Who: Reader x Lee Seonghwa
What: Angst, Smut (eventually) some fluff.
Story: Social anxiety is the worst thing to deal with. It's amazing you have friends at all but when your crush and friend, Seonghwa, tries to get closer to you your Anxiety and trust issues threaten to push him away.
Your eyes are on me, you're watching me. I love you twice as much and the pain is three times as worse. Before it was about being a burden to you. Now it seems losing you is more painful.. Was she right? Are you tired yet?
DAYS WITHOUT ATTACK
The numbers were adding up and that made you happier. This medication was dulling you down. You were present but you felt amost nothing and that was worse than feeling anixety. The day Seonghwa punched Myung Joon he took you home and asked what you two talked about. You were silent, you were hurting him and that was hurting you.
"I have a gift for you." he said laying next to you in bed.
You looked at him blankly. He pulled out two tickets and you looked at him confused.
"It's a cruise get away for the weekend. They won't go far we'll be back before Sunday night." he said.
"That sounds cute." you said.
"I'll help you pack." he said before he kissed you.
That's how you ended up on this little crusie ship. Day two went better than the first day. Your medication had you so out of it that everything he did to help you have fun just seemed like it took too much energy. This was killing you. He was trying to make you feel better and you just didn't feel at all. You decided not to take your medication today and you felt a little more normal but your normal anxiety issuses still existed. People tried to come over and talk to you two and you shut down immediately. You were a little more in control of how your attacks tried to come on but instead of standing next to him and embarrasing him in front of people you would walk away and deal with it. Today you were on deck having lunch. Your hair was down and in fresh beach waves. You wore a white sundress that made you look stunning. Seonghwa was in all white and he wore brown sandals. His calves were showing too, he was wearing shorts instead of pants today. The breeze was warm today and you were feeling happy to be with him.
He's trying awfully hard to get you to smile.He's trying awfully hard to get you to smile.
Take your medication then; send me back to sleep.Take your medication then; send me back to sleep.
Why are you trying to ruin this?
Why are you trying to ruin him? You're the only one being selfish Y/N?Why are you trying to ruin him? You're the only one being selfish Y/N?
"For wanting to be happy? you whispered angry.
"Y/n." he said.
You looked up at him with raised eyebrows.
"You're not okay are you?" he asked you.
"I'm just thinking too much." you said.
"Y/n we're here to relax." he said.
You looked at your food and grabbed the wine that your waiter gave you. You started to sip it but minute by awkward minute you began to drink it in bigger gulps. You two ate in uncomfortable silence and the waiter refilled your glass.
"No more after that, thank you." Seonghwa said.
The waiter nodded and left. You felt your body warm and you giggled.
"Whoa I feel a little different." you said.
"Y/n you're drunk."
"No, no I'm not drunk. She's finally stopped talking." you whipsered.
"Who?" he asked.
"Anxiety, she woke up for a minute, she's gone now."
"Is that who you're talking to when you whisper?"
You nodded happily. You stood up and walked over to the side of the boat. Seonghwa hurried to your side. He wrapped his arms around you from behind and held you close and firm. You stared out at the water, the vast emptiness that somehow seemed freeing. Alluring.
"In mythology, Sirens sang to male sailors to lure them into the water to drown them to death." you said.
He kissed the top of your head.
"I think my anxiety is a siren to me. She keeps telling me I'm unwanted and unloved. I'm a burden to everyone. Those that say they care are lying out of convience."
"That's not true." he said.
"It is. I was bullied in school because I was a foreigner. They used to call me half blood. Girls hated me, guys hated me too. I was alone, just me and my mom. Highschool was rough to go through they thought I was a bitch for not talking to anyone. I guess they just failed to understand that I was shy, I was scared. I'm always scared... I'm scared to keep getting hurt and- I'm more afraid to live than I am to die." you said softly.
You turned around to face Seonghwa. His hands slipped down to your lower back and yours rested on his chest. You looked him back in the eyes. He looked ready to break down.
"I've tired, that's where the scars started. It escalated, my mother was heart broken when she found out. I was in middle school when I was rushed to the hospital for swallowing pills. I thought about hanging, shooting, drowing anything for escape but I can never follow through. It won't stick. I have something keeping me from dying and I don't know to be grateful or pissed." you said,
"Don't try to leave me Y/N. I would feel so broken without you."
"You may break with me too."
"I love you." he declared.
"I know, I love you too." you gave him a sad smile.
He gently captured your chin and kissed you.
"My mother and father had an affair. She slept with a married man and got pregnant. At first she didn't know he was married but after she found out she was pregnant he bailed on her. She would never tell me his name or who he was. I think she didn't want me to know he rejected me. I was sixteen when I took a cab to his house. He answered the door, this tall, handsome older gentlemen answers it and I go ' are you Kim Bo Gum.' he nods. He had a charming smile and I say, 'I think I'm your daughter Y/F/N.' He recognizes the last name, the fact that I look like her, his expression turned so hard and dark so quickly I felt my heart stop. My hands trembled and he told me to get off his property. His kids are in the back a boy and a girl. They're staring at me in disgust so he steps out and closes the door and my mind finally processes that they were my half siblings. My father looks me dead in the eyes and says I never should've been born in the first place."
"Y/n." Seonghwa said hurt.
"No wait cause it gets better. He told me after all these years of seeing her she said that she got rid of me. He says, 'you are no daughter of mine' and I just go, 'why don't you want me? Why don't you love me?" the memories stung your eyes.
Tears welled up and spilled over. Your face turned into a waterfall of held in pain. He held your face in his hands and you wiped the tears away.
"My very own father looked me in the eyes and told me my mother should've killed me while I was still in the womb. He told me to leave and never come back. So I did I experienced betrayal in the worst way Seonghwa. My own mother knew how he felt about me and she kept seeing him. I'm the child of an affair, unwanted and belong to no one. When she found out I met him, she didn't care how he broke my heart she turned it on me and said I betrayed her. So I left, sixteen years old I walked out the house and didn't go back. I got into a relationship with Myung Joon just looking for someone to love me and I was betrayed to and lied to. I'm everyone's punching bag. I just got sick of it after a while. I gave into my fears and pain and now I'm just subjecting everyone around me to the same thing." you said.
"No you're not." he said.
"Seonghwa you're exhausted from taking care of me and I can see it. I told you I was drowning and you said you weren't going to let me sink but honestly you won't have a choice."
"I can hold onto you and keep my head above water. I'll never stop trying to save you."
"You should. I love you Seonghwa but I don't think there's anything to save. I'm everyone's mistake. I live with that, I'll die with it too." you said.
He inhaled and brought his hands up to your face. His lips touched yours softly, intimately like his was trying to give you a gift but he was going to make you come get it. His fingers raked through your hair, you could feel his fingertips on your scalp almost massaging it. You stepped up to him bringing your hands to his shirt. You gripped onto him and he tugged your hair a little to pull your head back. He kissed you a little deeper and a moan slipped from your lips. He brought his lips to your exposed neck and kissed softly on the tender flesh down to your collarbone.
"I'm going to show you you're not a mistake. You're the greatest thing that's ever happened to me." he whispered in your ear.
He grabbed your hand and threw some money on the table, he left him a huge tip too. He pulled you back inside and headed for your small room. He closed the door behind him and captured you in his arms again. He kissed you like he needed you in his system and he quickly took you down to the bed. His hand slithered down your still clothed body and he reached the bottom of your dress. He grabbed your leg and lifted it up aggressively which made you gasp from the sudden action. He smiled,
"Was my kitten startled?" he asked.
"I'll always be good to you. You're mine right?" he said.
"Say it to me please. I want to hear you." he said.
"I'm yours." you said softly.
"So then stay with me. Don't think about such terrible things. Stay with me forever." he said before dipping down to kiss you sweetly.
His lips over took you in a sweet softness that made your heart flutter. The last few times you two had sex was nice and sweet. He was always nice and sweet, he never scared you he always made sure you felt safe. His finger tips slid down the soft skin of your thighs and reached the hem of your panties. He moved his lips to your neck the moment he started trying to slip your panties off. He came up for a second so he could remove them from your legs. He came back to your neck to lick the area lightly, he looked you in the eyes while he captured your bottom lip between his teeth. He allowed it to slip from between them and he pecked your lips. His fingers simultaneously started to pet your heat, your hands went and wrapped around his shoulders and he pushed two fingers inside of you. You moaned loud into the room. You tried to cover your mouth but he pulled your hand away and kissed you. His fingers massaged your walls. You threw your head back and cried out. Your back arched as you felt your heat closing around his fingers. He pulled his fingers away. He had been sucking at your neck for sometime and you felt disappointment in the loss of his fingers.
"Not yet kitten." he cooed.
He sat up to remove his white shirt, you didn't realize how thin and flimsy the fabric was until he tossed it to the side. Your hands ran up his chest and he smiled before taking one of your hands and kissing the palm.
"I keep falling in love with you." you whispered.
"Don't ever stop." he told you.
He peppered kisses down your arm and got to your shoulder. He reached behind you slowly to unzip your little dress. Every move he made was more intimate than the last. He pulled off your dress and you were in your bra. His finger traced around your belly button and you could feel your clit twitch a little. You grabbed his forearm lightly, he massased your breast through your bra and pushed one side up to kiss your perked nipple. His soft lips teased your body, his hands tortured you by exploring every part of your body like he'd never known it before. You wanted him to sweep you up like the sea. You wanted Seonghwa to be your siren and lure you into the waves. You wanted to drown in the depths of pleasure for as long as you could. Your heart beat was beating like a drum, your breath was shallow but you enjoyed ever moment of his lips slowly kissing down your body. His teeth nipped at your belly button, his tongue made a wet cold trail down to your clit. He spread your legs a bit wider for him. He looked up at you before he opened his mouth to lick you up.
"Purr for me kitten." he commanded.
His mouth went down on you with pure purpose to make you scream. Your body jerked up from the bed and your hand went to his hair. You covered your mouth with your other hand and moaned loud into your palm. His tongue raveged your clit like it was his last meal. He devoured you like he'd never have you again. His tongue, twirled and tangled around your clit before sliding down your slit and pushing inside of you. You nearly screamed when you felt his wet muscle enter you.
"Oh my god Seonghwa!" You moaned while shaking.
"It feels good, right?" he said looking up at you.
Traces of you were on his lips. You nodded and he went back to his task. You gripped onto the bedsheets unable to help the feeling rising in your body.
"S-Seonghwa, you're gonna- make me. Cum." you said shaking.
He kept going down on you. His tongue was relentless, he was trying to steal you. Seonghwa already had you but he wanted more of you. So much more of you. Enough to fufill his desire, enough so that you knew who you belonged to. He quicky came off your heat and kissed you hard. He pushed you into the bed while you tasted yourself on his lips. The passion he kissed you with was hot and heavy. He snapped off your bra in no time and tossed it to the ground. Your hands made it to pants to feel his groin and he groaned in your mouth. You felt a coil in your stomach hasher than ever. You broke the kiss to look down so you could unbutton him. Your hands were shaking. He was watching you, you were trying to move quickly, you wanted him bad enough but your hands weren't complying with you. He lifted your chin and kissed you feverishly. He assisted your hands and unbuttoned his pants. He pulled them down along with his boxers this time. He parted your legs with his knee and you were ready. You welcomed him in your arms and wrapped your arms around him. He placed his hand on your hip and slid inside you.
"Seonghwa- be a little more rough." you requested.
He looked at you a bit stunned and dipped his head down to kiss you softly.
"Tell me to stop if it's too much." he whispered to you.
You nodded. He started moving hard inside of you. The sound of his skin making contact with yours had you falling deeper into exctasy. He grabbed your arms and pinned them down to the bed.
"Purr for me Kitten." he said.
You were moaning a little louder. You mind wondered if he would tip the boat over with how hard he was going in you. It felt amazing the way he was being a bit rougher with you. He pulled out for a second and turned you around before he slipped back into you. He wrapped his arm around you and he rammed into your body. He had you bent over the bed. Your knees were leaning against it to keep you up. He stood behind you and hovered over your body. His movements were hard and his breath was in your ear.
"Y/n." he moaned your name.
Incredible. It was dark and delicious. It was something you always wanted to hear the moment he stripped you of your clothes. You reached back and touched him. His cheek stuck to yours while he continued to ride into you. You could feel the heat getting to you, the sweat that accummulated from the naughty friction of your bodies slapping together. Your moans came out like songs too incoherent to understand but still just as seductive. He pushed you down to your stomach and lifted your butt more to climb over you. The moment he moved you felt him go so deep that your moan came out almost like a scream.
"Oh my God! Seonghwa."
"Good girl. Let me hear you Kitten." he encouraged.
You could hear his rough moans, moans that were deep and summoning something from the depths within you. It was like the growl of an animal taking what was theirs. Owning it, not letting anyone else have it. He was yours, you were his. He was taking your body and marking it as his own. He kissed your shoulders while his hands gripped your tiny ass. His hands were big and enveloped your back side. They squeezed at the flesh and drew up your back. He came down to your ear again this time he bit your ear. His voice sounded rough and unlike him when he said,
"Make yourself cum baby. Touch yourself."
He grabbed your hand to lead it between the sheets and your finger touched your clit. You cried out at the touch. It was such an odd feeling, you touching yourself, but it was fascinating. He fucked you faster and your finger drew circles on your clit as quick as you could. The closer you got the shorter your moans were, they came fast one after the other. The build inside you both was coming to it's peak. Closer and closer and closer...
"Y/n! Oh god Kitten." he said moaning.
His hips continued bucking into you while he filled you up. He collasped on the bed beside you and wrapped you up in his arms. He was trying to catch his breath when he said,
"I'll never stop trying to save you. You're my heart, my everything." he said.
You looked up at him surprised then exhaled softly,
"Seonghwa I think my medication is too high. I don't feel real when I take it. I feel like a zombie. I was trying to enjoy the day with you yesterday but I just couldn't I just felt so dead I guess." you said.
"You should've told me sooner babe. I'll tell Soo Ran to reduce it." He said.
"I'm not going to take it until she does. I just don't like feeling like that but my anxiety is still there. I can make it the rest of the cruise."
He nodded and kissed the top of your head,
"Alright I can handle that. You've gotten much better on your own anyway. We can make it right?"
You smiled and nodded. You laid your head back down on his chest and you both fell asleep. When you two woke back up, night had fallen and he told you to get dressed. He was going to take you up on deck to go dancing. You were nervous about that but he told you he'd pull you to the section where no one could see you. You agreed and got dressed. You headed out with him to go up on deck and you heard the loud music from the other side of the ship on your side. He slow danced with you, he held you close to him and spun you around before welcoming you in his arms again. He lifted you up and you giggled feeling a little more freer than before. Your siren had lost her voice. She lost her power, you weren't lured out to the sea, you were lured into his arms instead. You wrapped your arms around his neck and hugged him.
"I'm so glad I met you." you admitted.
"I'm the luckiest man in the world." he laughed.
"I'm in love with you Lee Seonghwa." you whispered.
"Enough to move in with me?" he asked.
Your eyes grew wide and you were about to answer when someone said something.
"Oh excuse us."
A voice made both you and Seounghwa look up but your heart broke when you saw who it was. Seonghwa hadn't noticed yet.
"Hey Soo Ran I didn't know you had tickets to this cruise too. I'm surprised we didn't see you yesterday." Seonghwa said.
You yanked on his hand and he looked down. You couldn't stop staring at the man next to her. His eyes hadn't torn away from you either.
"What's wrong?" he asked you.
You started to shake but it wasn't the anxiety this time. It was anger. He smiled at you softly and stepped forward. You didn't move but it showed on your face. The pain, the anger it was there. Soo Ran reached out for him; she whispered to him.
"Y/n?" Seonghwa asked.
"That's my father." you said pissed.
He stepped closer to you and slipped out of her hand. Why was she with him anyway? Was he a patient of hers?
"I think it's a good thing we've seen each other here Y/n." he said
"Why so you can just rub it in my face more that I should've never been born? That you didn't want me." you shot.
He looked regretfull but that look was years too late. You were upset, you hated him.
"I was a different person then."
"You look the same to me. Same demeanor, tall, still handsome despite the years. Still a cheater." you poked at him.
He looked down and sighed,
"I deserve that."
"Give me a few years I've got so much more."
"Y/n I want to-" he bent over in pain.
You stepped back confused. Soo Ran stepped up for a second and when his pain grew and he doubled over she screamed,
She ran over to him and you looked at her in pure shock. You looked down at her going to him and trying to lift him up. Soo Ran just called him dad... She was your sister?
"Call someone!" she screamed.
Seonghwa rushed off but you just stared down at both of them.
Soo Ran was your sister...
Betrayal at its finest my dear.Betrayal at its finest my dear.
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