I'm sorry forgive me
A JhopexReader oneshot
And all that was left of him were his sweet promises and hopefully memories....
There a time in life, when the only thing you have left are the sweet promises and hopefully memories of the one person you ones kept so close to your heart.
Love it can be one of the most stupidest thing in the world yet we as humans believe in it and want it. Why is it that we believe that just by having someone there will make you feel happy and better? when you can be surrounded by a crowd of loving family and friends and still feel so alone. They say even the most saddest person in the world can seem like the most happiest person you've ever seen. We are fooled by the mask people wear, we are fooled by the mask we ourself wear. A mask we put on to fool ourself into believing that we're happy. but there also that one person in the entire world that is capable of see through this mask you wear and see the real you that also isolated themselves from the world. That hid in the shadows of other, that keep themself lock away in sorrow and that always keep their barriers held up so high. That one person who knock down all your walls and saw the real you that you always tried to hide is the one person who can both fix you and also destory you more than you already are...
"It's your fault everyone always leave you!" he barked
"I don't care" you bluntly said
"Why do you do that!" he asked you as he raked his hair back
you shrugged your shoulders as you stared emotionless at his direction.
"you always push away the people who try to help you!"
"I don't need anybody to help me" you said with a empty and cold expression.
"you never appreciate what you have that you always lose everything because your never bother to show that you care" his voice trembled
"I never asked anybody to help me to do anything for me" you looked away from him
"WHY DO YOU ALWAYS SAY SUCH PAINFUL WORDS DO YOU REALLY WANT TO SHOVE ME OUT OF YOUR LIFE!" He cried out as tears began to fall
He look at you as you showed no empathy, not a single emotion of love or care did you show. only cold and empty feeling showed in your face expression. He cuffed his mouth as he hitched a cry for sorrow and loneliness. the sound of his cry shook your heart you could feel it breaking. Why are you letting it happen like this again why must you always hurt him and break him down every time.
"Do you even still love me?" he asked you with such a painful look in his eyes
"No i never ones believe in love not even with you "you said as you look him straight in the eyes.
"you don't mean it!! your lying please tell me you don't mean it please" he begged you so pathetically
"I never loved you"
those 4 simple words shattered everything that was ones so joyful and loving. it's funny how the word I love you and I hate you can cause the human heart to feel so much in such little time. But to hear someone you love tell you they never once felt anything for you. to know that they don't share your feeling, can be so unbearable, so painful, so agonizing and heart breaking. but you never notice that because you used your words like nothing without thinking how much they can sting a person. Until that night, That day when your eyes were finally force open to see the consequences of your action. that night when you witness the love of your life take his own life.
I never meant to kill you... please tell me it's not true... please open your eyes... God no... I love you so much... please don't leave me... forgive me... I want it all to be a dream a nightmare your not dead! I'm nothing without you.
"don't hide that beautiful smile of your" hoseok said as he removed your hand from over your mouth.
"pst your so cheesy" you tried to hide the fact that you were blushing as you turn away.
hoseok chuckled as he pat your head and kissed your forehead. your face quickly turned pink, he found this adorable as he caressed your cheek and smiled that hopeful smile of his. 'how can it be that someone like him actually be interested in someone like me' you said to yourself in your head. you never thought that you'd ever feel so happy to actually smile until your cheeks hurt. To actually feel like someone truly appreciate you and see the real you. hoseok walked you home as you talk about how school was and how people annoy you, how your family just doesn't understand you. Hoseok listen carefully as you open up to him and when it look like you wanted to cry he would hold you and kiss your cheek until you felt safe again.
the first time you cried to him was in front of school by the bus stop. you were so frustrated with what your sister said and how she always pushed you down and makes you feel like crap. how everyone seems to favor her more and compare you two and say she more sweet and caring then you and more helpful. you could take it anymore with them and school and kids in school messing with you again you just Want it all to stop. Hoseok held you as you cried but what made you stop crying feel good was the poem he made for you.
before I met you,
my world was black and white.
my heart felt empty and cold
my world was lonely and painful.
but when I saw you,
my heart felt warm and fuzzy
my world was bright and colorful.
your the light to my darkness
the little hope that I have left.
the warmth in my heart
and the air in my lungs
i couldn't see a thing
my heart will not beat
my would has no meaning
i wouldn't be breathing
I've had not hope in living
thank you for being my reason to living.
but that moment didn't last as rumors were spread the moment you two started dating. People lied and said you only use him for money. they said they saw him with a different girl. Your own friend spread a rumor saying you stole him from her when he didn't even know she existed. people start more and more hurtful lying about you how you never let him talk to his friends how because of you he became a asshole. you were called a slut and a whore and good digger, useless and unappreciative. you got to the point where you told him you couldn't be with him because it was all just to much for you to handle. but he didn't give up on you he stayed by your side, you fell for him even more. time passed and it became 3 years together an all through those eyes you argued about the same thing about him calling girls sweet name about him lying and hiding things from you how he called you such hurt full name you couldn't keep giving in but all of it was in your head the fear of him cheating on you because of your parents fuck up relationship and how most of your aunts and uncles had separated from their wife's and husband and how your sister husband was cheating on her too. you became protective and defensive you were scared of love and getting hurt that you began to push everyone who cared for you away.
You and hoseok both fear to be hurt that what made you both completely perfect together. you trust in him and he trust in you, you open up to him as he open up to you, you lost your virginity to him as he lost his toO you. even though your dream was to marry as a Virgin in a white dress like a princess with a veil. it was thrown away just for him because you believe that you would stay with him forever and grow old together with 4 cats 10 dogs 1 fish and 2 birds with 4 kids in a big beautiful home.
but it was all ruined over something so stupid something so dumb over stupid promises that were broken and lies that were told over pride. you were shattered by his actions by the fact he lied to and keep secret from you. how he talk to girls behind your back so you broke up with him for that mistake but he cried for you and beg you to take him back and you fell for it because you loved him but you didn't show it this time you did the same to him you lied and talk to guys behind his back you broke him as much as he broke you, you shattered him into pieces yet he still apologize instead for being perfect and cry for you to stop talking to other guys. you felt so stupid for doing such dumb things for no reason it was pointless because you only hurt yourself. but you couldnt help it you couldn't trust him anymore it was difficult for you to believe in his words. until that night that he was taken from you was when you realize you were such a fool.
it's a cloudy day and you had so much already on your plate but for some reason your mother wants to add more to it. She told you to clean the house because she tired and to buy food because she doesn't have money to buy anything to make. your boss was also Being a dick to you today because of someone told him you mess up a customer order and gave them the wrong change when it wasn't even you also they said you haven't been of any use lately. you've gotten tired of the same Bullshit every day but you need the job more then anyone. Reason Is because your father isn't of any help and only wastes his time on drinking beer. your older sisters just like to complain and say your stupid and don't help. The only sister that was ever there for you move away now, you guys hardly talk because she always busy and your mother only lays around and yells about everything. your always being blame when something gotten ruin at home even if you weren't there life was just becoming to much for you lately. But when you talked about it with hoseok it felt as if the weight of the world was lifted off your shoulder. but today felt different he didn't pick up and didn't message you at all you got worried and wonder why? you started thinking bad about him again even though you didn't want too.
the day went by so fast and hoseok coming over to your place around 6pm.
"Where were you? why didn't you answer me or text me back?" you question him
"i was busy sorry" he reply
"yeah whatever why are you here so late? just go home" you said as you turn your back on him
"(Y/N) do you love me?"
"Why are you asking me a stupid question?" you argued
"It's not a stupid question it's a serious question. Do you love me?" he asked you again as he grab you by your arm
"I'm not going to deal with this again, let me go" you pull away from hoseok as you glared angrily
"Why don't you ever show me that you care, but with other you do. why is it so hard for you to tell me you love me?" hoseok shouted desperately causing you to turn back around
"this is what piss me off how you say such stupid things when I've always told you I love you and showed you i cared but you never saw it" you stated
"I did see it but-"
"No you didn't you never did I was never good enough for you you always thought I talk to other guys when I can't stand other people around me." you cut hoseok off as you stated your mind
"I never said you weren't good enough" hoseok protested
"I'm tired of having this same fight with you over and over again just leave and don't even come back" you demand
"Why do you always do that!" he barked
"Why do you always just break things off so easily like of its poitnless" hoseok added
your throat felt dry as you tried to gulp down the tight knot in your throat. you turn to look at him again and notice the tears streaming down his cheeks.
"Because it is pointless" you brutally said as you approach him.
"You never appreciate what I did for you. you only just pushed me away nothing ever seem to make you happy!" hoseok yelled out
"whatever say what you want" you implied
"you never where there for me" hoseok said with a serious tone
"Don't you fucking lie I was always there for you!!" you protested
"When! tell me when!" he shouted angrily
"all the time but you won't even see that" you cooed
"do you love me!" He cried out
"I never loved you!" your words echoed
"this why everyone you love leaves you because you push them all because of your pride" hoseok exclaims
"I don't care" you said bluntly
"Why don't you ever just stop thinking of your pride and your own selfishNess and think of other for ones!" Hoseok told you
"all I ever did was think of everyone else I'm in sick and tired of no one ever noticing that!"
"I notice!" he claimed
"No you didn't you never did your just like eveyones else" you pointed out
hoseok grab you and pulled you close as he kissed you but you only pushed him way and slapped him.
"It's over!" you addressed with a angry voice
"You've always done this to yourself (Y/N) ! this why everyone you love leaves you because you push them away whenever they try to help you!"
"I'm don't need anybody to help me"
"Stop pushing me away!" hoseok cried out
"Told you one day you'll regret choosing me" you said as you looked away from him
"I'll never regret loving you" he said with so much sorrow in his voice
you ignore and continued looking away from him as he begin to try and beg you to tell him you loved him. but you didn't you only stared coldly at him. hoseok plead to you on his knees, crying to never leave him. hoseok stood up as you cried out
"I'm nothing without you if you leave me now there not be a reason for me to live" his eyes were puffy and red his voice cracked as he cried devastatingly.
you walked up close to him as he drop to the ground and cried. staring down on him with a emotionless look you send empty.
"I would cry for you if you died"
hoseok cover his mouth as he cried hard you could feel your heart shaking and breaking apart after which hitch of cry he made.
"please tell you love me!"
"I hate you! I'll never love you!"
hoseok stood up as he look desperately shattered and walked towards your kitchen. you weren't sure what was he doing but you followed quietly. hoseok turn to face you with a knife to his chest and ask You again.
"say that you love me please"
"you really think doing something stupid like that would help you your so stupid" you laughed even though your eyes widen from the fear of him actually doing but you didn't show it.
"please say it" he plead
"I don't love you"
and in that moment he shoved it deeply into his chest your eyes shot open as your heart drop and your mind became chaotic. you ran towards him as he fell to ground blood gushing out of his mouth as tears streamed down. you were to scared to pull the knife out as you cried out his name your mother running into the kitchen and starts screaming uncontrollably. your sisters finally arriving home rushed into the house and drop their bags as they saw you crying over him unsure of what to do. you cried to them for help as they called the ambulance. you held onto hoseok tightly as he repeatly told him
"I'm so sorry... please don't leave me... I'm sorry I causes you so much pain please... hoseok PLEASE DON'T DIE ON ME!!!" you begged
"I LOVE YOU!!!" you cried as you look into the little life of eyes he had left.
the ambulance finally arrived and carried him into the van and you in there with him as you held his hand. the paramedics trying everything possible to keep him alive so that they'll make it in time to the hospital. hoseok turn to look at you with such a weak effort he mouth the words 'I love you too' as his eyes slowly begins to close. you grab his hand tighter.
"No please no don't please hoseok please don't go PLEASE DON'T DIE ON ME I'M SORRY PLEASE I'LL DO BETTER I'LL BE A BETTER GIRLFRIEND I'LL BE THERE MORE DON'T LEAVE PLEASE!!! I need you so much!!" you cried desperately
"PLEASE OPEN YOUR EYES HOSEOK PLEASE SMILE AGAIN PLEASE DON'T GO PLEASE LET ME HEAR YOUR SWEET VOICE YOUR HOPEFUL LAUGH PLEASE!"
"young lady you need to let him go!" the nurse told you as they rush him out of they van and into the hospital.
but you kept holding onto him tightly as you cried "don't die please what about our future and our family we plan on having please! wake up" you cried hard.
Finally a nurse moved you away as they took him into the hospital. your knees weaken as they buckled causing you to fall to the cold hard ground as you tried regretting everything you said to him. you've killed the only person who gave you hope over your own pride.
"God please don't take him from me! I'm begging you! give me just a little more time to tell him that I love him more then anything in the world!!!" you shouted to the dark could sky as it begin to rain.
your parents rush over to you and held you tightly as you cried patting you on the back. your mother knew how much pain you were in and she couldn't stand seeing her baby girl cry, it brought tears to her eyes. you begging your mother to bring him back to make the pain go away you ask her if it was all your fault as she just pulled you in for a tighter hug. this day was the day you realize how easily a word can make a big impact on someone else life how you always had to thinking before you speak Because a simple hurt word can cause someone to end their life.
Two years have passed and today was your 5 year anniversary with hoseok so you drove all the way to him and even prepared a picnic basket. you calmed up a high hill it was quite tiring but you keep on going. Finally reaching your destination you took a breather and sat down fixing the picnic blanket and foods. you smile but it wasn't a very happy smile it was a sad smiled because it still hurts you no Matter how much you don't like to remember that day it always play in your head every time you go and see hoseok. you began to cry as you started missing everything about him is touch his smile the sound of his laugh and voice and the smell of his scent. you sighed heavily as you laid next to him.
"even if your gone physical your still near me spiritual." you said as you kiss his tombstone.
sorry if it made you cry I felt kinda like trying a sad story about Jhope idk why I just did I felt so emotion writing this lol hope you guys like it. Sorry for my mistake in this story it late and I got work lol in a couple of hours
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