Parts: all found here
- Boram's point of view -
It's been a couple weeks since I've been back home. He's been texting me whenever he's able to and calling sometimes when he has the chance.
I get it though, he's a busy guy. I told him not to worry about me and that he didn't need to stay up late in order to talk to me. It's weird though trying to match up times that work to talk to eachother. But I'm a night owl and an early riser; so I'm usually awake whenever he manages to find a chance to call. I still wake up and answer though if I'm sleeping.
It's unhealthy to not sleep much, but I've been doing it for years and I'm alright still. Coffee helps a lot.
He said he's done touring though. I've been looking forward to that. He said once he's back home he'd be able to actually video chat with me. I want to see him so badly. Pictures are great, but it's not the same.
I actually went to bed a little early last night. I got a solid five hours of sleep. He said he'd be home today and he'd be able to chat with me tonight. Which for me could be between five or eight in the morning.
Good thing I work in the evening, I'll probably just go back to sleep after. I hope we can talk for a little while. It doesn't have to be too, too long, but I'd like a decent amount of time to see him.
Well, regardless; I could get thirty seconds and still be happy so I can't be greedy.
Oh, a text.
"Just have to turn on my computer"
"Hurry up >_<"
"Shush. I can't make it turn on any faster just because you said so"
"Wanna bet? Tell it I said to turn on"
"You're weird. I'm not going to relay messages between you and my electronics"
"Fine! Just hurry up!"
"I'm signing in so calm down"
Ah, just one click and I can see him. So amazing.
"Hi! How are you! Are you tired out? How's everyone doing, are they tired out too?" I'm smiling like an idiot, but I don't care.
He laughs and speaks in English, "You're talking fast and you're talking in English. Can we talk in Korean?"
I laugh, I didn't mean to do that. I keep speaking in English, but a little slower. "Are you sure you can't speak English just for a minute?"
He smiles. "Okay. Just a minute. Only because I like the way you sound."
"What do you mean?"
"It's different. I never heard someone from America talk like that."
"Oh my accent! It's really thick, is it difficult to understand? My town is the worst in the state apparently when it comes to accents."
"No. It's not too hard to get when you talk slower. It's cute though. Different, but cute."
I feel my cheeks blush. "Thanks. I like your English, it's pretty good. You make it seem like it's impossible for you to speak it."
"I don't like how it sounds. It sounds bad."
"I think it's very nice. People in America would probably have an easier time understanding you than me."
He laughs. "No, I don't think so."
"I'm serious! When I've gone out of state, I've been asked what country I'm from! They think I'm from some European country."
"Yep. That's why I'm trying my hardest to speak without it and speak clearly."
"Talk with it. I want to hear what it sounds like."
"Don't laugh because it sounds really stupid and you won't understand one word."
"I won't laugh."
It's hard to be put on the spot, especially when it's to use an accent that sounds ridiculous.
His face is hilarious, but that's so sad that I can get that reaction just from talking like I normally do.
"What was that? That's not English, you're lying." I think he's too confused to even laugh.
"It was English I assure you. I said, "Hey, so what are you up to?" We all understand it here. We run our words together and don't use consonants much. My tongue barely moves when I talk normally."
I switch to Korean, "Let's go to this. Not only so you can understand me, but I'd like to keep some of my dignity."
"So how were the last concerts?"
"Fine. They went well."
"I'm sure you're pretty worn out."
"Yeah, no doubt about that. How have you been?"
"Good. Life's normal, go to work and come home. Go out with a friend sometimes."
He pouts a little. "You know, you still haven't told me your job."
I hate admitting what I do. "I know."
"It's not exactly a great job."
"Well, I'm a waitress and sometimes a bartender."
"What's wrong with that?"
"It's not exactly a "classy" place; but I make good money from tips so I just stay there."
"What's so bad about it?"
"It's in another town, so I have to drive over an hour to get there, so that's a drag. Customers can be rude, too."
"You just said they tip good."
"They do. I don't like most of them though."
"Are they men?"
That's why I don't want to talk about it.
"Generally, yes. They don't exactly treat the staff very respectfully."
"Do they talk bad to you? They don't touch you do they!"
Why'd he have to bring this up.
I sigh. "They don't talk nicely all the time, no. And yes occasionally they'll grab or smack my ass. I can't really avoid it."
He looks so disappointed. That's why I didn't want to tell him. I knew I'd have to eventually, but I didn't want to spoil this with that. Plus, I can see the look on his face, at least over the phone I wouldn't be able to.
"I know. I'm not proud that I let myself be treated like that just because on busy nights I can make a hundred dollars, sometimes two. But it's a job regardless and I have to work."
"I understand. It's not your fault."
"I'm sorry. That's why I didn't want to talk about it right now. It kind of ruined your mood."
"For a second it did. But as much as I don't like the idea of that happening, I actually really, really hate it and it kinda pisses me off in all honesty, I can't tell you not to. It's not easy finding a job, I know that."
He's too understanding, it makes me feel so bad. He hates it, but he says he can't stop me. I know he can't, but he obviously wants to.
"I'm sorry I'm not turning out to be as lovely as the girl you may have thought I was."
He looks away, he's thinking. I hate this; waiting while he's thinking of how trashy I am is painful. I can't cry. I don't want him to feel bad for me and not say what he feels because I'm crying.
He looks down. "No, you're definitely not exactly what I expected. I'm not going to lie to you, a relationship can't be built on lies."
"Let me finish. But that doesn't mean I don't like you because of what I'm finding out. No, I don't like your job, but that's not who you are. That's not you, it's just how you pay your bills. You obviously don't like it, so it doesn't define you. I'm mature enough to understand that. I don't like the idea of men touching you, like I said, it makes me mad to think about it. That's just how it is though. I like you Boram, and your job is just a job, it won't make me think poorly of you."
Now I'm crying a little. "Hoseok, why are you so forgiving?"
"Because you forgave me. It's give and take. I can't simply take your kindness and not return it. More importantly, you deserve to be treated well and I'll be damned if I'm going to treat you any other way."
I smile a little. "And you say you're not good with lovey words. You're very sweet and straightforward with your feelings. I like that so much. I'm very lucky to have met you. Extremely lucky."
"I'm lucky too. So can we stop feeling sad or upset, or whatever those feelings were. I want us to be happy when we talk."
"Me too. So how is everything going with the other members? Have they still been okay with this?"
"Yep. They're okay, they aren't giving me a hard time. They understand why I want this, so they're staying out of it for the most part."
"That's good! I'm so glad! I really don't want to cause any problems for you or them, they'll just resent me and you'll feel bad. I'd hate making your life more difficult."
"Ah, you don't! Not at all; actually you do the opposite. You make me less stressed. I have someone to talk to, and being able to care about someone is a really nice feeling." He has a big smile. "Being cared about is pretty great too."
His smile always makes me smile too. "I'm glad I can help you like you help me."
He suddenly jumps a little. "Hold on!" As he leaves the room he's mumbling about forgetting something.
A minute or two later he comes back and he's pretty much pulling another boy by the arm. What's he doing?
He turns to him. "Sit down and just be happy for two minutes, you act like it's so hard."
He sits down in another chair by Hoseok. "Now, what is it you want?"
Hoseok gestures to the boy. "Boram, this is Namjoon." He looks at Namjoon. "Namjoon, this is Boram."
He looks surprised, I guess Hoseok didn't tell him he wanted to introduce us to each other.
I wave. "Nice to meet you. You've been very good to Hoseok and helped him a lot with all this, thank you I really appreciate it."
He goes to talk but Hoseok interrupts him. "Speak in English."
Namjoon shakes his head a little and speaks in English. "It's nice to meet you, too. I'm glad that he's happy with you, you really have cheered him up lately. Which is surprising, because we didn't think he could possibly get any more pleasant than he already was. He's also matured a little more."
His English is perfect! He speaks it way better than I do! I completely butcher the language.
I try to speak English as clear as I was earlier. "It's nice to know that I'm doing him some good and cheering him up."
"That's why I stood by him and made sure nobody made him feel like he had to leave you. But to tell the truth, I don't think they could have. He wasn't going to change his mind. He's usually not stubborn, but he wasn't going to let you go regardless of how anyone else felt about it."
Hoseok looks extremely embarrassed.
He continues. "He considers himself very lucky, incredibly lucky, to have not only met you, but also to have become your boyfriend. He tells me that quite often. If I had a dollar for every time he's talked about you in the last couple weeks, I'd be at least a hundred dollars richer."
"Wow. That's very sweet of him." I laugh. "I'm sorry if he's bugging you though. I'm sure you get tired of hearing about it."
He smiles. "Not really, a lot of the time he's so hyped up that I don't even comprehend what exactly he's saying because he'll talk too fast, I just hear your name. I smile and nod while he goes nuts talking about you. Many times though he talks very-"
He looks at Hoseok, who's practically sinking in his chair from being talked about. "Thoughtfully about you. So I don't mind him talking about you." He pats him on the head. "He's very close to me, so I like listening to him be happy."
I laugh. I can't believe he's that excited about us. "I'm glad he has someone who supports him."
"Though he's bordering on the edge of insanity. So he'll need to put that in check; but that's only because he's really trying his best for you."
"I'd believe it. He shows me in many ways that he is trying hard and I appreciate all of it. Thank you for telling me all of that."
"Of course, I want to make sure he looks good; but I mostly like embarrassing him a little. I'm going to leave you guys alone though before he kills me. Nice meeting you Boram."
He's funny. He seems very real and natural.
"Nice meeting you Namjoon."
Hoseok punches him in the arm before he leaves, then attempts to quietly talk to him, but fails at the being quiet part. "Did you have to go on like that? Don't make me sound like such a crazy person."
He punches him back. "You are crazy, I thought she should know that early on." He laughs and leaves.
Hoseok sighs. "Maybe that was a mistake."
"No, no. I liked meeting him. He's very mature and I can tell he's intelligent too. He speaks like he's got some smarts to him."
"And what? I don't?"
Is he really jealous of that?
"I was just complimenting your friend. Don't be sensitive. You're very mature, but I like that you can be immature sometimes."
He's pouting. "What about being smart?"
"You're smart, too. I promise I will always like you more than any of the other members. Actually, I'll always like you more than any other guy."
The fact that that statement made him smile just shows how pure his emotion can be.
"Okay, you better. Have you been listening to our music more?"
"I have, but I've also gotten back into a lot of my old favorites from when I was growing up. So it's been back and forth."
"What did you listen to growing up."
"That must have been when you were a teen. So that's not really growing up on it."
"No. I listened to it since I was small. I had an older cousin I spent most of my time with and they listened to it a lot."
"Well...Dr. Dre, Snoop Dogg, Salt n Pepa, some Tupac, Ice Cube, and a lot of Bone Thugs and South Park Mexican. A ton of Eminem, but I don't listen to him since I don't much care for the content of his songs despite his great skills in rapping like delivery, rhyming, and freestyling."
"As a child! That's not what children should listen to!"
"My mom played it a lot around me when my dad wasn't around, it's not that big of a deal."
"Because she liked it and knew most of it went way over my head."
"It's hard to believe a mom could even like music like that."
I laugh. "That's cause she's a cool mom. She got hooked on it when we had lived in Long Beach, California before we moved here when I was five. It was always on the radio, she always liked Tupac and Dr. Dre."
"But it's pretty inappropriate for such a small child."
"It didn't do me any harm. I didn't go around smoking weed because Snoop Dogg did or break the law because Ice Cube did. She taught me my morals growing up, not them. The worst it probably did was widen my cussing vocabulary, but I didn't even pick up that habit until I was in my late teens."
"I guess that's good?"
"If anything it made me a bit more open minded and aware of other things in the world. That everyone didn't live like I did."
"And rapping along with it is about the only time I speak clearly and annunciate somewhat."
He laughs. "So you rap, huh?"
I cover my mouth. I feel stupid for saying that to him. I shake my head. "Never mind!"
"Come on! Tell me what songs you rap the best!"
"No! I don't rap any of them well!"
"You grew up on it, so I refuse to believe that you can't rap at least one song."
"I can't. Not one."
He loses his smile, crosses his arms, and looks away from the screen. He does this for about ten seconds.
"Are you giving me the silent treatment!"
He glances at the screen for a second and looks away.
"You're a brat!"
He leans on the computer desk, still looking away, and taps his finger on it.
"You're going to do this because I won't tell you that?"
He glances and looks away again.
"Fine. I'll tell you one."
He doesn't say anything or look at me, he just holds up three fingers.
"You're pushing it Hoseok!"
He drops his hand and taps his finger on the desk again.
I groan. "You're very stubborn, I don't know why those boys think you're not. Fine. Three."
He smiles a little. I take it he's not going to look at me or respond until I actually tell him.
I sigh while I try to think. I know a lot and I rap along to most of them, but I don't think I'm particularly good at any of them. Not by an actual rapper's standards that's for damn sure, so whatever I say I'll feel absolutely idiotic.
"I guess one would be California Love by Tupac and Dr. Dre. I've been listening to it since I was little so I have a good enough handle on it."
He looks slightly more toward the computer and his smile gets bigger.
"My Name Is by Eminem. I don't listen to him anymore, but that song is burned into my memory."
He smiles more. How mean that he's enjoying making me feel embarrassed.
Damn. Okay, taste of my own medicine, I guess. Besides I was way meaner.
"I don't know..."
He loses his smile. He's got such an attitude; am I the only one who gets subjected to this?
"None of Your Business by Salt n Pepa. There, I'm done."
He giggles for like ten seconds. Apparently it was hard for him to hold all that in.
"You don't have to laugh at me."
"I'm not laughing at you! I'm just happy you told me! I think I've heard the first two."
"They're pretty famous for rap, that's why I know them well. I've heard those two a lot."
"I figured. But what's the third one?"
"It's from a female rap trio from the like, late eighties. I've only met one other person who's heard that specific song."
"Really? What's it about, why do you like it so much?"
"It's about how it's nobody's business who a woman sleeps with, how often, or how many different guys. That nobody should be judged for that, and no one should push their ideals on someone else to try and make them change. The idea applies to men and women; it just focuses more on the way women are treated. It's honestly one of my favorites. "
He smiles, but it's kind of sad at the same time. "Wow. That's pretty interesting."
"Yeah, I like how they think."
"From your description of that song, I like what it's saying. Nobody should be judged for that."
I'm sure he realizes I know he's pretty much talking about himself.
I just wonder if he realizes it's saying something about me. It's a good song, but I like it so much for a reason.
I smile. "Exactly. What's in the past shouldn't matter and a person's not their mistakes. It's no one's place to judge."
"Very true, you listen to good music."
"Yes I do. So if you ever need a recommendation for some good, old school hip-hop, let me know and I'll hook you up. New school, I can't help you, the newest I legitimately know is Kanye's College Dropout album."
His smile looks so sweet. "Why don't you play me some on your phone so I can hear what you grew up with."
"It'll be terrible quality."
"It's fine. Music is important to me obviously, so I want to know what you like. It'd probably be good for me to hear old rap styles that I might not have heard before. I'll look it up later for better quality if I like it."
"You've got a point, and believe me when I say you'll like them. The real question is where to start?"
I scroll through the music on my phone.
"Oh, you've got to hear Keep Their Heads Ringin' by Dr. Dre and Ice Cube. That's real good."
He looks so day-dreamy and content. I'm surprised I can have that effect on someone. His personality really mixes well with mine. I don't think he'll ever know how grateful I am that he's done all that he has.