You hung up the phone and laid back in bed completely happy. Happier than you've been in a long time. You sat in silence for a moment, not thinking about anything in particular. Then, almost as if you had forgotten what had just happened, your mind flooded with thoughts. You could no longer hear yourself, only Namjoons voice on replay. Your brain ran back over every word Namjoon said. Replaying the sounds until you were confident you could write the whole conversation down, word for word. Your mind jumped around so quick it gave you a headache. You had to do something to let out some of the stress like feelings that were building inside you like steam, afraid you might explode. You grabbed your pillow and pressed it against your face. You then screamed as loud as you could, until your lungs were empty and your room was spinning. You laid back, chest heaving in an effort to recover the breath you just forced out. A few minutes later you finally calmed down and reclaimed your sanity. Now able to think straight, you giggled and smiled at all the unbelievable things that have happened to you in the short span of two days. A week ago, you would have voluntarily locked yourself up for thinking any of this would happen. You still couldn't understand what made you so special. You were sure you weren't the only fan to write a nice letter to bts. So what about you made Namjoon feel like he needed to know more. You found yourself torn. You still felt like Namjoon was lying to you when he told you how much he enjoyed talking to you. But you also trust him so much already, that you can feel the sincerity in his statements. The strongest feeling coursing through your body though, was a mix between a new found confidence and pride. Whether you saw it or not, you were doing something right. So right, that the one man you've admired from a far for so long wants to be a part of your life. Finally starting to relax, you felt satisfied with yourself. The adrenaline of the moment started to wear off, causing you to slowly drift off to sleep.
~ The next morning. You woke up the next day on your own. You had off today so you made sure to turn your alarms off before bed. Laying in bed feeling a new level of refreshed, you reach for your phone to see that it was almost noon. You typed in your pass code and began scrolling through your social media to catch up on what you might have missed while you were sleeping. Thinking back to the night before, you felt something new. Confusion. You never felt attracted to Namjoon, more like you felt proud knowing he existed. You looked up to him. But now you felt strange. Everything he did gave you butterflies and sent you into a new world of hot cheeks and giggles. You quickly snap out of it, putting your phone back in its spot on your nightstand, you crawl out of bed and head to the kitchen to get something to eat. When you discovered you had very little food, you decided that you would do some grocery shopping, then spend the rest of the day at home relaxing. You quickly got changed, grabbed your keys and phone, and made your way to the grocery store. Making sure to only get what you needed, you grabbed a sandwich for lunch, and finished your shopping trip as quickly as you could. You got home and put everything in its place, took what clothes you deemed unnecessary off and climbed back in bed ready to be lazy. As you put a random movie on, you remembered that you wanted to text y/f/n and see how she was. You held your phone above your face, careful not to drop it. You've made that mistake plenty of times. As you unlock your phone you realize that it had been on silent since you got up, so you didn't see that Namjoon was spamming you up until now. You read the texts first, smiling as you skimmed over the words. "Good morning, fangirl! I hope you slept well and ate a big meal! I just wanted to remind you that you are really amazing. Like I don't even understand how one small girl could hold that amount of awesomeness. Anyway, just wanted to say thanks again for talking on the phone with me! It was great. I can't wait to do it again! Text me when you have some free time!" You sighed dramatically at your new nickname. Fangirl. Great. Before you replied you went to check the snaps he sent you. They were pretty normal, just Namjoon taking selfies with the rest of the group. It was the final snap that made you laugh. You waited as it loaded, only to see a video playing before you. You quickly turned your volume up so you didn't miss it. Namjoon was dancing around your screen like a little kid, all while singing "I believe I can fly" over and over again. His voice cracked loudly on the last note causing him to stop dead in his tracks and laugh at the camera. He then smiled that precious smile that made your heart skip a beat, and the video ended. "I call bullshit. There is no way you are older than me Kim Namjoon. You really are a child in a grown mans body! But I'm okay with that, because it means I get to see videos like that one. Hi! I have off today so guess what I'm doing!" You replied in a playful manner. You set your phone on your chest and went back to your movie. Some time passes before your phone dings. "Hey! That's not nice! Im a big strong grown man! Sometimes.. Ah whatever! Don't act like you don't love it! Woo! Days off are the best, aren't they? Hmm I'm predicting that you're laying in bed being lazy! Am I right?" You laughed at the fact that he already knew you well enough to know what you were doing with your day off. "Whoa how'd you know?! I'm enjoying the company of my bed all day and no one can make me move! I can't think of anything I would rather be doing." Once again you placed your phone back on your chest and turned your attention to the tv. This time though, it took no time at all for Namjoon to reply. "Well with the way you work everyday, I can only imagine that you take every chance you get to just chill. Mm bed sounds nice right about now! I hate sleeping on planes. Wait really? There's nothing you'd rather be doing? Not one thing? Not even.. Oh I don't know, hanging out with me?! I'm crushed y/n. Crushed." You couldn't help but chuckle at how playful Namjoon was being. "You are 100% correct. I'm really just a lazy bum. What?! Why would I want to hang out with you when I could be in my bed? Silly silly man." The playful banter continued between the two of you all afternoon. He sent you goofy pictures of his bed asking if yours was really better. And with every cocky message you received, you sent one back. You were having such a good time. The confidence you felt when talking to Namjoon showed, and neither of you seemed to have a problem with it. You did I great job keeping up with his witty mind. The atmosphere calmed and you ended up just chatting. The typical whats up, how's your day conversation. But not in a boring way. With every message you sent and received, you felt yourself genuinely interested in the "boring" thread. Even with nothing left to talk about, you kept texting. But the time came when he said he had to go practice, and he will probably go right to bed after. You were sad to see him go, but you were also okay with it. You couldn't distract him from the things that really matter. You said your goodbyes, and put on a new movie to occupy your time. Your phone went off again and you checked it, expecting it to be from a friend, but Namjoons name lit up the screen. "Ah I wish I didn't have to go! I just want to talk to you all day. This practice is going to drag on forever. But I'll text you whenever I get a chance! Have fun being a lazy bum, fangirl!" You felt happy knowing that all he wanted to do was talk to you, but you didn't reply because you knew he needed to focus at practice. The rest of your day was spent exactly how you planned. In bed.
You hadn't noticed the sun went down until you were completely out of things to watch. You felt the weight of tiredness creep up on your body. Looking at your phone to see it was already midnight, you decided to take a nice hot bubble bath, then go to sleep. Climbing in the steaming tub, you put music on your phone and set it next to you. After only about ten minutes in the bath you get a text from Namjoon. "Are you awake? I'm sorry, it must be late there but I would really like to hear your voice." You replied with a simple I'm up, taking a bubble bath. You told him he can always call whenever, there was no need to ask. With that, your phone rings. You pick up and say hi. Namjoon sounded almost relieved to hear your voice. "Ah jagi. Im sorry to interrupt your bath, I just had a long day and wanted to hear your voice." You smiled and said "Oh please, being able to talk to you while I'm in the bath makes it even better. What happened? Why did you have a long day?" You finished, your voice laced with concern. Namjoon said there was no specific bad thing that happened, just that he felt his stress and exhaustion catching up with him. He told you that all through practice, the other members were bickering and its his job as leader to work things out. But no one wanted to listen so he just gave up and called you. You soothed him by saying everyone has bad days. "Namjoon oppa, if you're feeling overwhelmed, then I'm sure the other members are too! Just take a breather and try again. And if you really can't get through to them, I suggest you end practice early and you all go home and relax. You deserve a day off more than I do. Take a bubble bath with me! Ah I mean like me. Take a bubble bath like me." Namjoon chuckled at your words. "Take a bubble bath with you? Really? I just got back to Korea and you're going to tease me with an offer like that? Not fair young lady. Not fair at all." He said almost too seriously causing your skin to raise into goosebumps. Your mind was to foggy to come up with a witty response. "Mhm that's how I roll, my Monster. I play dirty." Was all you could come up with. You had no idea where the nickname my monster came from, but you liked it. It seemed as though Namjoon was taken aback by your response because it took a second for you to hear his voice on the other end. When you finally did, the first thing from his lips was a deep chuckle, followed by an ugh sound. You asked why he made that noise and he awkwardly shook it off. "Heh never mind that. My monster? That's cute jagi, I like it! Anyway I should probably get back in there and make sure they don't kill each other. Hey, thanks for listening, and changing my mood! Talking to you really does make everything better. I'll let you know how this practice goes. Talk soon, fangirl." You said goodbye as well, hung up and laid back in the tub. Like always, you replayed the conversation in you mind. You then made the sudden realization that you and Namjoon were just flirting. Confused and not sure how you felt, you climbed out of the water and wrapped your towel around your body. You rinsed the tub out, dryed yourself off and slithered into bed, not feeling like getting dressed. Still feeling unsure about flirting with Namjoon, you closed your eyes and fell asleep.
~Namjoons pov~ I ended the call with y/n with a smile and a sad feeling in my stomach. What am I thinking? She's just a fan. No that's not true. The conversations we've been having prove that. She's awesome. In the three years I've been an idol, I've never felt the need to reach out to a fan, but when I saw the way she carried herself, then read her letter, I couldn't help it. She isn't exactly an open book, I have to work to get to know her, and i love that. Not to mention her style. God she's gorgeous. Chill Namjoon, chill. I tried to stop thinking about her, and sleep. When I woke up, I couldn't help myself, I had to talk to her. "Good morning, fangirl! I hope you slept well and ate a big meal! I just wanted to remind you that you are really amazing. Like I don't even understand how one small girl could hold that amount of awesomeness..." The words just flowed out of me. I sent the text with no regrets. I asked all the members to take a few pictures with me for y/n to wake up to and they happily agreed. I decided to send her a goofy video of myself singing, it went well until my voice cracked loudly, causing my to burst into laughter. I wasn't planning on sending it, but my finger slipped. Ugh Namjoon you're a disaster. I kept myself occupied with random tasks around the dorm until she replied. Her reply about me being a child made me chuckle, i acted hurt to get a rise out of her. We had a wonderful conversation that lasted all day. I loved how confident and sassy she was being. But eventually the time came where I had to go to practice so I ended the conversation, I made sure to tell her I didn't want to go. Practice didn't go too well though. The members wanted to know how things were going with y/n, but I couldn't bring myself to tell them much because I didn't want them to see my true feelings for her. I just spilled the basics while trying to remain cool. "Yeah were still talking. She's really cool! Definitely more than just a fan. I really enjoy talking to her! She told me she's a dancer. I wonder if she could put Hosek, Jimin, or Jungkook to shame!" I finished, making them laugh. They were obviously satisfied with what I told them because they left me alone and started talking to each other. Before I knew it, everyone was fighting. I couldn't even catch the reason, they were just bickering and yelling at one another. I tried to step in multiple times but they wouldnt listen to me and instead, directed their frustration my way. I felt like I was going to explode. I quickly grabbed my phone and went to an empty room down the hall. The only thought running through my mind was that I had to hear y/n's voice. I sent the text, silently begging for a response. Y/n replied immediately giving me the green light to call. As soon as she answered and I heard her voice, I felt my mood change from overwhelmed to calm. Her silky, tired voice was music to my red hot ears. I spoke, unable to hide the relief I felt in my voice. I apologized for interrupting her "me time", and told her I just needed to hear her voice. Y/n told me not to apologize, that talking to me made her bath more enjoyable. I couldn't believe she liked talking to me that much. I had imagined she would be frustrated with me for needing her as much as I did. I told her I had a rough day, feeling the anger from before slowly creep back into my mind. But again, her calm soothing voice brought me back to my happy place. She asked why my day was bad, sounding extremely concerned. I told her that the members weren't listening to me, causing the practice to drag on. Y/n gave me kind advice, telling me to keep calm and think about how the other guys are probably feeling. She proposed the idea that if I can't get them to listen, we should skip practice and go to the dorm and relax instead. She then said something that surprised me, making me chuckle at her babbling. She mixed up her words and accidentally told me I should take a bath with her, quickly correcting herself. My dark sense of humor couldn't resist, so I responded, testing the waters to see where she stood. I felt as though I made her uncomfortable with my suggestive response because she didn't reply in the manner I was used to. The nickname she used though, "my monster" made my heart speed up. I felt oddly confident at the fact that she was calling me hers. I realized I had been deep in thought and it had been a moment since she said this. I chuckled and groaned into the phone. I wanted to tell her that I liked her. The weight of the confession sitting on my chest. But I was afraid it was too soon, I didn't want her to reject me and not talk with my anymore. So i kept it to myself, and when she asked why I made the noise I did, I simply pushed the question away and instead told her I liked the nickname she had chosen. I decided it was time to hang up, in fear that if I heard her voice any longer, I would make a fool of myself. So we said our goodbyes and hung up. I sunk to the floor, thinking long and hard about y/n. She's the fan, but I'm the one losing my composure. She just seems too good to be true. I thought back to our recent conversations. She didn't once talk about something that didn't interest me. I felt this magnetic attraction to her. Something I've never felt before. I told myself I would tell her when the time is right. But for now, I needed to go against my instincts and get advice from the boys.
When I arrived back to the practice room, the members seemed to have calmed down, and were talking to one another. Yoongi heard the door close and turned to see me standing there. I had a look of confusion and hesitation painted on my face, not trying in the least to hide it. I was so focused on trying to figure out what to say or ask first, that I hadn't noticed Yoongi looking at me with concern. I walked over with a half smile on my face as the other members saw me, quickly changing their expressions to match Yoongis. I took a seat on the floor, sighing loudly. The members did the same, crowding me, waiting for me to speak. "I need some help, and I don't know who else to go to." I finally said, scanning the room. "Of course Namjoon hyung! we're here to help with anything!" Teahyung quickly said. I smiled at his enthusiasm and continued. "I guess I have feelings for y/n. Its so fast I know, but we've confided in each other so much already. I feel like I know her. I find myself craving her voice when I'm stressed, or sad, or bored, or happy, ahh just all the time! I want to hear her voice all the time. I want to talk to her all the time. I-i just.. I don't want to confess, only to scare her away and lose her." I spewed my words at them in a fast babble. The feelings inside of me were having none of my calm acting. I finally finished talking and found myself breathless. I looked up at the surprised faces around me, unable to read any of them. The room stayed quiet for longer than I liked, but finally Jin hyungs voice finally broke the silence. "Namjoon, it isn't like you to let a girl make you feel this way. Stop acting like you're powerless. I've never seen you like this before, so it's obvious these feelings are real." he said grinning smugly at me, as though he was satisfied with seeing me so frantic. "But, it is far too soon. Even if y/n does feel the same way, you should have more of a friendship foundation to fall back on if things don't work out. You've been talking to her non stop for the past few days. So she probably doesn't understand just how busy your life is. She needs to see the bad, so she can realize how amazing the good really is. Give it some time Namjoon. Our break ends in a few days, and our lives will go back to normal. If she is still willing to wait even when things get busy and hectic, then tell her." Jins words were wise, and made the churning in my stomach stop. He is totally right. Y/n hasn't had a chance to experience the idol side of me. I would have to keep my feelings a secret for a bit longer for her own good. I thanked Jin hyung for the advice, and the other members for listening. I then told them we were cutting practice short, that we deserved to go to the dorm and relax. I made a call and ordered a feast of fried chicken and sides while we all relaxed. I was laying in bed after dinner thinking about y/n. I had decided i would warn her about what idol life is really like so she isn't left to think I'm ignoring her. I also decided I would drop hints every once in a while about my feelings, so maybe I can get an answer from her before I confess. I felt exhaustion slowly take over. I looked at one of her selcas I saved from Snapchat with a goofy smile on my face, hoping to see her in my dreams. Hearing her voice in my head, I slowly sunk into a well deserved sleep. The next few weeks should be fun.
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