Genre: Fluff building up to Angst Pairing: Jungkook x Taehyung Length: 3,721 Words Warning: Boy x Boy Intimacy Summary: I just wanted him to look at me only Part: 7/? Read Part 1 Here: https://www.vingle.net/posts/1623023-Look-At-Me-Only-Ch-1 Read Part 2 Here: https://www.vingle.net/posts/1634252-Look-At-Me-Only-Ch-2 Read Part 3 Here: https://www.vingle.net/posts/1640589-Look-At-Me-Only-Ch-3 Read Part 4 Here: https://www.vingle.net/posts/1703246-Look-At-Me-Only-Ch-4 Read Part 5 Here: https://www.vingle.net/posts/1720041-Look-At-Me-Only-Ch-5 Read Part 6 Here: https://www.vingle.net/posts/1743783-Look-At-Me-Only-Ch-6 Hey Guys!!! Thanks for coming back! I really truly appreciate all the clips, likes and comments. To know you guys are enjoying the series makes me happy. Comment below what you think will happen in the next chapter, I love to hear what ya thing!! ENJOY!!
For the first time in weeks I slept peacefully, which was weird because I clearly remembered feeling weak and that I was calling out for help but for what? Why cant I remember? Since all the trouble with Jin and Tae I usually woke up in the middle of the night in cold sweat, but tonight was different. I had a dream that felt so real, it almost felt as if I was floating and the weight that pushed down on me so hard was gone. I so felt free, and Jin was there, its been so long since I saw him from that close. I remember reaching out my hand to touch his face, I swear he felt real. Im not sure what his role was in my dream but he was there, although his face was sort of blurry, he looked at me like he used to, how I missed the way he looked at me. I dont remember the rest because thats just how dreams are but I remembered feeling happy. I awoke to the sun beaming on my face which definitely didnt help my hang over. I rolled over to my right placing my pillow over my head and saw the time. I sat up quickly, 2:00 pm!? Shit! I missed school? I-I never missed school. How did I sleep in for that long? Did I not set my alarm loud enough? My head started pounding. Aish-Ouch! I held my head, Ugh forget school I need Advil I rolled over to get on my feet, I need Ad- I stared confused at my dresser noticing a glass of water and 2 caplets next to it. Did I lay this out for myself last night? I laughed quietly, Im so smart- Ouch!! The pounding again, ok, never mind. After taking the Advil I got on my feet and took 2 steps looking around, confused. My room..its clean!? H-how? Everything was just as I had it before. Was all that I was going through been a dream? A long terrible dream? No way because it all felt so real but…It must have been, if my mother walked into my room the way I remember it being she wouldve woke me up immediately complaining. I heard clattering downstairs and opened my room door; the smell of coffee hit me instantly. I smiled and whispered, it was..all a dream, I giggled a little and raised my voice racing down stairs, Omma! I reached the bottom and saw Jin, he turned facing me from the kitchen. His eyes widened a little but then he smiled the type of smile I hadnt seen in forever, the smile he used to smile before things turned bad. Hes here because were still best friends, right? Theres no way hed be here after ignoring me for so long. I ran to him to embrace him. It was definitely all just a dream! As I reached up my hands I saw the blood soaked bandage covering my entire palm. I stopped and stared examining it. Why did I just notice my hand? I remember what happened now, I was angry, I punched the mirror, cause a huge gash across the back of my palm. It was bleeding profusely. I couldnt stop it, I was freaking out, I had a panic attack, I hit the floor unable to move. I called out for help but no was there, I was all alone. So it..It was real?. I stepped back.
Jungkook, your awake. I smiled, happy to see him up, and to finally be alone with him. He reached out his hand, looking as if he were going to hug me and I was ready to embrace him back, but he stopped looking at bandage around his hand, blood still seeping through the bandage. He looked up at me scared whispering. So it..It was real?. He stepped back slowly till staring at the bandage. I had no idea what he was talking about but Im sure he was probably confused about the bandage, Ah right the bandage, you really had me scared last Jungkook..you were bleeding..a lot. He stepped back still whispering to himself, It was all real. He looked confused. His expression changed to a defensive look and he asked, Why are you here? I felt a little offended at the question, before I didnt need a valid reason to be in his house, but today there was a purpose. Jungkook, Im here because I wanted to..apologize. I walked over holding out the coffee for him to grab but he didnt move, he blankly stared at me. I placed it on the counter. We both stood a considerable amount of distance from each other. There was some silence, I started again, Jungkook are you ok? W-what happened last night? I was seriously worried, you were lying in so much blood, I thought you had cut your wrists. He used his other hand to grab the bandage hand but he was still silent. I-I originally came here yesterday night to apologize but when I saw your lifeless body on the floor in a pool of blood I panicked. I was going to call the police but when I saw the empty bottles of alcohol I knew if I called the police you and your parents would be in a lot of trouble, theyd had a bad reputation in the neighborhood and youd probably never get into a good university. I didnt want to do that to you so I tried my best. I pointed at his bandaged hand. He looked at the bandaged again, then back at me but still said nothing. I kept rambling trying to fill the quiet room with noise, And so I carried you to your room….which reminds me, have you been eating lately? Youre extremely lighter than I remembered, here, I turned and pointed the plate of food I prepared for him, You should eat. He looked down and laughed through my nose ignoring my gesture to eat, So you carried me? Guess thats, why it felt like I was floating….So I take it you cleaned my room as well? he said quietly. Ah yea! and the kitchen, the bathroom, the living room and- well you get the point. Silence filled the atmosphere for several seconds. I pulled out a chair and gestured him to come over again, H-here, you should eat- You shouldnt have come! he raised his voice not moving. I was taken back by the tone of his voice but I fired back, ...Well its a good thing that I did, else my best friend would have been gone. He sucked his teeth, Best friend? It fell quiet again and then he laughed hysterically, which made me jump, the way he acted was so different from when I remembered. He was now hard to read. Barely composed he said, Oh? So were now best friends again? So I guess youre the only one allowed to decide whether we stay friends or not? N-no, Jungkook I never said that, what I mean is- he cut me off. Ok! Well then I want a turn! My decision is we end whatever it is he have between us. What? I nervously laughed, J-Jungkook, you dont mean that. What the hell makes you think I dont? Because you need me..Just like how I need y- He busted out laughing hysterically again, I DONT NEED YOU! I stood there silent, stunned by the statement that made my heart ache. He was still laughing a bit Jin, you were right! Throughout our whole Friendship I was using you, you meant nothing to me. I was just waiting for the perfect moment to make my move. He chuckled, And lucky for you you caught on when you did because I was so close to making my move. I had no idea why he was acting like this, Jungkook, stop. I know you dont mean that, this isnt you please- This isnt me!? Jin, you dont know me, our whole friendship was a lie. The person I was before was a lie. THIS IS WHO I AM! Jungkook, listen I know the way I treated you wasnt fair, I can understand how I acted made you feel and turned you into this person you are now but Im so sor- Jin you really think that highly of yourself huh? You think the way YOU acted had an effect on ME!? NO! You couldnt be more wrong. Jungkook, dont be like this. Im really trying to make amends because youre someone I need in my life, these past couple of days have been torture for me. Youre my best friend and I want it to stay that way. Jin, you need to go, he turned his head away from. What? No, Jungkook please I came here to explain everything, I waited for him to look at me but he never did, I grew frustrated, JUNGKOOK! JIN, DONT YOU UNDERSTAND I DONT NEED YOU TO EXPLAIN ANYTHING TO ME, He composed himself and looked me in the eyes, Theres nothing for you to explain, cant you see how well Im doing? What makes you think I need you at my side constantly? I dont need you to take care of me. Jungkgook continued to ramble on and as he did I felt extreme guilt, I know he can take care of himself, I know he doesnt constantly need me by his side but what triggered this self-independency wasnt anything good, it was my selfish actions and its causing him harm. Im angry that this self-inflicted hurt wasnt something I could have saved him from since Im the one who triggered it and even if I tried to help him he wants nothing to do with me. I hated myself, I hated that I allowed something like this get the best of my emotions, I allowed someone else to dictate how I should act. I cut Jungkook off and didnt even bother to understand him. The way he was treating me right now was exactly how I treated him, I deserved this but I cant let this continue to go down the wrong path. I dropped to my knees with a loud thud, bowing my head to the floor, Jungkooks rambling stopped. Please Jungkook I just need you to listen, I sincerely regret everything I- I heard footsteps headed towards me and I grew slightly happy because I thought Jungkook was finally going to listen to me and everything was going to be alright. The sound of his footsteps pass me by, I picked up my head in confusion. My eyes began searching for Jungkook as he was no longer in front of me. I saw he was behind me standing by the front door, he opened it and defeat fell on my face. Jin, My decision is final. I want nothing to do with you. Leave! I couldnt believe my eyes or ears, never in a million years would I have thought Jungkook would treat me this way but then again Im sure Jungkook felt the same way about me when I treated him so bad. I got up, and started walking towards the door, there was no use, I really had fucked this up. As I silently made my way to the door I examined Jungkook. His clothes and hair were disheveled from the night before and from sleeping in all day today, the bandage on his hand was now a dark brown and should be changed. His face was completely bare, it was slightly red and puffy and I could sense he was crying the night before as there were faded tear streaks on his cheeks. His eyes were slightly red and puffy as well but also dark and cold, looking at them made my heart ache. He was a mess no matter how much he claimed he wasnt. I stopped right before the door and stood in front of him, we made eye contact. I stared hard desperately looking for the old Jungkook, the Jungkook I knew and cared so much about but I found nothing. The way I stared at him had not effect on him at all his eyes were cold. I couldnt take it, what could I do so that hed allow me back into his life? I couldnt just leave and give up, this idea popped in my head, it was a crazy one but I was so desperate Id try anything just to have the old Jungkook back in my life. I quickly pushed the door shut and it made a loud bang, Jungkook was angry at my action and was going to scream at me again but before he did I grabbed his face with my hand, pushing him back towards the wall and forced my lips onto his. My eyes stood open looking into his eyes which were widened with complete shock. The longer I stood the more I could see the old Jungkook come back. I saw the innocent, timid and fragile Jungkook come back. He pushed back on me hard but not hard enough to make me take more than a step back. As quickly as the old Jungkook came he was gone, but she was still in shock. Wah.. He took several deep breathes, Jin, what the hell!? He covered his mouth with the back of his palm and found it hard to look me in the eyes. Im just giving you what you want Jungkook, I said. This- I-I never said, He still didnt look me in the eyes and tried walking away but I placed my hand on the wall stopping him. I leaned into his face forcing him to look at me, You dont want me as a friend, fine! But I know what you always wanted from me and Im giving it to you. He pushed my arm down, No Jin, this.. He looked down pausing for a couple of seconds, I dont want this, I-I dont know, I-I need you to go.. What? Even with my actions just now he still wants me gone? The hell I am! I pushed his shoulder back causing him to hit the wall again and forced my lips on him once again. His mouth broke free from mine for a quick second JIN, PLEase- I continued. His whole body stiffened up as his eyes shut tight. Why!? Why was it even though Im giving him what he wanted for so long he still wouldnt accept my apology or me? What more did he want from me. He pushed back again this time having nothing to say, he didnt even look me in the eyes, he turned his head to the side with his arms stretched out in front of him. His face was flustered and the red went all the way down his neck. I removed his hands easily pinning them above his head. His eyes remained closed, it was almost as if hes given up, did he want me to keep going? Jungkook, you cant tell me this isnt what you want, look how red you are. I traced my hand from his ears down to his neck. I grabbed his face and quickly turned it so he was facing me, the expression on his was anger mixed with worry, I kissed him again.
Jins lips were now on mine yet again even after I told him no. He tells me Im red all the way down to my neck but I didnt need him to tell me that because from the moment he kissed me I felt it instantly. I was embarrassed by how flustered I was. I told him no but then why do I look like this. My arms were now pinned above my head, which was unnecessary, I wasnt fighting anymore. He kissed me deeper and I winced at how his tongue played with mine. No, no, this doesnt feel right, but why? For so long…for so long I wanted Jin to do this but I feel…repulsed by his kiss, why? He started kissing me on my neck and it reminded me of when Tae would kiss me. I quickly said, No! He stopped and looked up whispering, What? I thought you wanted this. I-I… Did I want this? He didnt wait for me to answer confidently and continued. I winced at his kisses. This is something Ive wanted from him but it doesnt feel right, other than the fact that I know hes forcing himself to do this it doesnt feel right because hes not the one I……love. I dont..love him anymore..not like the way I loved Taehyung. I-I love Tae, I belong to Tae, I want to be Taes, I only want to look at Tae! This realization brought the fight back into my body. I calmly said, Stop. He continued. I repeated myself, Stop. He didnt listen, he continued but faster. I struggle to pry him from me, JIN! I said..stOP! His grip on me was released and he stood 2 steps away. He looked stunned What?..Isnt this what you- Jin this..this isnt right. He looked embarrassed. I felt a little bad for him. He had gone down such a desperate road I tried to empathize with him. Its just, you have no idea how long Ive dreamt the kiss between us, but this was nothing like how I imagined it, I imagined it to be filled with warmth and love but I felt none of that. The only thing that ran through my head was..well….Tae. Tae? Taehyung? What!? I-I thought- He put his hands to his mouth and looked away like he was thinking. Aish! Jin..I dont love you..not like the way I love Tae and- Jin didnt stay a second longer, He ran out the door slamming it making me jump. All of a sudden without warning my knees gave in and I collapsed. I held my chest which was pounding and kept repeating to myself, Tae..I love you…I love you.. I smiled to myself. That night I changed my routine, I didnt drink, I didnt make a mess of the house and actually had a proper meal, the food Jin had prepared for me earlier in the day. I went to sleep at a decent time and woke up in time for school. In the morning I unwrapped the bandaged that Jin had wrapped around my cut. After taking the wrapping off there were soaked Band-Aids under the wrap that covered the cut, there were about 9 Band-Aids all together, I laughed at how he aided me, maybe I was too hard on him. I examine the cut that went down from in between my knuckles down the back of my palm almost reaching my wrist. Since yesterday Jins actions played in my mind and I was still a little in shock. But now that I really thought about it I should be thanking him. His actions helped me realized the true feelings I was scared to face for Taehyung. The realization filled me with warmth and I was excited and was ready to face Tae, it was about time I made the move instead of relying on him. I left my house confident and ready to make the changes needed. I reached school and didnt wait for first period to see Tae, I found him surrounded by those same girls from the other day, no surprise. I hated the way he was showing off that sweet smile to someone else other than me, was I crazy for thinking that? There was no time to be acting jealous and letting that dictate my actions. The goal today was to make amends and tell him my true feelings. Buuuut it would be pretty embarrassing to say all this in front of random people. I tried to keep my eyes on him for a chance to get him alone but either he was surrounded or he was nowhere in sight. During lunch I didnt see him in the lunch room so I went searching in the hallway. I ended up climbing several levels searching for him. I reached the last floor, it was basically deserted. As I was about to give up I heard laughter from around the corner, so this floor wasnt as deserted as I thought. I curiously turned the corner and froze when I saw Namjoon, Yoongi and Hobi circled around a cell phone where they were watching something. They all turned to me fast and Hobi jumped up, Well looky looky, I ran. Oh no you dont! I heard Hobi scream and heard his footsteps get louder behind me. He grabbed my collar yanking it back forcing me to fall, I grunted in pain. I held on to the front of my collar as the force he was applying in the back of it was choking me. I tried to struggle back onto my feet, Namjoon and Yoongi stepped in front of me. Yoongi used his foot to apply pressure on my chest forcing me to stay down. I looked up terrified; there was no one but us around. I put my hands up to defend myself but also pleaded, Im sorry! I-I didnt know this was your territory I was just looking around..Ill leave right away, Im sorry. Yoongi scoffed, Oh now hes sorry. What happen to that tough front you put on the other day? I continued to plead, I-Im sory I dont know what came over me that day. Hobi put his lips close to my ear, Yknow weve been looking for ya. He laughed. They were looking for me? W-why? Namjoon pulled out his phone and started dialing, after a couple of rings I heard a muffled voice in the other end then Namjoon said, Yea, we got him. I was so confused; he hung up and pointed at Yoongi then to me fast as he put his phone away. Yoongi smirked as he bent down to my level, his smirk changed to a genuine sweet smile it terrified me. Yoongi threw his fist fast into my gut causing me to scream out in pain, Yoongis smile was the last thing I remembered before blacking out.
Sorry, I ended this CH with a cliff hanger again lol stay tuned for CH 8
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HOPE YOU ALL ENJOYED, CHAPTER 7 COMING SOON 🎉(DO NOT TAKE CREDIT OR POST ANYWHERE ELSE!!!)