Pairing: Reader x Yoongi
Length: 2913 words
Warning: Intimacy, Swearing, Depression
Summary: He was my everything, but to him we were nothing.
As soon as I had registered what was happening, I tried to pull away, but Jungkook kept a hold on me, so our foreheads remained touching. “Remember the first time we kissed?” He breathed, and I shut my eye at the sound of his voice. I wanted to block him out, and run away, and pretend this encounter never happened. “Didn’t you feel anything, y/n?”
“Can’t you forgive me? I want to keep what we had, I don’t want my fuck up to get in the way of us.”
I opened my eyes again at the word ‘us’, which subsequently released all the tears that had built up behind my eyelids. Y/n, he’s just gonna fuck you up.
I sighed sadly. He sounded so broken, so hurt, that I wanted to believe him, but how long would it be until he found someone else? How long would it be until I was back to square one, crying myself to sleep every night. Hating myself. Telling myself I deserved it.
“Jungkook...”, I trailed off, not knowing what to say or even how to say it.
“Don’t tell me no, I’m trying to fix this, and you keep pushing me away, you’re doing the same thing I did.” Well, yes I was, but with good reason. I was just about to say to him that I didn’t want to let myself get hurt, literally on the verge of voicing my thoughts, when my phone buzzed.
I instantly pulled away from him, frowning. Who in the fuck was calling me at like half one? I sighed at the caller ID. Of course Tae had woken up the one time I had expected him not to.
I turned my back to Jungkook, who still looked pained, to give Taehyung my full concentration. I subconsciously rubbed my thumb across my somewhat swollen lips as I answered.
“Hey Tae”, I spoke quietly, but Taehyung was rather the opposite. “Y/n-ah!?” I jerked the phone away from my ear and grimaced. His deep voice was laced with sleep-deprivation, but god, it was loud.
“Jesus Christ Tae, tone it down a little! What’s wrong?”
“You’re out at ungodly hours and you’re aking me what’s wrong? Y/n, after what happened with Mark, I’d have thought you’d be a little more sens-”
“-Tae I couldn’t sleep, so I went for a walk. Chill!” That was my attempt to calm him down, and it didn’t go down too well.
“Chill?! I’m gonna kill you! I almost had a heart attack when I found the place empty!”
“Tae, go back to sleep, I’m coming home soon.” Honestly, we sounded like a god damn married couple.
“H-have you seen Jungkook out there?” He asked tentatively and I frowned. I turned to look at Jungkook, who was still standing there, intensely staring at me. His gaze turned questioning as he saw me frown.
“No”, I spoke slowly, trying to work out what was going on. “I haven’t seen him. Why?” Jungkook’s eyes darkened slightly at my lie.
“Because I have like three texts from him asking if I’m still at yours, If we are at your place, and If we are still awake.”
So that’s what Jungkook was doing on his phone when he walked passed. He was texting Tae. And I was right- he was on the way to mine. I spoke quickly, wanting to end the call, end this conversation with Jungkook, and go home.
“He probably just gave up and fell asleep Tae. Give me ten minutes and I’ll be home. OK?”
And with that I ended the call. He was going to give me absolute hell for leaving him alone. I would guarantee he’d mention my fear of the dark at some point. There was a moment of silence, before I spoke.
“I’ll see you around.” It was the dumbest thing to say in the moment, but my mind had honestly gone blank.
“Why did you lie?” He asked quietly, acting like I hadn’t even spoke. “He doesn’t need to know that I fucked up again”, I muttered in response.
“Is kissing me a fuck up?” There he was again, asking me questions he knew I wouldn’t answer. “Almost letting you back into my life is”, I replied quietly. No matter what I said, it didn’t hurt him, it just made him more determined to get me to talk. To get me to cave.
“You hate me?” He spoke quietly, almost challenging me to repeat my previous statement. And I did exactly that. Looking at his shoes rather than his face, I whispered the words I knew he didn’t like to hear. “I. Hate. You.”
I sighed. This wasn’t going anywhere. We could have stood there all night and done this, and had Tae not called, we probably would have done, the two of us being as stubborn as we were.
“Whatever you say Jungkook. Now excuse me, I’ve got to go”, I spoke as I attempted to get past him. He put out a muscular arm to stop me. “Babe”, he started but I cut him off. “My name’s y/n.”
That shocked him enough to actually put his arm down and let me pass. Finally, he could see that I wasn’t just someone he could fuck around with.
“Yoongi’s just gonna hurt you”, he called after me. I froze. Did he still think this was about Yoongi. I heard Jungkook walk up behind me. His voice sounded half gentle, half spiteful.
“He went behind your back for a whole month y/n. He’s past caring.”
I turned around to glare at him. I knew I should have just walked away, but Jungkook had this all wrong. “OK, first of all Yoongi didn’t tell me he had feelings for me, to then sleep with someone else the next day. Second of all, why the hell do you think I’m going back to him? I’m starting to think I’m nothing but the subject of a petty fight between you too.”
He didn’t answer, but looked down and there was a glint in his eyes as he saw my clenched fists. He stepped up, so I now had to look up to see his face.”
“You wanna punch me?” He gave a slight smile. “Do it.” My face went from one of anger, to slight confusion. “Punch me like you punched her.” Was this idiot for real? He was like ten times stronger, of course he was going to try and pull some shit if I attempted to punch him. Not to mention, Suzy was around my height so it had been a lot easier to punch her.
“Fuck off Jungkook”, I quietly groaned. I had told Tae ten minutes. He was going to kill me. The tension between us was unreal- I was finding it slightly hard to breath. My eyes flitted down to his lips and I mentally slapped myself.
NO. Y/n stop it!
If Jungkook noticed he didn’t say anything. But I had come to the conclusion that this was lust, not love. I smiled bitterly. “You don’t love me. You don’t know the meaning of the damn word.”
“You don’t now what you’re talking about”, he replied, grasping my shoulders. “I know exactly what I’m tal-”
He cut me off by pulling me in, and our lips making contact once more. This kiss was longer, and felt more...real. I was too immobilised to pull away. I was internally cursing myself, but doing nothing to stop it. He was the one to pull away this time, after I gave a light moan.
“What the fuck are you doing to me?”, he asked, running a hand through his dark hair. His face was one of desperation, of anguish. I could ask him the same thing.
He watched as I slowly backed away, lips parted, panting. My head was reeling and right now, I needed out. I needed to get away from him and his confusing ass. I vowed to myself to never go on a damn walk again.
“I need to go”, I managed to choke out. And this time, he let me go. He must have seen what a mess I was becoming. Even as I reached the top of the street, I could feel his eyes on me, so just before the corner, I turned around.
He was still stood there, watching me, hands in pockets. When he saw me turn, I saw the faintest smile etch his lips. It was a sad smile, but a smile nonetheless. Despite myself, despite turning him away, I returned the smile before I disappeared around the corner.
I knew Tae would be pissed but he was never mad for long. As soon as I opened the door, he was stood there, waiting. Even before I had unlocked the door, I had heard his heavy footsteps, pacing the living room.
I sighed as he looked at me, absolutely livid.
“It’s been half an hour y/n”, he cut me off as I closed the door, slowly. “Half an hour since I called you. Where the hell where you?!”
“I told you, I wanted to walk to clear my head.” I was going to remain calm, no matter what he said, because shouting wasn’t going to solve anything.
“In the middle of the night?” I could hear it in his voice that he was seriously questioning my sanity.
“I could’t sleep Tae”, I looked at him in pure anguish, which made his expression soften. He sighed. “Then wake me up. Talk to me. Please don’t jut leave like that.”
I nodded. That nod was enough for him to understand I would never do it again. He cared for me, he really did. As he hugged me, I wanted nothing more than to just break down in his arms, but then he would eventually find out I lied to him about bumping into Jungkook.
“C’mon. I sighed. Let’s sleep. Hoseok has an exam tomorrow afternoon, but he asked me to go dance practice in the morning. He says it helps him deal with stress.” He nodded, grinning. Suddenly, I knew what was coming.
“What?” I glared at him in warning. Hoe, don’t do it.
“Weren't you scared of the dark?” He grinned. “YAH!” I screeched jumping on his back and repeatedly hitting his head. He doubled over laughing, almost dropping me.
“OK sorry, sorry! I couldn’t resist!” I jumped off him and hit him one more time. “Pabo”, I muttered. I quickly changed back into my pyjamas as Taehyung browsed his phone. He looked...annoyed.
“What’s wrong?” I asked, turning the light off and getting into the bed. “Nothing”, he muttered. I watched as the harsh light of his phone screen suddenly disappeared and I heard him place it on the table on his side of the bed. “Night!, he mumbled, getting comfortable. “Night”, I replied, frowning to myself.
I lay there, a million thoughts running through my head. The two main questions were, ‘Did Jungkook mean it when he said he loved me?’ and ‘Was Tae hiding something from me?’
It was about twenty minutes later, I heard Taehyung breathing steadily, finally asleep. His phone had buzzed constantly, but he had ignored it. Frowning to myself, I slowly sat up.
It was terrible of me, I know, I get it, but I was curious. Who kept calling him? I was being unfair, I know, Taehyung would never do this to me. But, really I couldn't get any sleep thinking about it.
I slowly reached over and grabbed his phone, being careful not to move the bed too much. He didn’t have a password, always worried about forgetting it. My eyes widened at the notifications on his screen. He had 34 missed calls and one voicemail. As he said, the three texts were from Jungkook. But one other name came up repeatedly. The person who had called him so many times in the last couple of hours alone.
My thumb wavered before pressing ‘Listen’. I wanted to hear the reason behind so many calls. My eyes widened as I heard her words.
‘Tae, just hear me out please. I’m not playing any games with you any more, I really do love you. Please stop ignoring me. Please answer. What did you mean’ there’s someone else’? Who? Who is it? You always told me I was the best, that I was your girl? Please Tae...’
My blood ran cold. I quickly got rid of any evidence that I had been on his phone and placed it in exactly the same position as before. I couldn’t get the sounds of Krystal’s sobs out of my head.
Taehyung really had been ignoring her. And she sounded devastated. Don’t get me wrong, I really didn’t give a shit, but this was so unlike Taehyung. He was in love with her. When Krystal first asked him out, I had literally sat through half a day of him gushing over her. Just thinking about it made me roll my eyes.
Jungkook now at the back of my mind, all I could thing about was Krystal’s voicemail as I fell into a restless sleep.
My alarm woke me up with a start, and I groaned, flopping back into my pillow. It was 7 am, and I fell asleep at around 3. Taehyung was oblivious to the sound of the alarm, as I slowly reached for my phone to turn it off.
I studied his face intently. I wanted to know what was going on with him and Krystal, but first I had to go to dance practice. Hoseok owed me big time for this.
“Taehyung!” I yelled. He didn’t even stir. I groaned. Why couldn’t he have been like this last night (well technically earlier this morning) when I needed him in deep sleep?
“Tae! Get up or I’ll jump on you”, I threatened. Yes, I could have just let him sleep, but the pabo would forget I told him was going to dance and panic when he woke up to an empty apartment again.
“Aish”, I muttered, getting out of bed. I’d freshen up, change, and try to wake him up again.
And I did just that. I grabbed a breakfast bar, and my water bottle, and shoved them in my gym bag. “Tae! I’m going to dance!” I screeched in his ear. He shot up, startled, and I giggled at the look on his face.
“Aish, what the hell”, he grumbled, rubbing his eyes and suppressing a yawn. I laughed again, and tried to smooth down his messy hair. “Sorry, not my fault waking you is like trying to communicate with the dead. I said I’m going to dance. And if you’re going back to your place, don’t forget your clothes- they’re all dry now.”
He nodded, before falling backwards onto the bed. I smiled at him. It was like trying to bring up a kid sometimes, honestly.
“ Spare key’s in my top draw. Want anything while I’m out?”
I heard him mumble “No, I’m cool”, and snuggle into the blankets again. I was still shaking my head as I left the apartment.
It was warm today, so I had opted for the old t-shirts, shorts and hoodie combo-I didn’t want to urn to death on the walk back.
On the way there my phone alerted me of a text. Literally, two minutes away from the studio.
From Hosoek: Hey y/n. Ur probably on ur way already but just though id let u know that Jungkook asked to come with. Hope thats cool :)
I didn’t know who to curse. Hoseok should have told me earlier, and Jungkook had no business being there. I called Hoseok straight away.
“Morning y/n!” He chirped. “Are you almost here?”
I narrowed my eyes at his incompetency. Yes, I was being slightly petty, but Hoseok knew about mine and Jungkook’s fallout. “Yeah”, I answered through gritted teeth. “I’m two minutes away.”
“So why did you call? Something wrong?” I tutted in annoyance before responded. “Hoseok, why is Jungkook there?”
“I dunno. He just asked to come along and I didn’t see a problem.” Well I did. Not only had Jungkook never seen me dance before (only Tae and Hoseok had), but I wasn’t ready to face him this quick.
“Hoseok that sonofab-”
“You’re on loudspeaker y/n”, he quickly cut me off. He sounded so uncomfortable that I smirked. “I don’t give a shit. No one sees me dance. Except you and Tae.”
I heard him sigh. “Just get over here first, and then we’ll talk.” Instead of replying, I ended the call in a huff, now entering the building. All I wanted to do was be there to help Hoseok relieve some stress, not to get stressed out myself.
“Hey”, I gave him a tight smile and a hug once I entered the room we always used. “You ready for this afternoon?” Hoseok pulled a face. “I know my stuff, but I just need to control the nerves.” I smiled at him encouragingly, glancing in the mirror and accidentally meeting Jungkook’s eyes. He was sat on one of the side benches behind us.
“Let’s get to work then.”
Hoseok took my bag from me, whilst whispering. “You sounded pretty pissed on the phone, you sure you don’t mind?” He was referring to Jungkook’s presence. I shook my head- I would deal with it for an hour for Hoseok’s sake.
An hour. Bring it on.