WARNING: Mature content
- Hoseok's point of view - I might as well go to bed. It's early, but I'm both physically and mentally exhausted. I don't think anyone wants me around tonight anyway. I'm sure the other three won't want to come back to the room anytime soon since I'm in here. Well, I'm by myself. Would it be weird to call her again so soon? I don't want to seem needy. I am kind of needy though, at least for right now. I just don't feel good. I'm sure she won't mind. She's probably just sitting alone anyway. It rings a few times and she answers. "Hello?" "Hi. Am I calling you at a bad time?" "No, I just didn't think you'd be calling me so soon." "Am I being needy! You can tell me and I'll stop!" She giggles. "Relax. You're not being needy, I just didn't think I'd be on your mind right now." "You are." "I figured that out when you called me. So how did the show go?" "Fine. Everyone said I had a lot more energy than usual." "Really? How'd you manage that when you were probably half-dead? I didn't know you performed last night, when you seemed so normal and not at all tired. And you didn't get much sleep. I bet you were sore too." "Yep. I hurt all over and I was super tired today, but I was so happy that I didn't think about it." "Well, that's good to hear." "So what did you do today?" "Went shopping since it's my last day here. Wandered around for a while just checking out the city. Then came back about an hour ago. Since then I've been watching your videos." "What! You said you weren't going to!" "I said I wouldn't look at anything besides your music videos. So I've just been watching those." "For some reason that feels embarrassing." "Why?" "Because you're watching what I do and I'm afraid to look dumb to you. Especially since you don't listen to Korean music so you probably think it's kind of weird already." "I don't know why you'd think I'd be so closed minded. I think they were neat. They were creative and interesting. You all did great. And you looked so young in that one with the other three boys, I think it was called Beautiful? Oh and you looked so little in the graduation one too!" "See! It's embarrassing!" "Why? I said you looked young not dumb. I think you did very well for not even having fully started yet." "That helps a little." "But I did find this other thing from a few years ago." "What?" "You weren't labeled as J-Hope, you were Jung Ho Suk." "You mean that one?" "Animal?" I let out a loud groan. Those were always such flashy performances; I mean my shirt actually had feathers on it. "What! I didn't say anything! I thought you did great on that too! You should be proud that you were on a track before you debuted." "Stop it." "Fine. What if I say you looked very good in...what was the name of it. You were all dressed in different work uniforms?" "Dope?" "Yes! I really liked all your dancing! It was great!" "Thank you." That actually made me smile. "And it wasn't a music video but I watched a performance of this rap one that everyone was talking about in comments." "Cypher?" "Part 3! I had to listen to a lyric video after, to actually hear the song because the sound quality of the video wasn't too great, but you were so cool! You looked so awesome on stage! Just so cool!" "Really?" "Yes, definitely! It really surprised me." "Am I that uncool in person?" "No, you're just a different kind of cool." "I get it. I'm lame. Say no more." "You're not lame! Don't put words in my mouth! Especially mean ones." "Fine, fine. I won't." "I watched a few others. The I Need You one was sad though. I didn't much care for watching you die." I laugh. "It's good to know you don't like watching me die." "It's true so don't laugh at me. Anyway, I like all the different dances you do and you really sound like hip-hop. So good for you guys." "Don't become too much of a fan or I'll get jealous that you like all them too." "Don't worry about that. For me, you're still the most charismatic one and you dance the best, too. Plus, I like you and not them, so you don't need to be jealous." "I know I don't need to, but I will be if you talk about them too much." "Okay, I'll try to keep that in mind. So what are you doing now? I figured you'd be with all of the guys." "I would be, but they're not too happy with me right now." "Why?" "Because I told them about us." "Why'd you tell them so soon?" "Namjoon said to get it all out at once so it was done and out in the open. I had to apologize to them for what I did last night and this morning anyway." "Wait. What did you do this morning?" I don't want to tell her. I don't want her to feel bad or think it's her fault. But I don't want to start lying immediately after getting with her. "Well, when I went back to the room this morning, one of the guys pushed me against a door and started yelling at me. He wouldn't listen to anything I was saying and I got mad. I knocked him down and started provoking him. I guess it looked like I was about to punch him. That's not like me. So I had to say sorry for that too." "Wow. I'm sorry that all happened. I guess I'm partially to blame too." "No, you're not! I wouldn't have been so upset in the first place if I'd have given you an actual goodbye. It's not your fault." "But he wouldn't have been yelling at you if it wasn't for-" "Boram, it's not your fault and you don't need to feel like it is. It's my fault, and mine alone." "Okay." "Thank you." "So, what did they do when you told them about us?" "First, I had to tell them that I gave you my number. They were extremely irritated by that. They all thought I was being irresponsible." "I can see why they'd think that." "When I told them I had been crying at the airport because I was trying to get you to be with me they were quiet. Then when I said you were hesitant to be with me they honestly seemed relieved." "But then you told them that I had decided to try." "Yeah. Then the oldest started yelling at Namjoon for not stopping me, but he said it's not his place to stop me from being happy. He made this big long speech and then said it's no one's right to judge me when they don't understand what I'm feeling because they've never felt it. That made everyone be quiet." "I like this Namjoon guy. He's really there for you." "He is. Then I said sorry for making trouble and being selfish. But having to say sorry for being in a relationship made me a little irritated; because I shouldn't have to apologize for that." "No you shouldn't. If they think you're being selfish, that's their hang up. I don't think it's selfish to want to be with someone." "Neither do I. That's why I didn't like having to say sorry just to make them feel better. Since I was already irritated I sort of went off on a rant." "About what?" "About them being selfish. They always expect me to cheer them up and motivate them, but if I need cheering up, they either barely try to help me or ignore it all together. I said I shouldn't have to apologize for wanting someone in my life that can make me happy when no one else seems to care. I want someone for me to care about and someone to care about me. I'm not sorry for that." "Don't be. Obviously this has been bothering you for a long time so like you said, maybe it was better to get everything out in the open. They do sound like they were being a little hypocritical; I think you were justified in what you said." "But right now I'm sad, I'm mad, and I feel bad for saying it, even if it needed to be said." "You feel bad because they're important to you. If it were people you didn't care about, then it wouldn't bother you. They'll think about what you said and either realize they were wrong or blow you off. I hope they realize they were in the wrong too, but if they blow you off then things will probably go back to normal. Which is good and bad; they won't be mad at you, but they'll continue treating you like they have been." "Yeah. I'm not mean, right? I just told them how I felt. That's not mean, I could have been really mean about it if I wanted to. I didn't yell, I didn't swear, and I didn't call anyone any names because I wasn't trying to be mean." "You weren't mean, you were honest." "I think the only one who understands where I'm coming from is Namjoon since people rely on him a lot too." "At least there's someone on your side." "That's true, but I'm still a little worried." "About what?" "I kinda have a feeling that the guys aren't going to like you. That they'll think you're making me dramatic or mean. I'm sure over time they'll realize that you're not and I was only like that because they weren't being fair." She's quiet for a while. "If they don't like me, will you end this? I'd completely understand, because your group is far more important than some girl you just met. I'm not so arrogant to think otherwise. I'm just wondering." "No. They can go ahead and not like you for all I care. I wouldn't let them talk badly about you or let them harass me about it; I'd still stick up for myself and our relationship. Of course I'd prefer they like you, but if they refuse to, then I wouldn't leave you because of their pettiness. I'll make my own choices in my personal life; they won't dictate what I do with my own time. They'd just have to get over it." I pause for a moment. "But I think eventually, when they see how happy you make me and that you aren't a distraction, that they'll come to like you." I laugh a little. "I think Namjoon hopes so too, he probably doesn't want to be stuck as the only person who has to hear about you." Her voice is a little shakey. "I'm glad you'd do that. I hope they like me; that way it'll be easier for you." "Are you crying?" "Just a little." "Why?" "I've never had someone be so adamant and sure of themselves when it came to being with me. Maybe it's because you're still a little immature when it comes to this, but I really hope that doesn't change over time." "What do you mean by immature?" "Nothing mean. You just don't have a lot of experience with dating. Although, I'm just assuming that, I really have no idea. Just seems like you'd be way too busy." I let out a sad sigh. "Your assumption is correct." "I could tell." "How? Am I that weird?" "Not at all! It's just sometimes the things you say sound a little like something a young teen would say. That doesn't make it any less sweet though, believe me. I like the...how do I say this. I like the purity behind your words. You're not trying to sound perfect, you're just saying how you feel. That makes it really meaningful." "Really? I sound like a teenager when I say things?" "Of course that's what you get stuck on. I told you it's only some things and I told you it's fine. Sure there's going to be many things that will change, you'll get more mature over time; but I hope you don't change that specific quality about you and that you keep saying what you feel without trying to find the perfect words to try and make me happy. Your pure, honest words will always make me happier." "If you say so, but that seems like a little bit of a backhanded compliment." "That's only because you see it as a bad thing. It's not. For me, I don't want a sweet talker. Remember when you said you really thought I looked better in your shirt than you ever did. Then you made it very clear that you weren't only saying that to make me feel good whether it was true or not?" "Yeah." "That's exactly what I mean. It made me feel really happy to know that you meant what you said and you weren't just saying it." "Oh. I guess that's not that bad. If that's all it is, then I'm okay. As long as everything else I did last night wasn't like a teenager." She laughs hard. "No, no, no! Definitely not! I assure you that you were amazing, so don't worry about that." I feel my cheeks blush a little. "I was amazing?" "Yes, I'm serious. You really were amazing." I laugh a little. "Wow. That means a lot coming from you. Well, if that's all we have for another year, then I'm glad it was good." "I agree. That should be good enough to last us awhile." I sigh. "I feel a little better now since I got to talk about it. I don't have anyone else to talk to so this is really nice." "I'm sure it is. I don't mind listening to you. I'm glad you're so willing to tell me all this. You know, you're quite the open book." "I guess I am, aren't I. You're really easy to talk to though, that's probably why. I don't think I'd be so talkative with just anyone." "I feel so special." I can hear her smiling again as she talks. "You are special." "Guess what." "What?" "You were a little romantic just now and it was actually very sweet and it didn't make me laugh." I laugh. "I'm a fast learner, huh?" "Apparently so." ... "Hoseok?" "What?" "You didn't say anything for like an entire minute." "Really?" She giggles. "Yes. I think you fell asleep." I yawn. "I must have. Sorry." "It's fine. Why don't you go to sleep? You need to rest." "Are you sure?" "Yeah, it's fine. I don't want you to get rundown from working too hard with no sleep. Take it when you can get it." "I suppose. Goodnight Boram." Just saying her name makes me smile and saying goodnight makes me so comfortable. "Goodnight Hoseok, sweet dreams." "Bye." "Bye." Ah, she said sweet dreams. I don't remember the last time someone told me that. I'll definitely be able to sleep well tonight.