to hurt one of the them and choosing between them would do just that. “We are happy doing this,” Taehyung starts, “but miss time alone chatting like before. You miss?” Your emotions are suddenly out of control and you have no idea why. You smile weakly and nod, words suddenly gone. A tear sneaks out and is rolling down your face when Namjoon sees. “We have made you unhappy?” he asks as he gently wipes the wetness from your cheek. “That was not our intention Jagi. Tell us what to do to make it better.” You start shaking your head no but more tears escape, trying to prove you a liar. Taehyung is off his chair and kneeling in front of you, trying to see your face, wiping at the tears that mock you. He gently lifts your chin so he can see your eyes and he just sits there, staring into your soul, not saying a word. You close your eyes and take a deep breath, now or never you tell yourself. You smile, “I would love to spend one on one time with each of you. I have missed our chats a lot, it just isn’t the same.” They both shift but say nothing and wait for you to finish. “Don’t get me wrong, this, THIS is heaven. I will never have anything like this in my life again, but I feel like you want me to choose between you and I can’t, I won’t. Not yet, maybe never.” Namjoon and Taehyung look at each other, a silent communication you can see but not be privy to. They both nod and then turn back to you. A mutual agreement you aren’t sure they will ever tell you about. “I will come, just me, tomorrow night. I already know where I want to take you and what we do. This is still good?” Taehyung asks. “Yes, still good,” you reply with a smile, getting one back in return. “I will come for you the next night. I still have a few things to iron out in my plan,” he says suddenly turning shy. You squeeze his hand that hasn’t yet let yours go, “That is good also,” you say and he smiles and nods. “The night before you leave, it has been decided, that we have kept you to ourselves too much. You will come and hang with Bangtan, a party for your departure.”


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