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Word Count: 2539
“I’m sorry...you wh-what?” you said not wanting to hear him repeat what he just said, but you needed to make sure you heard him correctly.
He tries to sit up so that he can face you.
“I’m...dying Y/N.” he says quietly confirming your worst fears.
You stumble backwards away from his bed.
“No...this can’t be happening.” you say but it barely comes out a whisper.
You thought the worst pain you’ve ever have to experience was him leaving you, but this hurt a million times more. How...why? Why did this have to happen to him?
“You-you’re...lying. Jimin, this isn’t funny. Ple-please tell me you’re joking.” you say with tears starting to blur your vision.
“Y/N...I really wish I could say I was…” he looks at you with such sadness in his eyes.
“Wh-when did you find out?”
“The day that we were suppose to the soccer game...I found out that afternoon.”
2 Years Ago
“Jimin! You are going to love me!” you scream while running down the stairs.
“More than I already do? I don’t think that’s possible.” he says with a smirk.
“I think so…” you say while giggling like a little kid.
“Now I really want to know.” he says curiously.
“I...bought tickets for us to see your favorite soccer team play next month!” you scream while jumping up and down excitedly.
“You did what?!” he yells instantly jumping up from the couch.
“Yes, I know. I’m the best girlfriend ever, you can just say it.” you say jokingly.
“I couldn’t ask for a better girlfriend. Thank you!” he says while picking you up and spinning you around.
The day of the game you’re in your room trying to pick an outfit out and you text Jimin to meet you at your place in an hour to start heading to the game.
You: Jiminnn, let’s meet in an hour! I’m almost done getting ready, and I want to beat traffic!
Half an hour passed by and there was no response from him. You call him to make sure he wasn’t taking a nap, which he did often while waiting for you to get ready.
It went to voicemail. You decided to leave him a message.
“Hey sleepyhead, it’s your girlfriend just calling to make sure you were on your way soon! Please don’t be late! Love you and see you soon.”
Another half an hour passed by and he still wasn’t here. Now you were starting to get a little worried. He was never late to anything and he would definitely not be late to this game.
Park Jimin where are you?
You get your phone out again and call him repeatedly. It all went to voicemail. What was going on?
You grab your car keys and run into your car and start your engine.
“Please let him be okay, please let him be okay.” you whisper over and over again under your breath.
You get to his house and see his car in the driveway. He has to be home. You turn off the engine of your car and run out. You had a spare key for his place just in case he wasn’t home when you wanted to come over. You fumble to open the door and burst it open. The house was quiet and the first place you check is his couch to make sure he wasn’t sleeping. He wasn’t there. You go to check his bedroom. You turn the doorknob and it’s locked. That’s weird, you think to yourself. He’s the only one that lives here after his brother left to study abroad so it doesn’t make sense for his door to be locked. You knock the door softly.
“Jimin? Are you in there?”
“Jimin, please open the door.”
“Go away.” You hear him say.
“Jimin….what’s going on? Please let me in.” you beg.
You were getting nervous because he never acted this way before for as long as you have known him.
“Y/N, just go away I want to be alone.”
“But…what about the game?” you ask quietly.
“I don’t care about the game, about me, or about anything.” you hear him scream with frustration in his voice.
“Jimin, I am not leaving until you tell me what is going on. I’m really worried right now.”
You hear nothing from his side so you start banging on the door until he decides to open it. After a while you hear the lock click and he opens the door. When you see him you gasp. His eyes are swollen and red from crying.
“Jimin…baby, what’s going on?” you ask quietly while pulling him in for a hug.
You can feel him crying into your shoulder and you don’t ask him anything else. You just stand there and let him cry all his worries away.
Jimin’s voice pulls you back into reality, the memory causing tears to endlessly fall out of your eyes.
“Are you okay?” he asks seeing the tears in your eyes.
You walk over to the bed and grab his hand.
“Wh-why didn’t you te-tell me? Why we-were you suffering all al-alone this wh-whole time Jimin? Why?” you say between tears.
“I...didn’t want to hurt you Y/N. I wanted to end all relationships with everyone so that when I did leave this world it wouldn’t have hurt everyone else so bad because they would be living their lives without me already.”
“Pabo, why would that have been a good idea? That would have hurt me even more knowing you left without me being able to say goodbye. I would have hated myself forever.” you say.
“I think I was being selfish. I should have never left you. I should have told you that day when I had the chance. You just never asked about that day again...about why I was so upset. Why?”
“I...just knew if you wanted to tell me you would. I didn’t want you to force you to say anything when you weren’t ready.”
“I wanted to tell you, but no matter how much I tried I couldn’t. I...tried so hard to push you away. It was so hard Y/N. It was one of the hardest things I ever had to do. I thought it was best for you, and I am so sorry. I will never have enough words in the world to tell you how sorry I am.” he said looking down ashamed.
No matter how much you wanted to hate him right now you just couldn’t. You wanted to yell and scream at him for leaving you. You wanted to tell him how much it hurt only having memories to remember him by. That some days you thought you imagined your entire relationship with him. That he left you broken. But looking at how weak and how much pain he looked like he was in, you know that he suffered more than you could ever imagine. He was going through all of this alone. You weren’t here when he needed you, and that thought broke you in two.
“Jimin, don’t. You have nothing to be sorry for. I’m sorry, I should have asked you what was wrong that day. I should have been here with you this entire time. I will be here for you now, but only if you want me here.”
He looked at you with disbelief in his eyes like he didn’t believe that after all he put you through you still wanted to be near him.
“Y/N, I know it’s selfish of me to ask, but I...I do want you here. Very much. If you will, can you please stay with me?”
“Yes, of course.”
You were dismissed from the hospital the next day. You spent every day after that at the hospital with Jimin. You didn’t want to miss a single moment with him. You didn’t know how much time he had left, and you were too afraid to ask. You honestly didn’t want to know because you were too scared to face reality, that he was really dying.
“Did you need me to get you anything Jimin?” you ask while straightening up the blankets on his bed.
“No...I think I’m okay for now. You should get something to eat, you’ve been here all morning and skipped lunch. You still know where the cafeteria is right?”
Right on cue you hear your stomach growl. He laughs in response.
“Oh, you’re right. I’ll just grab something quickly. Don’t go anywhere!”
“Not like I have a choice ma’am.” he jokingly says.
You smile as you slide the door shut behind you and quickly walk to the cafeteria on the first floor. You walk in grab a sandwich, chips and a drink and start heading back to his room. Halfway there you see Jihyun talking to another doctor you assume, because of the white coat. You are facing him where you can see him, but he cannot see you. You look at the expression on his face and he looks very serious. You walk closer to him and stop before passing him. They were speaking in hushed tones, but you could pick out some words.
“I...think you should be preparing for the worst soon.” the doctor says looking down at the chart he had in his hands.
“Ho-how soon doctor?”
“Within the next five months, six at the most...I’m incredibly sorry Jihyun.”
Jimin. They were talking about Jimin. You drop your drink which falls to the ground and splatters everywhere. Jihyun turns around at the sound and sees you.
“No-noona...you didn’t hear…” his voice trailing off and his eyes in a panic.
“I-I’m sorry about the mess. I di-didn’t mean to.” you say frantic trying to find the closest towel or napkins to clean it up.
“Noona, it’s okay I got it, don’t worry about it.” he says quietly walking towards you and the mess you just made.
You back away from him and run down the hallway. You hear him call your name after you. Your heart felt like someone just ripped it in half. You didn’t know what to do, or where to go. Your anxiety all came rushing back in that instant. Your mind was all over the place. You needed to go somewhere. Somewhere where you could be alone. Somewhere where you could scream at the top of your lungs. Somewhere where...Jimin was all better again. You run and run and somehow find yourself on the rooftop of the hospital. The cool breeze hits your face and instantly dries up your tears. You take deep breathes to calm yourself down.
“Why...why him? Mom...dad...you said someone needed me. I know now that it’s Jimin. But how do I help him? How am I supposed to help him?! He’s dying!” you scream in frustration.
You feel the world around you spinning.
“Why am I still here? You said I have a purpose. I avoided death twice...but why? What is the reason why I’m still alive?! Why...does everyone keep leaving me?” you cry out.
You collapse to the ground on your knees. You felt exhausted. Both mentally and physically. You needed to stay strong. The only thing that you needed to think about right now was Jimin and only Jimin. If he only had five months left on this earth with you, you’re damn sure you would be there with him the entire five months. You couldn’t think of losing him again...this time for good, but you needed to push all these thoughts out of your head and just be there to support him, when he needed you the most.
You make your way back to Jimin’s room and run into Jihyun on the way.
“Noona. I need to talk to you.” he said with his head down.
“I know Jihyun. I know how much time Jimin has left.”
“I...I’m sorry noona. I should have told you a long time ago what was happening to Jimin. I...I just made a promise to him that I would never tell you no matter how bad it got or how much he asked for you. I regret that now. Seeing now how you both complete each other, and how happy he is when he’s with you..how happy he’s always been when he’s with you it makes me hate myself for keeping you two apart.”
“Jihyun...it’s okay. It’s not your fault. Thank you for just telling me that. I’m going to spend the rest of the time Jimin has left with him. I want to be here for him now and forever, however long that is anyway.” you say sadly.
“I wouldn’t want it any other way.” he says patting your shoulder with a smile.
You walk into Jimin’s room and see him sleeping again. Jihyun told you the treatments make him tired, and that soon they’re going to stop them all because nothing seems to be helping him anymore. You walk over to his bed and sit in the chair you positioned right next to him. You look at his face and can’t help but think this is all a dream, and that you’ll wake up next to him and that he never left you two years ago. That he was healthy, and you two were as happy as you once were. You were just thankful that you were able to see him again before...he left you forever. You were so lost in thought you didn’t see that he woke up.
“Y/N.” he said with a smile.
“Hey, you’re awake? How do you feel?” you ask grabbing onto his hand.
“Okay...I’ve been better, but I feel good now that you’re here.” he says squeezing your hand.
You take a minute to look at him and to take this moment in.
“Jimin…” you say quietly breaking the silence.
“I...love you.” you say with absolutely no hesitation.
He looks at you his expression first shocked, and then he smiles at you. The look in his eyes is how he use to look at you and with that, it expressed all his love he had for you.
“I love you too Y/N, so much. I never once went a day without thinking about you. About what you were doing, about what you were eating, about what you were thinking, about the chance that maybe you had moved on and were doing okay without me.”
“Jimin, if only you knew my life was hell without you. I wouldn’t have cared if you told me you were sick. I would have stayed by your side no matter what. I was so lost. I didn’t know what to do.”
“I should have known that you wouldn’t give up easily. You were always so headstrong when we were together.” he laughs softly at the memories.
He smiled at you in response and in this moment, even if just for a minute, everything felt perfect.
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