Who: Park Jaebeom x Reader
What: Smutmance ( inbred child of Romance and smut)
Story: Ordinary girl. Ordinary Guy. And sweet sweet drama.
Y/N normally gets tired out after sex but it usually takes her about ten minutes to fall asleep. In high school, she used to stay up to get dressed and then she'd curl up on the floor. She always kept distance between me and her even though we're friends. She's just not the type to get personal, she's to herself. I always chalked it up to her being an outsider.
I didn't really see her that way. I was technically born in America too. I stayed there for three years before my family moved back to Korea. My younger brother Jehan seemed to always get on her nerves but then again she'd always openly tell me I was pissing her off too.
She must've been worn down already because she just went to sleep. I even tried teasing her, poking her and slapping her ass. She didn't move, not even a slight budge. She was out so I just took her to her bedroom.
I can never really get comfortable at her place. Not completely anyway. It's always too clean. Don't get me wrong, I like clean but it seemed over done. Everything was in a neat pile and position. It seemed like her shelves and television had been perfectly aligned and centered in the room. I swear she carpet cleans her floors every day.
It was psychotic clean, almost like she had something to hide. Like she had a bunch of dead bodies hiding under her floor or stuffed into a freezer some where. I'm not saying she's psychotic though. Perhaps that's even the wrong word or I'm just being over dramatic but Y/N has never really been...normal.
She keeps people out and at a safe distance. There's never any room to get close to her. She doesn't really want me around and anytime I show up to have sex she really only goes along with it because it's something to do. I can hear it in how she talks to me and Hyukwoo will talk to me from time to time and tell me how she does the same with other people. So I know it's not just me.
I think I know what's in her heart or at the very least in her head. She's been called an outsider for so long she's probably just accepting the role. She can't be hurt if she doesn't let anyone in. If all her encounters are on the surface level and she doesn't have a deep relationship with someone then she can survive.
I find her way of life incredibly lonely.
I'm not the type to believe everyone I meet or to let everyone close but I know I have people out here that I can trust. People that really have my back no matter what. She doesn't know what she's missing. I can't lie, I want to tell her a lot of things and I know she'd never tell anyone else but I also know she'd just give me that blank stare and say,
"Jaebeom-ah. Why are you telling me this?"
I wouldn't have an answer for her. I don't know why I want to tell her, I just do. Man, that first time in highschool when she was a virgin and I showed her how to ride me, her eyes were so intense. I don't get to see that intensity anymore and it was just about the only emotion I really saw her express. I mean she smiles and laughs but I can tell they're just a front. There doesn't seem to be much else behind it.
I laid her on the bed and then laid down next to her for a while and I just started talking. I know she can't hear me and I know she won't respond but I just wanted to talk to her. All of my visits are about sex and admittedly I made it about sex on purpose. I like fucking her. I get other girls on occasion but I just like fucking her. I specifically crave her sometimes. When I'm in Busan or America, I sometimes find the urge to taste her again.
I know she'll introduce me as her friend but deep down I don't think she sees me as one. I think she just seems me as someone who likes to fuck.
"My mom is getting surgery and while my brother is gone. So I have to stay in Seoul. Look's like we'll be seeing each other more often huh Y/n?" I smile and turn to look at her sleeping face.
I put my hand on her cheek and stare at her. I can hear her calm breathing in the room. She looks relaxed, it's like the only time she ever looks relaxed. I finally start noticing the calmness of her home. It's still, unsettlingly still.
"Who are you trying to put a front on for Cupcake? I know you." I smile at her sleeping face.
Cupcake? I can't remember why I called her that but I know it had something to do with her ass.
In junior high, during lunch she sat down on a student's cupcake and ruined her skirt. I remember the boy got upset and she just gave him that blank stare and said in THE most monotone voice,
"Who's that stupid to put a cupcake on a seat? Dumbass."
All me and my boys could do was laugh. Admittedly, I teased her about it, saying shit like,
"Look at that cupcake ass."
I was a total perv when it came to her. Man I love chasing girls and she wasn't an exception just because she was my neighbor and friend. I used to say,
"So can I taste that sweet ass or nah?"
I remember one time I asked her,
"When are you going to put that ass in my face."
She just looked at me annoyed and confused and said,
"Why the fuck would I do that?"
I laughed as I told her,
"So I can see if it tastes like a cupcake."
She was clearly not amused. She rolled her eyes and walked away from me. She's been my lil chocolate cupcake since then. That's probably why she hates me, I teased her so much. She used to tell me I brought too much attention towards her. Girls would start harassing her because I would walk home with her. My arm would be around her shoulder and I would just be talking about everything knowing damn well she didn't give a damn about what I was saying.
Her attitude is hard for me to swallow sometimes but on the other hand I get it. Her Aunt and Uncle were good to her. They basically raised her rather than her parents. She never told me why she stayed with her Aunt in the first place, I don't think she really knew either. Her parents would visit her every now and again and in elementary school she would get really excited to see them and spend the whole day with them but then by the end of fifth grade she just seemed to not care. It was like she became hollow or unphased.
She started to dread visits from her parents and I just never understood what changed. Y/N doesn't seem to realize that I notice a lot about her. I remember alot about her and pay attention to a lot of the things she does. I just don't understand her bubble. I wish I did.
I left her alone to sleep after a while and took the Audi back to my friend's place. When I walk in, he's in the kitchen with take out on the counter and he's licking his finger from sauce he just spilt. He looks up and sees me and continues what he's going while saying,
"Hey, I take it she wasn't impressed by the car."
"Why do you say that?" I asked.
"I just assumed you'd be out the whole night." he said suggestively.
I clicked my teeth as I set the keys on his key rack.
"Nah me and Y/N aren't like that. It's just fucking to us. Besides, she's not easily impressed. I could see on her face that me driving an Audi was pure bullshit to her."
He laughed as he said,
"Sounds like she knows you."
"She knows bullshit." I sighed.
I ran my hand through my hair. Y/N gets on my nerves sometimes. I can't really put up a front around her. She won't let me have a moment to be cool. She drives me a little nuts. I just can't stop thinking about her sometimes. Being away from her only helps a little but it seems after so much time has passed she's the one I end up missing the most. Usually when I get back, she's the first person I see. She doesn't know that but I do. Even my parents don't find out I'm back in town until after I've seen her.
The only reason I saw them first this time was because I was called back to see my mom in the first place. I have a little business down here but the majority of everything is revolving around making sure my mom is okay and she's looked after. The surgery isn't anything serious but just serious enough to need to keep an eye on her. All of us are pretty protective of mom but since Jehan is out of the area for the next six weeks me and Dad are keeping an eye on her.
"What's wrong bro? You seem stressed."
"I am, mom is going in for her surgery in a couple of days and I have to make sure I get her there on time and that she's okay and then I have to get her back home."
"I thought you said it wasn't anything serious?"
"Well surgery in general is serious Kiseok." I said.
He nodded and started eating from his place,
"I know and I'm not trying to say it isn't I just don't understand why you're so tense."
I rested my chin in my hand with a heavy sigh. As I thought it over, I couldn't help but wonder why I was so tensed up. I wonder if Y/N thinks about me when I leave her? What does she think of me always coming to have sex with her? Maybe I should stop for a while, maybe just go hang out with her like we used to.
What a difficult woman.
"I think it's just Y/N." I sighed as I run my hand through my hair frustrated.
"I thought sex was supposed to de-stress a person." Kiseok laughed.
"Yeah well not with her. She's just-hard to understand. We've known each other for so long and she knows so much about me but I know so little about her. I just have so many unanswered questions when it comes to who she is."
"Have you ever asked her any of them?" Kiseok said after taking a sip from his water.
I just shrugged a little.
"I used to but- I mean what's the point? She barely answered the ones I did have; why would she answer the others? To her I'm probably sticking my nose into business that isn't mine."
"Maybe you are." he laughed.
I looked at him annoyed. Isn't that how you get to know someone though? You ask questions and you take the little risk of answering as candidly as possible. She wouldn't have to go into much detail but little by little couldn't she just open up to me? I don't know why it bothers me so much but it does. I haven't been friends with her for this long to just be the guy that comes to fuck her when I'm in town. Something in me is just beating and begging for more.
I just wish she'd show me who she is beneath all her walls and all the mystery. I want to know Y/N for real.
"Well look if all you do is fuck the girl perhaps she's just thinking practically and refuses to get close to you so she doesn't end up getting her heart broken." Kiseok reasoned.
"But I don't just think of her like that. I wouldn't break her heart I just want her to trust me and talk to me. She's done this since we were kids."
"Okay but how is she supposed to know that it's safe to do that? You say she knows you but perhaps you were a different person when you were younger. There was a different side of you or even her that she didn't want to risk the pain. If you're ademeat about getting to know her why don't you just bring her to the party? She'll be around people so there's no way for you two to sleep together. You can drink and just talk." he suggested.
"That might work but it will be a bitch trying to convince her come."
"Well that I can't help with bro but I suggest offering a free meal. It usually works with women. Hell it works for dudes too." Kiseok said as he walked away.
"I don't like what you just implied there."
Kiseok laughed as he headed into his room. Kiseok and I were going into business together. He's done well for himself already but he let's me crash at his place when I'm back in Seoul. He normally sends me all over the place doing his other half of business so I never bothered to get another place after I left my old one. Besides, my parents always let me come back home to crash in my old room. My life is spent moving from one hotel to another or back to Kiseok's place but now that we're getting our contract to build this new hotel I'll be able to control more of my life, being a boss and all. I don't know, I like the fast life but I've been wanting to settle somewhere.
I wonder what Y/N's doing now.
I wonder if she's still asleep.
I get up and head to the spare room in Kiseok's place. I plop down on the bed and enjoy the fluffiness of the bed engulfing me. My head rests on my pillow and I pull my phone out to look at it. No texts from Y/N. I only left her an hour or two ago I suppose she's still asleep. She never calls me though and to be fair neither do I. I just kind of show up at her door step, we Fuck and then I leave.
I'm starting to see Kiseok's point now. She'll never really let me in if I'm only coming after that fat ass. Damn I love her ass. I have to stop thinking about that but her body is burned into my mind. She's been working out too because her curves are more defined than they were last year. This girl is going to drive me up a wall.
My thumb is hovering over her name and I think about calling but I don't want to disturb her sleep. I haven't even planned out what I'm going to say yet. Perhaps I can just invite her to Starbucks or that donut shop off West.... She'd hate both those places.
Where am I supposed to take her? I know she'd love the library but we couldn't talk there. I wonder if she's ever been to an aquarium before? I think it would be cool to take her to the company's party but I doubt she'd like it. I suppose if I stay close by her and talk to her then she'll find a way to make herself survive it. Why does she drive me so crazy? I hate silence but that's all I get from her.
She'll no doubt refuse and I don't really know if the bribe of a free meal will work on her. it's worth the try but I just really doubt it. I can never tell if we're compatible or fire and ice. She won't let me know anything and so it just seems like I'm on this far island in limbo waiting for an entrance into heaven. I like getting her to scream for me but...I don't know I'd just like her to look at me, for real. I just want something outside of the sex. The sex is great but there's something missing that makes it less fulfilling. Some emptiness I'm left with and so I end up feeling like I'm starving again.
I just put my phone on the charger and roll over onto my side. I guess I'll just text her in the morning. I'll sleep on it and see if it's still a good idea...
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