WARNING: Mature content
- Hoseok's point of view - My last day with her. Tomorrow she goes back home and I have to spend another lonely year missing her. It's going to be so hard for us. She's right. After spending so much time together, it's going to be heartbreaking watching her board that plane. I hope she knows I'm going to see her off. It'll need to be really hush-hush. I don't want to be noticed by fans or anything. God that'd be awful. I don't want to be approached when I'm saying goodbye to my girlfriend. No use stressing about that though. I need to just enjoy the last day I have with her. A nice, laid back day of just being with eachother. We've had plenty of excitement, so this is a nice way to end her visit. My thoughts are interrupted by her voice. "What's on your mind?" "Oh. Nothing really. I'm just thinking about how nice this is spending a lazy day with you." "Are you sure you want to have a lazy day?" "You don't? I thought it was okay." "It is, it is. I'm happy to be with you, it doesn't matter what we do." She flashes me a somewhat forced smile. "Boram, be honest. Did you want to do something today? I want to do whatever will make you happy. I'm sure it'll be fun." She sighs. "Well, it's kinda silly." "I doubt it." "I want to have a picnic at a park." "That's all? What's silly about that? It sounds nice." "Does it?" "Yes. You love such delightfully simple things. You're not at all high maintenance. I love that about you." "I come from a small town. Simple things are what we do. So can we?" "Sure." ... Just as she did at the beach, she brings a bed sheet from the hotel to sit on. I'd be embarrassed by some of the things she does, but she's so clever sometimes that I have no choice but to respect her thriftiness. She huffs a little as she spreads out the sheet. "Why are you shaking your head at me?" I didn't realize I shook my head. "You just surprise me sometimes with the things you do." "I'll forever be surprising you then, because I'm always thinking of new things." "I know." I sit down on the sheet and she looks curiously at me. "What?" "Food." "Why are you so eager?" "Because I'm kind of hungry since I didn't eat since early this morning. Plus, I left you in charge of making food so I'm excited to see what you could make." "I did pretty well." She narrows her eyes as if she's beginning an interrogation. "Did Jin help you?" "You think I can't manage a simple lunch?" She shrugs, implying that this is exactly what she thinks. "So did he? Remember I know when you lie. I'm like a bloodhound, I can sniff it out." She's right about that. "No. He didn't." She chuckles. "Are you trying to test my skills?" "No." "Then why are you lying?" "I'm not!" "You're quite defensive for someone who isn't lying." "Shut up! I made it all on my own." "We'll see about that." Damn it. She's going to know Jin stepped in. He said he didn't want to keep watching me suffer, nor did he want to make Boram eat my failures. I open up the boxes and she watches and analyzes as each part is revealed. She giggles. "I think I know which parts you made." "I said I made it on my own!" "Stop lying. It's not a big deal. I'm just happy that I get to try something you made." "Fine. He helped a little." She giggles again. "I figured that's what would happen. You seem like the kind of person who goes to make an omelet and winds up having scrambled eggs instead." That's so cleverly rude, and extremely on point. "Don't be mean. If you can see which I made, then tell me who made what." She thinks for a moment as she looks them over. "Well, I assume you could manage putting some fruit in a container." "Yes I can." Should I be proud or embarrassed? "No way did you make such perfectly rolled omelets. Sorry, but no." "No need to be so blunt!" "I'm sure you could make plain rice. Right?" I nod. "Good. Otherwise I'd be worried. I'm unsure whether you could cut the apple slices with the bunny ears. I also don't know if you could make the hotdogs that were cut to look like little octopuses." "I can cut things." "I'll take your word on that. Did Jin do the actual cooking?" I sigh. "I thought so. They're absolutely adorable." "Thank you." "Not the most typical of things to prepare though, usually that stuff's for children isn't it?" "Kinda." I can't help it, my mom only let me do so much in the kitchen. She said I didn't focus well enough to cook without burning things or making messes. Even now she says she wouldn't trust me without her watching over my shoulder. She smiles. "I like them. Growing up, my mom rarely cooked, she still doesn't really, it was almost always my dad. And his food was pretty traditional and serious, not "fun". I never saw these types of things when I was little. So it's neat to have them now." That's so nice. "I'm glad they make you happy." "They really do. And those small pieces of cake are leftovers from the other night, aren't they?" "Yeah." "So altogether, you put fruit in a container, cut apples and hotdogs, and made rice?" "There's stuff on the rice!" "Oh. And sprinkled dried seaweed on it. Is that what you could do in the kitchen?" I can feel myself pouting as I look away. "Yeah. Is that not good enough for you?" I feel her hand on my cheek as she turns my head to face her and she gives me the sweetest kiss, I can practically feel how grateful she is. As she pulls away I fall forward a little because I continued leaning in more as she moved away. I didn't want it to end so quickly. With her hand still resting on my cheek, she gently shakes her head. "It's perfect. I'm very happy and appreciative of what you did. Thank you Hoseok." I don't respond and she giggles. "You're blushing and speechless. Why are you so stunned?" What a silly thing to be embarrassed over. "I've never had someone thank me so honestly for my cooking." "Well, I appreciate your effort, and I'm sure it'll taste delicious." "I tasted a lot of it before I packed it up. It's bad enough I had to be helped, I at least wanted to make sure it was good enough for you." She gives me another kiss that's even sweeter than before. It lasts a moment longer, but I still lean forward as she pulls away. I'm greedy and always want more. She grins. "You're so caring. You always have me in mind when you do things for us. I love that selfless attitude of yours." She goes back to sitting and looking at the food. "Can we eat the food you so graciously prepared now?" "Definitely." ... We're lying on our backs watching the sky. She sighs with a content smile. "It was tasty. Just the right amount of food, too." "Sure was." It's quiet for a few moments until she suddenly gasps and points up at the clouds. "Look!" "What?" "That cloud there!" "What about it?" "It reminds me of Yoongi." Why'd she have to randomly bring him up. I don't want to be jealous, but I don't want my girlfriend thinking about other guys. Especially him. "Why?" She shrugs. "Just does. Maybe it's because it's fluffy, pale, and soft. His hair is fluffy, his voice is soft, and his skin is light. He's kinda like a cloud. " "I suppose." "Don't be fussy. There's something up there that reminds me of you too." "What?" She points up. "The sun." "You're so lame." "It's true!" "Why, because I'm so pleasant? I've heard it before." I don't want to be in a bad mood. I shouldn't be affected by only the mention of another guy, but it's because it's him. It's painful watching them together. He understands things I never will, that's so frustrating. It's great they're friends. But they're so close now, I trust her, but I still worry. That's natural, right? "That's not the only reason. Do you even want to listen to what I have to say?" "Sure." She sighs. "Never mind. I shouldn't have said anything. Sorry." Damn it. "No, you're fine. I'm just being overly sensitive. Will you tell me why the sun reminds you of me?" I look at her as she rolls onto her stomach and looks back at me. "Because unlike a cloud that isn't always around, the sun is always there. Even if a cloud is in front of it, it's always there. And clouds change, they move and go away. The sun stays. And even at night, it's there and shines on the moon. It's always shedding light on the world and supporting it. It's warm and welcoming. And yes, you're very pleasant and have a bright personality. One that can revitalize people. Just like the sun does. You're always there for the people you care about, you're supportive, and you lift people's spirits while giving them hope and the courage to move forward. You're a necessity just like the sun. You're my sun." I want to cry. That's too much. I never thought I'd be so happy to not be a cloud. I never thought I'd ever want to be a cloud in the first place. "Boram. You're too kind. You're so imaginative and good with words. I think you need to start writing my songs." She laughs. "But they wouldn't be yours. People like your songs because they match you. So, is there anything that reminds you of me?" I look up and close my eyes. I've never thought about it really, but only one thing comes to mind. "The north star." "Really? Why that of all things?" She must have expected me to say my world or something; which she sort of is, but that's beside the point. "The north star is stable because it never leaves people, especially in their time of need. It's reliable because it can lead you home. It knows how to guide people and is always ready to help them when they are lost. It's far away, but it's the most beautiful star. It always catches people's eyes because it's so bright and dazzling. If I had more time, I could probably think of-" There's the kiss I wanted. The long and heartfelt one. A kiss that's from all of her. I wrap my arms around her waist and pull her against me as she leans over me a little. These are the kisses that make my day so much better. I swear I live for these moments. I feel her smile and she pulls away a little. "This isn't exactly the best place." "Do you know how tired I am of hearing that excuse?" "It's not really an excuse." "It is to me." "I'm trying to keep your image in mind. The way your holding me right now is more than enough for people to make judgments about." "Boram, my image is exactly that. Mine. You don't need to worry about it more than I do. Our relationship is me and you; not me, you, and the public. Don't stress about it so much." "I'll try." "If you can't kiss me, then can you do something else?" "What's that?" "Pet me." She laughs. "You're such a damn cat. You want to lay in the sun and be pet. Can you try not to fall asleep if I do?" "I can't make any promises." She sits up and stretches her legs out. I lay my head on her legs and she pets me. "Don't worry, I won't make you purr this time." I chuckle. "I appreciate it. Your legs are so comfy. Did you know that?" "I've been told that." I turn back and look at her. "By who exactly?" She turns my face away again and continues to pet me. "Relax. It was my mom." "Your mom?" "Yeah. At home I'd sit on the couch and she'd end up resting her head against my legs. She's always been, not fascinated, but kind of confused by them." "Confused? Why?" "I don't look much like my parents. Not like I was adopted or something, it's just that I don't look like them specifically. I take after my grandmother for the most part. Which is a strange thing to say, especially when it's about having the same body shape, but it's true. I look at pictures of her as a child, a teen, and her in her twenties, and I really do look like her." "That's nice you look like someone." "Yeah, I still wish I looked a little more like my parents though." "I've never seen them, so I wouldn't know. You've never shown me a picture or anything." "Oh. I guess I haven't." "Could you? I'm sure you have one on your phone." "I do." "Then show me." She sighs as she reaches for her phone. Why's she so unwilling to show me? She scrolls through her phone and continues sighing. "Is something wrong?" Again, she sighs. "Not particularly." "Then what's with the noises?" "Just frustrated." "By what?" "Well, I've seen your family and you all look so happy and loving." "So?" She's hesitant to speak. "Mine isn't." "What do you mean? You talk about your mom all the time. You seem to play around and be close." "Yeah, because I take after her personality. I'm extroverted and a little bit of a rebel. My dad doesn't like it though." "If you're like your mother why wouldn't he like the way you are? That doesn't make sense." "Because he loves my mother, but his family doesn't. And he loves me of course, but they don't care for me either. They're incredibly traditional. So much so, that you'd think my dad just immigrated there yesterday. My mom on the other hand, is American without a doubt." "I always assumed your dad would be that way too." "No. They differ on many things. My mom likes rap, he hates it. She likes my tattoos, he asks me why I did that to my body. She's close, and he's a bit distant. She could care less who I date as long as I'm happy, but..." She stops talking in the middle of her sentence. I don't think she wants me to hear the end of that statement. "But what?" "Don't worry about it, it's not like that anymore anyway. He's gotten over it." "If it's not, then tell me." She picks her phone back up and starts tapping away, ignoring what I said. "Tell me." She puts it down again. "But my dad only cared about their race and wanted me to be with a Korean man. My mom finally changed his mind about that though." I laugh a little. "What's funny about that? It's embarrassing and it was really difficult to live with." "I'm sorry. It's just that, that's so normal here. Your dad really does sound like he just immigrated there. It might be odd for Americans, but a lot of adults here don't like interracial couples. Not all, but there's plenty. So I don't mean to laugh, but you don't need to worry about it. I won't judge him or anything." "You won't?" "Of course not." "Thank god." "Alright, now show me a picture." "Okay, okay." She picks up her phone and it takes about five seconds for her to find what she's looking for. She was seriously stalling before. "These are pictures from when I was little, it's so neat being able to scan things onto the computer so I can have them all with me." She hands her phone to me. I see a picture of a pleasant woman with an equally pleasant looking little girl sitting on her lap. "That's my mom and me. I was probably four or five there." "You were so cute and happy looking. You haven't changed much." "That's because my mom made sure I didn't lose that. You can scroll to the next one." I scroll and the next one is a stoic man with the same girl sitting next to him. She's hardly recognizable though without a big grin on her face. "That's my dad and me. It was the same day if you could believe it. We took that right after the one with my mom." I don't know what to say. "He's very serious and it made it hard to smile in pictures with him. He wasn't angry, he was happy. He just doesn't smile in pictures that much." "At least you know he's happy." "Yeah. You can scroll to the next one." I do, and it's all of them. Her dad is serious, but her mom and her have small smiles. "I was able to smile a little when I knew my mom was smiling too. It felt like it was okay." "You look much more natural when you smile. Even now." "I think so too." She takes her phone away. "Hey, I want to see some with you grown up." "You're very demanding." "I am." "Fine." She hands the phone back to me and it has a picture of her and her dad on it. He has a slight smile though. "So he started smiling?" "Only because I'd give him a hard time about it." "That's good you get along well enough to joke." "It's getting a lot better." I scroll again and it's a picture of her and her mom. "You look so happy. Both of you. You say you don't look like her, but that smile is definitely hereditary." "I guess." I scroll. "Oh my god." She laughs. "Yeah, that's us." It's a picture of her and her mother giving the finger. And they look like they're having a good laugh over it. "What's the story?" "We're smart asses and someone said to smile for a picture. We did that and we started laughing because we both did the same thing so naturally. My smile's not the only thing I got from her. She has an attitude like mine." "I can't wait to meet her." She takes the phone back. "They're both excited to meet you someday too." "I'm glad. So they like me?" "Definitely." "And not just because I'm Korean?" "Shut up. No, they like you because you treat me nice. When I first described you without saying what you did or that you were Korean, they were happy you treated me well. My dad didn't even care, he just wanted me happy. My mom finally got to him." "That's good. I'm glad they approve." "They more than approve." "Why do you say that. Are they asking about when we'll get married or something?" "You think it's a joke, but that's exactly what they're doing." "Seriously? After just a year?" "My dad thinks that's more than enough time. And my mom is just excited for..." There she goes pausing again. "For what? Don't tell me. You're going to say she wants grandchildren doesn't she." "How'd you know?" "What do you think my mom says?" She bursts out laughing. "Good to know my mom's not crazy." "No she is, but so is every other mom. It's just what happens when someone has to raise children." "That makes sense. I'd go crazy too if I had to raise me." "Or me." She giggles. "Our children will be such handfuls. They'll be unstoppable little balls of energy." "They'll be getting a lot of time outs." "I can see it now. They'll each have their own designated corner in the house where they can think about what they did." I laugh. "And what about when that doesn't work? Because I don't think it will." "Do you know what wall-sits are?" "No." "You put your back flat against the wall, and then slide down and bend your knees so you're in a position like you're sitting on a chair. It will feel like you literally lit your legs on fire." "That sounds incredibly cruel." "It's better than spanking. Plus it's exercise. It's good for them." "Wow. That's an interesting view." "What's so bad about it? Fine, if you don't like that one, I have others." "Did you get punished a lot as a child?" "Not really, but the few times I did, my mom and dad were creative about it." "So what else?" "They can hold their arms straight out in front of them." "That's not that bad." "It's pretty hard after a while. It's boring for one, and it uses arm muscles that aren't used a lot so it gets uncomfortable fast. So I think that would work well." "I agree." "And if it doesn't, then wall-sits." "Fine, but only as a last resort." She scoffs. "I think it'll be used plenty. But whatever you say. I think you'll be sending them to corners a lot." "What! Why!" "Because I don't think you'll know how to discipline them besides doing that. I'm pretty sure any long talks about why they should or shouldn't do something, will be done by me." "You're probably right actually." "But I have a feeling you'll be sitting in on a few of those talks as being their partner in crime." I laugh. "It's like you can see the future." "Maybe I can. I had a great aunt who could." "You're family's a bit strange." "But interesting." "No doubt." There's some silence and all I can hear are birds. "You stopped a long time ago." She giggles. "Petting you?" "Yes." She starts petting me again and I close my eyes. ... How long did I just fall asleep for? Who's Boram talking to and why is she holding up a conversation while I'm sleeping with my head on her lap. She's even still petting me! This is embarrassing. I'll just pretend I'm sleeping until they leave. Maybe they won't see who I am that way. She shakes my shoulder a little. "Hoseok." Shit. "Hoseok, come on. You weren't sleeping that hard, stop pretending." I sigh and sit up. She had been talking to a couple teenage girls. "These girls wanted to say hi to you. They were very polite." They look pretty calm. That's good. If I have to run into fans, at least they're relaxed. I didn't even hear them walk up. I wonder how long they talked before I even woke up. One of the girls speaks. "We thought it might be you, but once we saw her, we knew it was. She's unique so it's easy to tell her apart." Boram laughs. "I'll consider that a compliment." "Oh, I definitely meant it as one. You're very pretty." "Thank you very much." She nudges me. "Hoseok stand up and meet your fans. Take pictures with them." After I take a couple pictures with them and they tell me how much they like BTS, they say goodbye. I sit back down. "So how was your first experience with fans?" "Just fine. They were nice girls. They approached me and honestly, I'm not sure they even wanted me to wake you. We talked for a minute and I woke you up because they were so sweet. I felt like they deserved to meet you." "I'm glad you lucked out and got to meet some of the normal ones." "Normal?" "Fans can be as crazy here as they can in any other country." "Oh. I am pretty lucky then. Not sure I could be absolutely nice to rude fans. I'd try my best, but I'd probably make a rude remark and make them feel bad. I can't forget a dirty look either." "Those glares you give are truly deadly." "Precisely. That's the point." "Whatever works, right?" "Pretty much. It works on everyone else, so why not some inconsiderate fans." "Maybe we should bring you on tour." She laughs. "Maybe I just need to teach you guys how to give death-glares and be a little rude now and then to those who deserve it. If a fan can't respect you, then I don't think they deserve to be treated with as much, if any, respect as those who do." "That's true." "Keep that in mind. It may need to happen someday." "I'd like to think it won't, but eventually, it probably will need to be done." "You can only ignore it and be nice for so long." "You're right. Let's hope they grow up on their own before that needs to be done." "Let's hope."