Pairing: There ain’t no pairing just yet (but it’s with all the Maknae line)
Warning: (M), Language
Length: 3522 words
Summary: “No strings attached”- that’s the rule I followed. Until it came to bite me in the ass.
A/N: Hey guys, I wanted to ask something. Would you lot read a fic that was written from a POV of a person who has OCD? I don’t think I’ve come across a fic centred around a mental health issues. I have a few ideas (hella angsty), but I’m not sure how it would go down. Let me know! x
I woke up with a dull pain in my head, as expected. But what was not expected was I was in my bed. I didn’t remember walking here. I sat up groggily, eyeing the glass of water and aspirin on my bedside table. What. The. Fuck.
I was still wearing the dress from yesterday. It was bunched up at my waist so I stood up, still slightly unsteady on my feet and smoothed it down. Someone was here. Someone had to be here. No way would I have got up the stairs by myself in the state I had been in. And I didn’t even own any aspirin.
I decided, since it clearly wasn’t a robber, to take my time. I had a feeling it might have been Taehyung, seeing as he knew where I lived, but then again he didn’t know where I kept my key.
I splashed my face with cold water to wake myself up and brushed my teeth. Just before going down, I changed into sweats and an oversized hoodie and pulled up my hair into a messy bun. I left the aspirin on the table. My headaches always subsided by themselves.
I rushed downstairs, to see who the hell was here, and instantly froze at the doorway of the living room. He was sat on the sofa, head leaning back, asleep. Jungkook. Jungkook was in my house.
How..what? When? Why? I grimaced at the pain in my head...maybe I’d need that aspirin after all. I cleared my throat before speaking loudly, so he’d wake up. “What are you doing here?”
He jumped slightly before opening his eyes, and looking straight at me. “W..what?”, he mumbled incoherently, yawning and rubbing the back of his neck.
“I said, what are you doing here?”, I repeated, my arms folded as I leaned on the door frame. “Morning to you too babe.” His voice was really gravelly and husky, which I hate to admit, was a right turn on. I just stared at him, waiting for an answer.
“Sleeping”, he replied, his characteristic smirk settling on his face. I narrowed my eyes. “Now is not the time to be a smart-ass.” He leaned forward, his elbows propped on his thighs and looked up at me. He looked a hell of a lot calmer than yesterday.
“You were completely wasted when I called last night. So I decided to come look for your house. I knew you didn’t live far because I know you walk here. But I also remember you telling me what car you drive- noticed it on your driveway.”
“That was my problem to deal with, not yours. How the fuck did you get in?”
“Key under the mat? Very unoriginal y/n.” He looked amused. I, on the other hand was known to hold a grudge, and despite my killer headache, I still remembered our fight from yesterday.
“How are you feeling?” He asked, eyeing me.
I frowned. “Why do you care? I’m not your girlfriend. Why does it matter even if I drink myself to death?” Nobody cared. That was the harsh reality of life. Well, my life anyway. I reckon the only people that would come to my funeral would be Jimin and Taehyung. And maybe my crazy ass boss.
“Y/n. Stop this. Stop distancing yourself. Of course I care.”
“Yeah, you made that apparent yesterday”, I spat. When I had washed my face I had examined my cheek in the mirror. There was a faint red bruise still visible on my cheek, from when Jungkook had slapped me.
“Let’s forget about yesterday. Yesterday never happened.” I pinched the bridge of my nose with my thumb and forefinger, sighing impatiently.
“Jeon Jungkook, I’m going to ask you this one more time. Why are you here? I’ve been smashed before. Hell, I’ve even sent you drunk texts before, and you have never ever turned up to my house.”
He looked away. “I...felt bad about yesterday. Wanted to make it up to you.” Ah so that’s what it was. He had come here out of pity- and I loathed sympathy.
“You’re not under any obligation to do that. I said it before and I’ll say it again. I’m not your g-”
He stood up abruptly, making me jump. “Will you just stop! Stop reminding me that we’re not together! Stop saying that you’re not my girlfriend. I get that I’m going out with the female version of Hitler, you don’t need to add to that stress!”
“Don't compare her to Hitler. Hitler knew when to kill himself”, I replied bluntly, turning and walking off to go get a glass of water. I heard him speechlessly get up and follow me. I saw my phone, still on the on the counter from last night, and checked it.
I remembered I had ignored a text from Jimin, so I checked it while drinking the water.
Jungkook just stared at me in disbelief- I think he was in shock from my harsh words.I didn’t know what he meant by me adding to his stress exactly- all I had said was that I wasn’t his girlfriend...that was fact.
All Jimin’s text said was ‘Call me pls’ so I sighed and placed the phone back down. I’d call him as soon as I got Jungkook out of here. I finished the glass of water and he was still staring at me. “Take a picture, it’ll last longer.”
I was trying to remember if I had said anything embarrassing to him last night, when he interrupted my thoughts, stepping a bit closer. “Y/n, I’m feeling so down from yesterday...you think you could help out?”
I knew exactly what he was implying and I knew why he was doing it. He though me sleeping with him would magically make things normal again. He thought maybe I would stop being mad. But he thought wrong.
I knew him well enough to know that if I did this now, he would hate his relationship even more, he would call me up even more to get away from that bitch he called his girlfriend- yet he would never leave her.
“Minhae hasn’t replied to a single fucking text. I’ve left her so many m-”
“Minhae. My girlfriend?”
Minhae? That was the bitch’s name? Jesus Christ, I had never even heard her name before today. But obviously whenever I met up with Jungkook...it wasn’t exactly to talk about his girlfriend.
“Here, let me make you feel better. I’ll tell you a joke.”
He frowned because that’s not what he had in mind when he asked me to ‘help out’. But regardless, he nodded.
“Who’s there?” He went along with it, still looking confused.
“Jungkook matters to.”
"Jungkook matters to who?” As soon as he said it out loud, he realised what I was going to say next.
"Not me ,so get the fuck out.”
His expression darkened. “I came out in the middle of the night, bringing aspirin with me, found your house, carried you to bed, and I don’t matter?”
I sighed in exasperation. “Yeah yeah I get it. That’s all very sweet and kind, yadda yadda yadda. But I don’t recall asking for your help in the first place. I’m not a fucking baby.”
“Well you sure know how to throw a tantrum like one. Who the fuck is Yoongi?”
The question threw me off guard. How the hell did he know about Yoongi? I didn’t remember telling him anything. “What?”
“Yoongi. Who is he? You were half asleep when I got here and you kept repeating his name. Over and over. Calling him a bastard. Saying you hate that you love him.”
I froze. “I don’t know who that is. I was drunk, probably saying random words.”
He chuckled darkly. “You are such a shit liar y/n.” I aggressively stepped forward to him and he immediately stopped laughing. My gaze alone was enough, no words needed.
My eyes scanned him- from his still messy hair, to his pouty lips. I looked away. “I’m telling you to go because there’s every chance that Minnie’s gonna randomly turn up to your doorstep, to find you’re not home.”
“Whatever. Potayto, Potahto.”
“She’s at work so she won’t be dropping by. Plus I need to stay with you, you look like death.”
“Why do you care so much?!” I cried out, sick of hearing him repeat himself. I was already distraught about the fact that I had been speaking about Yoongi in front of Jungkook, and Jungkook wasn’t helping by going around in circles.
“God damn it!” He yelled, closing the space between us suddenly and slamming his lips onto mine. Literally slamming- I would have fallen backwards if he hadn’t got a hold of me.I instinctively grasped at his shirt and pulled him in closer. He was ravaging my lips, and I was reaching up and pulling roughly at his hair.
He shoved me against the counter, still breathing heavily into my mouth. He placed his thigh between my legs, putting pressure where I needed it before rocking my hips back and forth. I remembered his slap and in a quick bout of anger, bit down on his bottom lip, while my hands found their way under his shirt.
I knew from the moment I had seen him in my house, this is what he wanted. This is all I was for. And Jeon Jungkook didn’t give in until he got what he wanted. I hated myself for the fact that despite everything that had happened, I wanted it too.
I started palming him through his jeans and he hissed in pleasure at the sensation. He pulled away, panting heavily. “Do I still not matter?” he asked huskily, his hands moving down my body.
“You still don’t matter”, I confirmed, my words faltering as he sucked harshly on my neck, making me gasp from the sensation. Over time, I had got to know Jungkook’s weak points- which naturally meant he knew mine too. He was rubbing his bulge between my legs now, teasing me to the point where I was about to snap.
I pushed him away to hastily undo his jeans and dragging them down with his boxers before ridding myself of my sweats. “Eager?”, he smirked, one eyebrow raised.
“Shut up you cocky prick or I’ll send you home with a hard-on”, I growled. He chuckled knowing full well I wouldn’t carry out that threat. I needed him right now, just as much as he needed me. Jungkook kissed me deeply, thumb stroking the cheek that he had slapped yesterday, as he positioned himself, and slid in without warning.
I moaned loudly into his mouth, all my pent up frustration and anger bubbling up to the surface once more. I heard him mutter “Shit!”, as he threw his head back in pure pleasure. Sex in the kitchen. I didn’t know about him, but this sure as hell was a first for me.
We were pressed together, synchronised as one- two fucked up individuals trying to gain a way out from the other. How messed up is that?
“Jungkook”, I gasped as he hit that spot he knew would get a reaction. “Shit”, he grunted. “Say my name again babe, I love it when you say my name.”I didn’t want to feed his ego, but I needed to reach my high so I complied. Just this once. “Jungkook!”
“Ah fuck”, he breathed, his grip tightening on my waist. We still had the top half of our clothes on, and as much as I wanted more skin on skin contact, I was too lost in the moment to ask him to remove his shirt.
I reached my release, throwing my head back and panting his name, my legs trembling from the sensation of having Jungkook inside me. Still supporting my frame, he came soon after.
His thrusts staggered until he eventually stopped. I leaned into him, feeling weak at the knees, trying to catch my breath and he let me use him for support. He leaned down, his chin resting at the top of my head, and his hand stroking my back. That was a comforting feeling. Didn’t change the fact that he was a dick, but still comforting nonetheless.
He pulled out slowly, placing me on the counter before pulling his boxers and jeans back up and handing me my underwear. I didn’t mind not having the sweats back on because of the oversized hoodie- it covered what it needed to cover. He then proceeded to carry me to the sofa, and I was to exhausted to argue when he cleaned me up. This whole time we didn’t say anything to each other.
I thought he would leave but instead he sat down next to me, running his hand up and down my thigh. “Thank you”, he muttered through still-swollen lips. “I needed that.”
“Welcome.” Of course I needed it too, but I wasn’t going to thank him. Guess my ego was even bigger than his. I was still feeling hot from all that physical activity, but I leaned in to him, putting my head on his shoulder.
“But you’re still a prick”, I muttered, just loud enough for him to hear. He chuckled, his shoulders shaking, making my head move with them. “But I’m your prick.” I stayed quiet. The truth was he wasn’t mine. He had someone. He was only mine when he needed me- when it suited him. And even if he had noone, there was no way I’d be with him.
No strings attached.
He didn’t look like he was going to leave anytime soon, and the little voice at the back of my head was telling me to call Jimin, so I reluctantly stood up, even though my legs felt like they were about to buckle. “Be right back.”
I walked into the kitchen, a sudden chilly breeze hitting my leg-the first thing I did was put the sweats back on. I sat at the counter, waiting for Jimin to answer, which he did almost immediately.
“Took your time”, he snapped. My eyes widened slightly. Jimin never snapped at me unless he had had a particularly bad day- usually because of an argument with his parents.
“Hangover”, I simply replied. He didn’t answer. He knew I only drank when something had majorly pissed me off or upset me. “What’s wrong?”
“Yesterday I had another fight with them”, he mumbled. By ‘Them’, he was referring to his darling mum and dad who had been on his case to get married for well over half a year now.
“I was sick of hearing the same shit...”, he trailed off and I rolled my eyes. Nothing new there. “And I may have told them I have a girlfriend to get them off my back.”
I sat up, suddenly weary. Where was he going with this? “Right..?”
“And they want to meet her. But they can’t, because she doesn’t fucking exist. But I had just lied to them and I told them I’d meet them for dinner with her tomorrow.”
My mind was spinning as I realised why he was telling me all this. “Oh HELL no, Park fucking Jimin, you are NOT roping me into your shit!” I shouted. I heard Jungkook laughing quietly in the living room at my sudden outburst.
“Y/n, please! I need you to do this for me! It’s only an hour. And I’m paying for food!” I hesitated. Free food. Jimin knew me too well.
“Fine. An hour. They better not talk about marriage and babies and all that shit or I’ll take my food and go home!” I exclaimed. He found that hilarious. “And what the hell do I wear?”
“Something cute.. Like a sweater/skirt combo would be great. You’ll look girly and shit, and they’ll be happy. Oh and it’ll be 7:00 pm. We’ll meet outside that new place that’s opened nearby. You know...the posh one?” I sighed, disgusted at the very thought. “Fine. You owe me one.” I ended the call as he was in the middle of saying ‘thank you’, my bad mood returning once more.
I knew where he wanted me to meet him. It was the same place I had seen Yoongi with that girl, a few night back. I prayed he wasn’t a regular there. “Fuck”, I cursed under my breath as I walked back into the living room. Jungkook had been scrolling through his phone looking oh so casual, looking up as I walked in.
“What was all that about. I heard the word ‘marriage’ and ‘babies’. His eyes twinkled with amusement as I glared at him. “Jimin told his pushy parents he’s finally found a girlfriend. Except he hasn’t.”
“I see. And you have to act as said girlfriend? All heart eyes and hand-holding?” I groaned, leaning back and shutting my eyes. “Fuck off Jungkook.”
He continued laughing, despite my annoyance. “I can’t imagine you acting nice for however long he needs you. Do you even know what a smile is?” I knew he was joking, OK? I knew he didn’t mean any of it, and that was just his sense of humour.
But those words still hurt. It just showed me his perception of me. It showed me how bitter I really was. He noticed my silence and immediately stopped taking the piss. “Hey. Y/n, I was just joking.” I nodded mutely to let him know I understood.
“Hey”, he said, more gently, cupping my face to make me face him. Wow. This was the same boy who had been screaming in my face less than 24 hours ago. “I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be. You were right. I’m miserable all the-”
He cut me off with a soft kiss. I really didn’t know how to respond. Jungkook didn’t do soft. His lips moulded onto my own, and when he pulled away he had a massive smile on his face.
“Knock Knock.” He whispered. I rolled my eyes, preparing myself for the insult.
“Y/n matters to.”
"Y/n matters to who?”
" Y/n matters to me.”
I half groaned, half laughed, hitting his chest lightly. “When did you become so cheesy?”
“Hey, it got you to smile.”
Jungkook had to leave soon after, because he got a text from Minnie saying she would be around his for lunch. I went out, did my afternoon work shift, came back, showered and had a nap. He had left me confused, and I was never confused. I remember what we said to each other right before he kissed me.
“Why do you care so much?!”
“God damn it!”
He hadn’t answered the question. But I was probably reading too much into it. As darkness fell, I got out and ironed the outfit I would wear. A black and white striped sweater with a black skirt. It’d do.
I sat on my bed in almost complete darkness, not bothering with the light. I still kept a small photo of me and Yoongi on my bedside table. I had got rid of all other photos but for some reason, couldn’t find it in me to throw away that one.
He had his hand around my shoulder, and his other hand made one half of a heart. I was laughing in the photo as my hand completed the heart. It was my favourite photo. I also had it saved under his contact name, so whenever he used to call, I’d see that photo, ensuring I was always smiling when I answered the call.
A silent tear rolled down my cheek. It wasn’t out of sadness, it was out of anger. Anger because I went to sleep with that bastard in my head. I woke up in the middle of the night with him in my head.
I was being haunted by the living. Everywhere I went, Min Yoongi would follow. Not physically present, but always there.
I was angry because I can’t listen to music anymore. Every song I hear, whether it be happy or sad, reminded me of that fucker. His voice, his laugh, his smile. I was angry because that’s all I could fucking see when I closed my eyes.
No matter how many time I saw Jimin or Taehyung or Jungkook. At the end of the day, there was only the son of a bitch that shattered me. The fact that I said I loved him out loud whilst wasted, sickened me.
My hands were shaking as I turned the photo frame away from me. He had moved on, found someone new. But he had left me incapable of doing the same. I reached for my phone, remembering the advice I gave to Taehyung. I went onto my contacts and scrolled down, finger hovering over Yoongi’s name.
It was time to step up, time to start following my own shitty advice. The question came up. The question I always saw and would hastily place my phone back down, scared to do it. But not today. Delete contact?
Without hesitation, I did what I should have done the day I left.