Who: Reader x Kim Junmyeon

What: Angst, Romance, Smut

Story: You're just two trauma filled people trying to live normal lives... but trauma is a bitch

Junmyeon's POV

Y/N came over to work on their project again. Two long weeks had passed since he had told her about his past. The flashbacks in his dreams didn't stop but now mixed with seeing her in them. When they spoke at the cemetery, he had felt something he was unaware of. Almost like he was afraid to break her as he touched her but he had a desire to protect her. He understood what Minseok meant when he said she was fragile but he knew why no one would ever guess that. She acted as though nothing had gone on the past two weeks. Everything was normal with them, the same way he had gone on with his life, medication aside, he was normal. From the outside, no one would know the two of them had experienced the worst trauma imaginable.

He found himself staring at her while she was in his room. She no longer had an aversion to sitting on his bed. She was laying across it with her laptop open, she was scrolling through some webpage and she had a psychology book open beside her. Their project was more detailed now, probably too detailed considering they only had about six minutes to present all their facts. She was working on the written paper part of it. He helped with the research but he felt like her part was still the biggest of the whole project. She volunteered for it, saying it was her strong suit. He wondered what else was her strong suit.

He was curious about her now and his curiosity was being starved by her. Since he'd talked to her about everything going on with her father, she seemed to want to keep him at arms length. It was like she wanted to go back to her everyday normal life and that scared him. He just knew that meant if she was trying to assume her normal life that also meant letting her father get close again because to her that was normal. He had already heard her make up excuses to keep him around. Junmyeon could understand that she didn't want to be alone but she wasn't alone. She had her friends, she had Minseok why would she want to keep allowing that man, who called her pathetic, worthless, a bitch, to continue being in her life?

Just because they were blood didn't mean he wouldn't hurt her.

He knew that first hand and now she knew it. What was she so desperately clinging onto? Junmyeon had been staring at her for so long that Y/N could feel it because she looked up at him curiously. She offered a little smile, though it was a bit bashful.

"What?" She asked.

"What?"

She chuckled light heartedly,

"You've got a look on your face," she said.

"What look?"

She sat up while covering her pen with its cap. She crossed her legs and said,

"Like you want to say something but you don't want to say it...or can't."

He stared at her for a moment and then looked away. He didn't really know what he wanted to say. There were things he wanted to ask her like was she okay, did she talk to her father, was she going to stop seeing him? He didn't ask her any of those things. He just sighed and stood up,

"I'm going to get a beer, you want one?"

"No I'm good. I probably shouldn't be drinking while I'm constructing an argument," she laughed.

He smiled at her politely and walked out to the kitchen. Something about being around her was bugging him. It was that feeling he always got when he was around her though, this need to be on her nerves just so he would be the center of her attention. He took a sip of the beer he pulled out of the fridge while he recalled the gigantic smile she gave Siwon when she saw him. They must've been close for her to be so happy to see him. Was she ever happy to see him, Junmyeon wondered?

Does she even like me? He thought.

Maybe that was a dangerous thought. He wasn't even sure where it came from. Maybe it had something to do with the day at the cemetery, when he touched her face. He saw her crying for him not just for herself. It touched him in some way he couldn't explain. He felt closer to her for a moment but now that she had pulled back he was a little frustrated by it, especially if that meant she was going to give her father another chance.

He was lost in thought as he was leaving the kitchen, he didn't hear Y/N approaching. He bumped into her by accident and his beer spilt on her shirt and exploded onto the ground when he dropped it. She gasped when the beer splashed on her pants as well. She pinched the dry parts of her shirt and pulled it from her skin.

"Shit, I'm so sorry Y/N I didn't see you there." He said.

"It's alright, I should've been louder I guess."

Junmyeon grabbed a napkin and hurried to pat her shirt down until he realized he was patting along her breasts. He stopped and laughed awkwardly and handed her the napkin,

"Maybe I better let you do that."

"Yeah. Thanks."

Junmyeon scrambled to get his beer cleaned up as Y/N made her way into the living room and took a seat. She slipped off her socks that had gotten wet as well and sat with them in her hand. She turned the TV on, now giving the room some noise. He finished cleaning up and walked over,

"Glad to know you're so comfortable here you can just turn the TV on." He chuckled.

Staring at the TV, fliping through channels she said,

"I thought you said you'd stop teasing me."

"I wasn't teasing," he sat down. "I'm just making an observation."

She had turned on a drama to start watching. She must've hit a dead end in her project, that or they really had been working on it for too long. They had been working for at least two and a half hours straight. The time went by so fast, it probably didn't seem like they had spent that much time working until he got up. Junmyeon had retrieved a new beer and sipped on it while watching the drama with her. His arm instinctively relaxed on the back of the couch. He noticed she shifted in her seat for a moment, almost like she was avoiding him. He set his beer down on the table and said,

"Y/N why are you doing that to me?"

"Doing what?" She asked, still watching TV almost as if not taking him seriously.

Or maybe she wanted to avoid eye contact with him.

"Why are you avoiding me?"

"Who's avoiding? I've been here doing a project with you and now I'm watching TV with you, how is that avoiding?"

She tugged at the bottom of her shirt raising the wet part off of her body. He still felt bad about that even though he never heard her coming. She was as sneaky as her cat.

"You don't talk to me much" he said.

"It's not like we've talked much to each other before. What conversation we did have involved insults being passed around like a bong at a frat party."

He chuckled at the reference, it seemed out dated but she was right. He wanted to talk to her now. The main thing that was on his mine was, is she alright but he didn't want to ask it. He was afraid if he did, he might upset her. She was staring at the TV the entire time she spoke with him though, and that was annoying him. He grabbed the remote and shut the TV off, which finally gave him her attention.

"What?" She said.

"Can't you at least respect me enough to look at me when we talk?"

"I'm looking at you now."

"Are you that annoyed that I got you wet?"

"Excuse me?" she said, her eyebrows raised.

Junmyeon rolled his eyes,

"You know what I mean...Unless?"

He added suggestion in his voice with the last bit even though he knew he didn't do anything to her to turn her on. At least, he didn't think he did. She smiled though, finally seeming to relax the tension he was feeling and said,

"No, I know what you meant I was just messing with you. I'm not annoyed with you Junmyeon. I think you're just reading into things."

"I don't think so. You've always been different towards me, ever since we met. You seem so loving with others, so why do I get the feeling that you're always trying to shun me?"

She faced him more and took in a breath before she said,

"I think the bigger question is, why do you feel the need to be liked by everyone? Or more specifically, me?"

It was a good question. He had never felt himself to be a narcissist but as she asked that it took him back to how he felt when she was speaking to Siwon. He wanted her to look at him the same way for some reason. Something was churning in his gut that he didn't understand. For some reason, he wanted to be wanted by her. He couldn't pin point where this feeling was stemming from. He wondered if it had always been there. He looked deep into her honey crisp rounded eyes. Some how they looked doe like to him as she stared back. She looked innocent, he started wondering did her mother drive her father crazy with that look. Were those eyes the reason he had fallen in love with her?

In love?

Was that what he was feeling?

There was no way, the feeling of love wasn't that foreign to him. He loved his grandparents but falling in love was much different and definitely uncharted territory for him. He liked the way she looked, he always had even if he never told her. He was drawn to her when he fist saw her in the apartment talking to Minseok. It had more to do with how cheery she was. That's what made him want to join in on the conversation in the first place. By the time he gathered himself together to sit down by her the mood between them had already changed. He was annoyed that she didn't resume that same demeanor when he sat down though, even as Minseok changed the subject. He supposed he always did tease her because sometimes there was something he said that made her laugh at him. He never noticed how that made him feel though.

No, he couldn't be falling in love with her. Yet, his chest felt a little tight as he stared back at her. He had gotten so deep in his head that he cleared his throat and stood up quickly.

"Let me get you one of my t-shirts. Looks like you don't like wet clothes." He said.

It was his excuse to get away from her for a moment. He took his time getting the shirt too. There was a knock on the door just as he was coming back out of his room. He handed her the shirt and went to answer it. He was surprised to find both his grandparents standing at the door. His grandmother opened her arms wide,

"Hello Myeonie!" She said.

She wore a giant smile and gave him a big hug. He was so glad to see them too.

"Hey grandma Ji Ji. Hi gramps, why didn't you guys tell me you were coming?" He said.

He stepped aside to let them in and then walked with him deeper into the house.

"We were out and around here so we thought we would surprise you. We're glad your home." His grandmother said.

"Yeah, I got some hours on my shift cut back so I could work on this school project-"

"Oh are we interrupting your work?" His grandmother asked.

"No not at all. Actually, I just took a break. Anyway, I'm always happy to see you guys." He said.

"That's good. Have you eaten?" His gramps said.

"Uh no, not yet. Do you want to go out to-"

"Oh! You have company." Y/n said.

Junmyeon turned around to see she had come out wearing his white t-shirt. He was actually happy that his grandparents wouldn't be able to tell one way or another that it was his. His grandfather wasn't a subtle person and he would've assumed they were doing something they weren't.

"Oh Y/N, these are my grandparents from my mother's side. This is my grandmother Lee Jimin. I call her Ji Ji." Junmyeon said.

"Which you're welcome to call me as well." Grandma Ji Ji said with a smile.

Y/N smiled big, that smile that she'd given Siwon and so many others. What was it about him that he wasn't getting that same reaction. It was annoying that he was the only one that seemed to notice it. Did she even know she was doing it? Even if she didn't, what did that have to say about the way she felt about him? Was he really that annoying to her? He did have a habit of being cruel to her though, perhaps it would take more time for her to adjust.

Y/N had bowed to his grandmother and said,

"It's very nice to meet you."

Junmyeon continued with the introduction,

"And this is my gramps, Lee Junwon."

"Nice to meet you as well Lee-nim." She said.

She offered another bow with the same pretty smile.

Pretty?

It was a pretty smile. He might've gone as far as to say beautiful but only in his head. When did he start thinking these things, he could only wonder.

"Yah, why are you so formal to them but not me?" He whined.

She chuckled which was a far more light hearted mood than before.

"Hey, we were going to go out to get something to eat, did you want to join us?" He asked.

"Oh no that's okay it's your family time I wouldn't want to intrude."

"Oh nonsense child, we'd love to have you join us. Any friend of Junmyeon is welcome." Ji ji said.

Y/N smiled politely and said,

"Alright. Junmyeon do you mind if I leave my stuff here though?"

"Sure, no one will go in my room."

She grinned at him like she had a joke to say but stopped herself because of present company. They all left the flat and jumped into his grandparents car. Grandmother Ji Ji was talking about somethings she remembered about Junmyeon while he was a child which made Y/N laugh. He was embarrassed that she was giving away such secrets and giving Y/N ammo to use on him later. His grandparents had lots of questions regarding Y/N like how they met and what she did in school. He had no idea that she worked a late shift at bar as a bartender but he never asked. He found out she was looking to start a non profit organization for abused children. Her aspiration was to give them housing while allowing siblings to stay together rather than be separated by the foster system. She wanted to make sure that even if they weren't adopted by family members or couldn't be taken in by other family members that they had a stable home and were taught well.

She admitted she was stilling planning out all she wanted to do but she was happy that her business degree was helping with all of that. Junmyeon's goals weren't nearly as noble as hers were. He wanted to be able to own a business, any business that would allow him to take care of his grandparents and live life happily. He didn't really consider others in his plans. He just wanted to be something other than the little boy that lost his parents in such a tragic way.

On the way to the restaurant, Junmyeon heard Y/N laugh and talk as if she'd known his grandparents for years. It was still annoying to him that she was so much more relaxed with everyone else than she was with him. She did seem to warm up a little around him though. She didn't mind sitting next to him in the restaurant and she smiled at him as she spoke to the table. She smiled at him the way he wanted her to smile at him. He was startled again by the way it felt to see her smile back at him. The way she looked when she was happy was drastically different from when she was terrified. He felt like if he had the ability to keep her this happy in life he would; he'd do it every opportunity he could. If he could make her smile permanent, he would.

She caught him staring again, he didn't realize he was. He didn't even notice that his grandfather got up to use the restroom. She looked at him giggling from something his grandmother said,

"What?" She asked.

Her large grin and rounded eyes were alluring, like a innocent babydoll. Those eyes had to have drove her father wild, if she looked just like her mother, he understood why he lost himself when she walked out on them. Though, he didn't know what type of woman her mother was, he was seeing what a gentle soul she was and despite being fragile, she was captivating enough to lose himself. Her skin was soft, he remembered holding her cheeks when she was crying, her cheeks had become a little rosey as he held her face but she was soft. Her cheeks were puffy, squishy. Just as he remembered that touch, he smiled at her.

"What?" She asked again.

"Nothing," he said.

He was almost bashful as he looked away. He cleared his throat and made a B line to the restroom after excusing himself. He could only imagine what his grandmother might say to her but right now he needed advice from the one person in the world he trusted more than anything.

Junmyeon entered the bathroom seeing his grandfather washing his hands.

"Gramps, I need to talk to you." He said.

"In here?" He chuckled.

"Yeah, it'll only take a second though."

"Alright son, what is it?"

"How did you know- when you were in love with grandmother I mean?"

"Well that's hard to say,"

His grandfather thought for a moment as if searching through his history records of that very day. The moment he fell in love. Junmyeon wasn't sure that's what it was but he was feeling something strongly towards her and he was doing everything he could not to kiss her. He had never resisted such an urge but he didn't want to risk scaring her off either, not after she had finally smiled at him the way he so desperately wanted her too.

"I suppose I knew I loved her when I realized I didn't want to live without her."

Junmyeon looked at him confused. His grandfather laughed and placed a hand on his shoulder.

"It was more than that, I didn't want to live without her actually. I just couldn't live without her. Her most annoying traits had become features about her that excited me the most. She made me feel alive when I was around her. She still does." He said.

Junmyeon looked down discouraged. He didn't feel any of that for Y/N. Not at the moment at least, he felt protective of her though. He didn't want anyone to harm her, not even her father. Still, there was a throbbing in his chest even as he thought about her. His grandfather sensed that he didn't give him the answer he was hoping for and patted his back,

"Don't worry son, when you know you'll know. Just try asking her out on a date." He said.

Junmyeon looked at his grandfather suspiciously and his grandfather smiled back. If anyone could pick up how he was feeling and who he was feeling it for, it would be his gramps. He smiled back and they walked out of the bathroom together. There was someone who had stopped by the table and Y/N's face was lit up as she was talking to him. It wasn't the Siwon guy that he had seen before. She was very interested in what he had to say though and she was laughing so hard she covered her mouth. When they made it over to the table, Y/N looked at him and said,

"Junmyeon this is Ryeowook. Wookie this is my project partner. He's also Minseok's roommate."

"Oh, hi! Nice to meet you." He said.

Junmyeon bowed politely,

"Nice to meet you too."

Y/N popped out of her seat and let Junmyeon scoot inside so she could finish talking to Ryeowook. He felt like he was invisible at the moment. It was starting to crush him a little.

"Uh, listen I better go before Heechul gets back." Ryewook said a little weary.

She crossed her arms and sounded intrigued,

"Oh he's here?"

"Yeah, I don't want to make you uncomfortable though."

"I wouldn't be. We broke up four months ago I'm over it. Besides, I've missed you two so much, my cutie Wookie!"

She sounded cute as she pinched Ryeowook's cheeks. She was friends with her ex's friends? That was odd to him. That also meant that her and Siwon weren't actually an item, old or current. Minseok did tell him she went through a break up. Her friend seemed to blush as she teased him cutely but they also seemed like they were as close as Siwon and her used to be. It was a secret Junmyeon wanted to discover; how does he get close to her? At this point, he seemed obsessed with the idea of getting Y/N's attention he just wasn't sure if it was because it was directed else where, if it was because they experienced a similar past or if it was because he was developing feelings for her. He started wishing he had spent time alone with her.

"Oh, here he comes. I better get going."

"See yah, tell Siwon to stop by any time okay? Lady misses him." She beamed.

Her friend laughed and waved goodbye to her before heading to her ex. Y/N took her seat by Junmyeon again and resumed speaking with his grandparents. Junmyeon wanted to get a better look at the guy that she used to date. He looked over her shoulder, he looked a few years older than both of them. Her ex had turned back to see Junmyeon staring at him. Junmyeon felt territorial for a moment. There was a look in her ex's eye that he didn't like, it was almost the same kind of look he saw in her father's eye when he arrived at her front door. That look made him sick. Junmyeon's arm wrapped around the back of her seat like he was marking his territory and telling her ex to stay away.

"Isn't that right Junmyeon? " his grandmother chuckled.

Junmyeon looked back at her a little surprised,

"Huh?"

"We were talking about favorite foods. Yours is japchae right? " she said.

"Oh, yeah. Actually, Y/N made some for dinner one night. It was the best japchae I ever tasted."

"Really, we'll have to try it someday." His gramps said.

Y/N's smile beamed like a ray of sunshine. It was like she was so proud that someone wanted to taste her cooking.

"I'd love to have you all over one night to try it!" She said.

"We can arrange a date right?" Junmyeon asked.

"Of course!"

"Oh darling, you must let me bring dessert then." Grandma Ji ji said.

"She actually makes the best moon pies in all of Seoul." Junmyeon confirmed.

"Sounds like a dinner plan to me. Let me know whenever you're free we can set up a night."

Junmyeon actually liked how well his grandparents took to Y/N. He took to her well too. He was definitely feeling a much different way about her now than he had before.

After they had finished eating, Junmyeon's grandparents dropped them back off at his flat and Y/N came inside with him to get her things. Minseok had classes earlier that day and work that night so it was obvious he wouldn't be home but neither one of them knew what Jongin was up too. Y/N was gathering all her stuff together when Junmyeon thought he might take a moment to really test what he was feeling.

"So how did you like going out with my grandparents?" He asked.

"Oh I really like them. I was seriously about the dinner night too. If you all ever want to drop by, just give me a heads up about it. I'd love to have them over."

"You seem to be cheerier than before."

She nodded with a huge smile.

"That's the first time I've ever been around someone's family and felt so welcome. Today was like- being in a dream. Like I got to experience what I always wanted to experience when I was little....It was like I was with family,"

"My grandparents tend to have that affect on people." he said.

She hummed as if day dreaming about being around them again.

"Were they the only ones you liked being around today?" He asked stepping up to her.

"Hm? What do you mean?"

He came closer and his voice lowered almost to a whisper as he gazed into her eyes.

"I mean did you enjoy being out with me?"

"Yeah, you're more interesting than I gave you credit for." She chuckled.

"So let me ask you this," he cupped her cheek again, like he did the day at the cemetery, "does being with me make you feel anything?"

Her eyes widened a little, they looked doey that way. Wide, surprised and glittering. She was still like she was just now recognizing how close he was to her. She took in a shaky breath but he couldn't tell if that meant she was turned on or scared.

"Like what?" She whispered.

"Like how I feel?"

He dipped his head down hovering over her lips.

"How do you feel?"

"Like I want to kiss you...Can I?"

The question must've taken her by surprise. She swallowed and her lips parted again with labored breath like her heartbeat started to run away from her. He teased like he'd kiss her hoping to coax an answer out of her. He deeply wanted her to say yes, even if it was in a whisper. His body was aching, he felt excitement rush through him with anticipation. He never asked to kiss, he usually surprised the girl or he just knew it would be okay but with her he couldn't take any chances. He needed to know if this was okay. Everything inside him was hoping it was okay.

"Yes." She whispered faintly.

Junmyeon smiled, even though he wanted to crash his lips into hers and kiss her so hard he could draw out his soul, he didn't. He lowered his lips to hers and tasted them for the first time, small but soft. She breathed in like she was scared but their lips molded together and Junmyeon's hand felt the softness of her cheek. Their warm wet tongues caressed each other and Junmyeon's heart pounded in his chest. He felt heat rise through his body and that feeling he felt in the restaurant returned again. He wanted her. He wanted her so bad he wanted to scoop her up and take her without asking but he forced himself to be patient, to enjoy the taste of her on his lips like a savory candy. He kissed her long and took his time before pulling away as if he would never get this chance again.

He was hoping to get this chance again.

It felt like his heart was in his throat as he reluctantly broke the kiss. He looked into her eyes, her pupils now blown up which made him stir below. She looked hypnotized like he caught her under a spell.

"Don't hurt me," She whispered. "I don't think I can survive being hurt again." She said.

"Believe me, hurting you isn't anywhere in my plans."

"What is?"

He smiled, lifted her chin and brought his lips to her ear.

"Will you let me have you tonight?"

He pulled away to look at her face, she looked stunned he even asked her. She looked like she was conflicted between her body wanting to say yes and her mind saying no. She looked scared but she also looked like she wanted to allow it to happen. She looked uncertain. She must've been questioning him in her mind.

"Will you be gentle?" she whispered.

He smiled and brushed hair behind her ear,

"Of course."

She looked like she was still thinking her decision through before she looked back at him and said,

"Okay."

He was ecstatic she agreed. He pulled her close to his body, and kissed her down to the bed. Would sleeping with her fulfill this aching in his heart, he wondered, or would it throb even more to know her?

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