I just wanted to share something I've been thinking about and I hope it helps some of you too.
First I was shocked and I was deeply upset about the passing of Jonghyun, as the shock begins to subside of course I am still upset but it is transforming into a sad acceptance rather than me constantly wishing it wasn't real.
But then I felt an emotion I didn't expect: anger
I made the mistake of clicking one video on youtube that showed some idols entering the place of mourning and I was livid. The amount of camera flashes and zooming in to get the best angle of their dispair made me sick.
Because I'm not on youtube often suddenly all my recommended videos were this kind of thing - all different news outlets all diffferent angles. The thumbnail making a big deal over certain idols, and using this tragedy for money. I was so angry.
But then as I was watching the funeral procession, and watched Key, Onew, Minho, Taemin and others walk Jonghyun's body out of the hospital I realized something. It felt somewhat cathartic and therapudic to cry along with the crowd and to be able to watch it. I felt a sort of release and a sad sense of calm came over me. Watching other people, especially ones I recognize and respect, be in such pain like I was, helped release some of my emotions and I felt so much better.
So while I'm still so angry at the news sites for sending hundreds of reporters and for making money off of this tragedy, I did get something positive from their video (I only watched it once) so at least there is that.
So if you were feeling the anger I felt, remember that everyone grieves in different ways and watching these videos might help someone release and calm their emotions.
I hope you are all doing okay, and I love you all.