“Why don’t you two go on a short trip?” Changbin states. He sat across from me at the coffee shop on Saturday morning.
I lower my gaze from his. “I don’t know if that’s a good idea.”
Changbin was a mutual friend of me and my boyfriend Chan. He was originally friends with Chan but after I started dating Chan we became close too.
Chan and I had been together for 9 years now. The first 8 years were great and we hardly ever fought. We still don’t fight but starting on our ninth year together something changed between us.
It started out with how we stopped texting each other often. Shortly after that we stopped being physically intimate. The hugs and kisses were scarce and going to bed meant just sleeping. Our late night talks ceased to exist. Instead we’d lie back to back.
At first I thought it was just me that started to feel different but it became apparent that he too felt the same way. He’d always be out with his friends most of the time, only coming home to sleep.
So for half of our ninth year together we danced around each other, barely talking, barely seeing each other, barely living.
At first it upset me. But now I’m used to it.
I was just waiting for him to say it. That he wanted to break up. I wanted to hear him say it.
I was too scared. I spent a good 9 years with Chan. What would I do without him? Living with him and being with him, it’s become like second nature to me. Not to mention I didn’t really want to lose him as a friend. I didn’t want to lose my other friends (like Changbin) because of this too.
“What would a trip prove?” I mutter glancing down at my lap.
Changbin sighs. “Maybe it will bring back the spark that is absent between you two?”
I raise my eyes to stare at my coffee sitting in front of me. The hot steam was pouring out of it, slowly dwindling down into nothing as the coffee got cold. Just like mine and Chan’s relationship.
My eyes meet Changbin’s. “I doubt he’d even want to go.”
Changbin smiles. “I’ve already talked to him about it, he said he’d go.”
My heart stutters a bit. “He did?” I say confused.
Changbin nods. “Just go, Yookyung. I hate seeing you two this way. I know you guys may not feel it now but you do love each other deep down.”
I chew at my lip. “How long?”
“Four days.” He leans forward leaning into the table.
Half a week with just Chan and I? Would it not be a waste? We would just avoid each other the whole trip? But again it wouldn’t hurt to go. It was free after all, Changbin, Seungmin, and Woojin insisted on paying. In fact they had already paid for it.
“I guess I’ll go.” I hum, my hands joining together in my lap nervously.
Changbin smiles and takes a deep breath. “Okay great!”
“Are you sure that’s a good idea?” Hyemi asks, she sits on her bed her laptop on her lap. She stares over the screen to watch me pace back and forth across the room.
“I’m not sure. I mean at this point it can’t do more damage than what’s already been done.” I stop pacing and stare down at my feet. I was right, right?
Hyemi closes her laptop. “I guess that is true.” She slowly maneuvers her way out of her bed to sit down in one of her moon chairs. “But you do know that if you actually want to make progress with Chan you have to try right?”
I glance at her, she was staring at me with a solemn look on her face.
“You guys can’t just keep ignoring each other. You’ll have to flirt and hang around each other if you want to stay together.” She sends me a small smile, one that was more sad than happy.
I lower my gaze. “I know.”
But it was a two way street. If only I try I’ll make myself look like a fool.
The morning of the trip I woke up to an empty bed. I wasn’t surprised to be honest, as this usually happened. I shower off before getting dressed in some simple clothes.
I brush my teeth and hair all while staring at my reflection in the mirror. I didn’t like looking in the mirror, I wasn’t sure if I should be disappointed in what looks back at me or not.
The girl in the mirror wasn’t good enough. She couldn’t even keep her boyfriend interested in her. I couldn’t blame him. I had let myself go since high school. I didn’t dress up as much anymore, I rarely wore makeup, and I gained a few pounds. I just felt comfortable around Chan. I didn’t know I was driving us away from one another.
A pang settles in my chest. I hated to admit it but I was still in love with him. Even though things are awkward between us. This was my first time admitting it. Ever since things had changed between us I pretended I was dull and had no feelings remaining for him. But that was a huge lie, for my heart still raced whenever the door opens signaling he’s home. My heart still sinks whenever he walks on past the living room ignoring me.
I glance down at my long forgotten makeup bag. I rinse my mouth out and grab the bag before leaving the bathroom. Maybe just maybe I would dress up on this trip.
Chan had already packed his things into the car, it seems as if he was waiting on me. He glances up at me as I come down the hall.
His eyes falter to the door. “The car’s unlocked, you can put your stuff in it.” He mumbles.
I nod even though he wasn’t looking at me. Heading out to the car I put my bag into the backseat and let out a low sigh. Please don’t let this trip be too awkward.
I head back inside and find him in the kitchen. I clear my throat. “I’m ready whenever you are.”
He turns around and nods.
Once in the car I felt my phone vibrate in my lap. I pull it up to see I’ve got two texts. They were from Changbin and Hyemi.
Good luck on your trip!
Remember flirting is the key! Also you better wear that black dress I lent you!
The ride to the hotel is short. Technically I wouldn’t really call this a trip. We were just leaving the comfort of our apartment to a hotel on the more commercial side of Seoul. But we rarely got to go out so this was a trip in our terms.
Chan offers to carry my bag inside and I follow after him with a sigh. We didn’t talk the entire ride.
After checking in we head up to our room. Once inside he sits our stuff down and plops down on our bed. I stand awkwardly by the door.
This was the longest we’ve been around each other in over three months. Well other than sleeping next to one another.
“So, uh what do you want to do first?” He questions me, his voice clearly nervous from the awkward atmosphere.
I wanted to call him out for his nervousness but I knew better than to do so as it was obvious it was because of the awkward tension between us.
I raise my right hand to rub at my left arm. “We could go to the movies or something?” I suggest shrugging.
He nods. “Okay.”
“I’ll check what’s showing.” I pull out my phone.
There were a decent amount of movies showing so I move closer to hold my phone out for him to read.
“Here look and see if there are any you want to see.” He takes my phone into his hand and scrolls through it.
He scrolls through the movies before pausing. He looks up to me. “Uh someone named Minho texted you.”
I nod. “What did he say?”
Chan seems surprised I’m allowing him to read a message meant for me. “Uh,” he clicks on the message. “He says he’s leaving for his study abroad trip and to make sure Hyemi stays single until he gets back.” Chan squints before looking up at me. “This Minho guy likes Hyemi?” His eyes dart to the floor.
I nod. “Mmm, he’s liked her for a long time but she’s iffy on dating right now.”
He slowly nods. “I see.” He lowers his gaze back to my phone. “Want to see this one?” He points to one of them
I shrug. “Sure.”
I turn away from him to grab my purse. “Is there a showing coming up?”
He stands. “Yes.”
Chan and I take seats near the back at the theater. It’s wasn’t totally full but there were a good amount of people in here too.
We had decent seats until a couple came and sat down in the row in front of us. I sat up straighter as the movie started. The guy in front of me was a bit tall so I had to sit up to see.
The movie was great so far but it must’ve been boring for the couple in front of us. They began making out a couple of minutes ago and it was drawing my attention from the movie to it.
I sigh slightly annoyed. This also made things awkward for Chan and I. How long has it been since we last made out?
I felt Chan nudge me. “Are you okay?”
I nod. “It’s just I can’t really enjoy the movie when they are going at it right in front of us.”
Chan glances at them and back at me. He looks down the row of seats and his hand rests on mine. “Let’s move down then.”
He tugs me after him and we sit down a couple of seats down.
“Better?” He asks glancing at me.
I nod, “Way better.”
And with that we went back to watching the movie. As the movie progresses I realize that we are holding hands. I bite my lip to keep from smiling.
This was progress I hadn’t suspected at all. I mean I figured we’d talk and all but not this.
Later that night when I came out of the bathroom I head towards the bed. My eyes land on Chan who was oddly curled up facing the inside of the bed. He was going to sleep facing me? This didn’t used to be unusual but nowadays it is.
Maybe this trip wasn’t a bad idea at all. I needed to thank Changbin.
I laugh, “Oh and remember when Seungmin didn’t realize Soohee was hitting on him?”
Chan laughs loudly. “Yeah her confession like went over his head.”
Chan and I sat at a coffee shop the next morning. The atmosphere between us was so much brighter. I couldn’t believe it. Right now we were reminiscing over things that happened in high school and everything felt so natural.
Later in the day we end up at the mall goofing around. I dare him to try on certain clothes and he does the same to me. It reminds me of some of our first dates and how much fun we had.
After that we end up at the zoo, somehow walking hand in hand.
Today was a great day. I almost didn’t want to return to the hotel.
But we did, since it was late. We ordered room service for dinner and watched the first thing that popped up on TV.
When I slip into bed Chan is already curled up in the sheets. I turn away from him to lay in the opposite direction as it has been forever since I got to lay on this side. But I soon felt an arm wrapping around my waist tugging me back into Chan’s chest.
I felt him snuggle into my neck and his breathing slowed. Meanwhile my heart beat increased. This was the closest we’ve been in so long.
I swallow negative thoughts entering my mind. This was all going to end when the trip was over wasn’t it? Things would go back to the way they were. If not right away, within the next few weeks.
My heart sinks and I bite my lip to keep from crying. Just enjoy your last few days with him while you can Yookyung.
At breakfast the next morning we ended up going down to the hotel’s continental breakfast. As we were eating I felt the chair slide out beside me and a guy sits down.
“Yookyung?” He speaks.
My eyes widen. “H-Hyunjin? Is that you?”
Chan noticeably stops eating, he stares between us confused. A weird look crossed his face.
Hyunjin laughs. “Yeah it’s me!” He leans forward. “How have you been you look great?”
I smile. “I’ve been good and thanks. How about you?”
“Never better. I’m back in Seoul for good now, I’m going to college here.” He smiles glancing at Chan and nodding.
“Hello, I’m Hwang Hyunjin.” He puts his hand out for Chan to shake.
Chan seems reluctant to take his but does. “Hi I’m Bang Chan.”
Hyunjin moves his attention back to me. “I have to get back to work, but it was nice seeing you after what 12 years?”
I nod. “Likewise. Wait do you work here?”
He stands while nodding. “Yeah I clean the rooms.”
Hyunjin waves goodbye before rushing off. I wasn’t even surprised how good looking he got, Hyunjin was always charming.
I glance back at Chan. “That was my childhood friend Hyunjin. We haven’t seen each other in 12 years.”
Chan slowly nods. “I see.”
I slip on the black dress Hyemi lent me after I had fixed my makeup. I stare at myself in the mirror tugging the short black dress down in at attempt to cover more of my thighs, but it did no help.
I was a tad bit uncomfortable in the dress since it was so short. I was taller than Hyemi so therefore the dress rode a bit higher than it would on her.
I shake my head. Dress up Yookyung, you rarely ever do.
I take a deep breath before stepping out into the bedroom. “Are you ready?” Chan stands up his eyes immediately trailing down my body.
I bite my lip.
“Are you sure you want to wear that?” Chan states coming closer.
I swallow. “Why does it not look good on me?”
Chan quickly waves his hands. “No no you look great, amazing actually but it’s just you look uncomfortable.”
I shake my head. “I’m fine.”
His eyes meet mine. “Okay if you say so.”
Back at the hotel that night I flop down on the bed waiting for Chan to get out of the bathroom. The dress was nice and all but I really wanted it off. I slip my shoes off as Chan comes out of the bathroom.
He sits down beside me and I glance towards him. One of his hands reaches up to cup my cheek.
Our eyes connect and my heart pounds.
“You know you don’t have to dress up and be uncomfortable for me to like you?” He murmurs, his thumb swipes down my cheek rubbing the skin lightly.
“You look beautiful in anything you wear.” He smiles leaning forward.
His lips land on mine and I’m immediately kissing back. It was still natural to do so.
He moves his hands, one on my waist and the other on my neck and moves until he’s hovering over me. The kiss turning more passionate as it progresses.
He had planted himself firmly between my legs and pressed forward until our bodies were touching. I felt all giddy inside as we made out.
But something just didn’t feel right. My thoughts from the other night were clouding my mind again. This won’t last.
This time next week you won’t be talking again.
My hands shove against his chest pushing him off me. His eyes widen as I do so.
“I’m sorry, I can’t do this right now.” I mutter, we have been spending this whole week like the last six months we haven’t been avoiding each other. We haven’t talked about any of the real issues or what brought us here to this trip.
We weren’t getting anywhere.
Chan sits back. “Did I do something wrong?”
I quickly stand up grabbing my phone. “I just...I need a minute.”
I quickly collect my shoes and step outside. I rush down the hall to the elevator and head down to the second floor lobby. There were seats everywhere down here. I take one and quickly pull out my phone dialing Hyemi’s number.
She doesn’t answer. A tear slides down my cheek. Please I just need someone to talk to.
My finger hovers over Changbin’s contact but I ultimately decide against calling him.
I cover my face with my hands and more and more tears flow down my face.
“Yookyung?” Hyunjin’s voice sounds in my ears but I don’t remove my hands from my face.
I felt him sit down beside me. “Yookyung, are you okay?” His hand rests on my shoulder.
I slowly remove my hands from my face to glance up at him and he wore a worried expression on his face.
“What happened?” He asks turning to face me more.
I wipe at the tears on my face. Hyunjin isn’t friends with Chan so I guess I could talk to him about it. Maybe talking is what I need to do.
I lower my gaze. “My boyfriend and I aren’t on good terms.”
“The guy from this morning right? Bang Chan?” He states, pulling a tissue box from the table closest to him. He sits it in my lap.
“Yes him. We’ve been together for over nine years and this past year we’ve not been talking or anything. We live together and we don’t talk.” I pause to blow my nose. “Our mutual friend Changbin set up this trip for us to try and get us back to normal. Everything went back to normal, we even made out tonight which we haven’t done in the past six months. But we haven’t talked about the real issues and what brought us here.”
I take a tissue to clean the running mascara underneath my eyes.
Hyunjin sighs. “It sounds to me like you guys are having communication problems? He still seems to like you, I mean he was sending daggers at me this morning. I don’t think he would do that if he wasn’t still interested in you. He seemed thoroughly jealous.”
I didn’t even notice that.
“But to be fair you aren’t talking to him either.” Hyunjin’s hand rests on mine. “You are down here telling me this when you should be telling him.”
I swallow, telling Chan? I don’t know.
“Yookyung communication is key in a relationship.” Hyunjin huffs. “No relationship will last without it.”
I bite my lip. I knew he was right but I was still scared. What if when I express myself Chan breaks up with me? I shake my head, if I don’t he’ll break up with me too.
“You’re right.” I stand up, the tissue box sliding off my lap into the floor. Hyunjin quickly picks it up and puts it back where it came from. “I’ll go talk to him now.”
“Alright good,” Hyunjin stands, he places a hand on my head patting it like I was a child. “And with that I’ll be going to clock out!”
I rush back upstairs to talk to Chan. I touch the keycard to the keypad and the door clicks open. I step inside and Chan isn’t there.
My phone starts vibrating in my hand and I pull it to my face. It was Changbin.
I pull the phone to my ear. “Hello?”
Changbin sighs. “Are you going to break up with Chan?”
I blink confused. “No why?”
Changbin sounds sad over the phone. “He just called me and he sounded upset. He was convinced you were going to break up with him.”
Me break up with him?
“Do you know where he went?” I ask, I start throwing my stuff in my bag so I could leave.
“He went home to pack up a bag to come stay with me for the time being.”
“Can you stall him until I can get there?” I ask as I run out of the room, my bag in hand.
I hang up on Changbin and the elevator rings opens on the first floor. I go to rush out but run straight into Hyunjin.
He seems confused. “What happened to talking things out?” He glances at my bag and haste manner.
“He went home.” I say quickly. “I have to go catch him before he leaves.”
“Do you need a ride?” He asks.
I nod. “That would be great.”
Hyunjin pulls up to the apartment complex and we both hop out. Hyunjin grabs my bag and follows after me.
I rush up to the fifth floor and quickly type in the code to our apartment. I step inside and everything is quiet. Was I too late?
I take a few steps down the hall to glance in the living room. I felt relieved but also sad at seeing Chan sitting on the couch his head in his hands.
Chan hears my last step and his head lifts up. I saw his lips somewhat quivering, was he trying to not cry? My heart sinks.
Hyunjin steps into view and Chan’s eyes move to him.
Chan stands up and rolls his eyes. “What are you doing here?”
Hyunjin laughs at his sentence. “I’m just dropping her off. You two need to talk.” He rests a hand on my shoulder sending me a knowing look. “Message me if you need me.”
I nod and he turns and leaves.
I turn back to Chan who looked angry. “If you’re going to do it just do it already.” He says anger present in his voice.
“Do what?” I question him.
“You’re here to break up with me aren’t you?” He huffs running a hand through his hair.
“Why do you think that?” I ask him, I move further into the living room.
He crosses his arms over his chest. “You backed out of the kiss?” He huffs. “You’ve got all these good looking men around you, we don’t talk, we haven’t been intimate, I’m not dumb Yookyung.”
His sentence strikes a nerve with me. “Good looking men? Bang Chan are you calling me a cheater?” I couldn’t believe it.
His arms uncross and he sighs. “No I’m not saying that, well not exactly.”
“Please do explain.” I urge on, completely pissed off.
He again runs a hand through his now messy hair, his hand rests on the back of his neck. “First it was that Minho guy, you see him all the time, he’s always messaging you. And when I finally got to see him and see how good he looks why wouldn’t I be scared? Not to mention why wouldn’t you have cheated, I was always out for work not giving you any time. I’m not as handsome as him.”
I slap a hand to my forehead. “You already know that Minho likes Hyemi?”
Chan raises his hands. “I know, and when I found out I thought maybe I was wrong about you two. But then Hyunjin showed and you backed out of all the progress we made the same day. And then you run to him to tell him about it.”
So he saw me talking to Hyunjin?
I snort. “Progress? We weren’t making any progress Chan. Pretending we haven’t been talking for months isn’t fixing anything. We need to communicate.”
He sighs. “I just I haven’t been the best boyfriend, I lack in so many ways. My mind immediately goes to you cheating on me because I’m not good enough for you. Plus you haven’t been talking to me.”
I laugh, “I haven’t been talking to you because you haven’t been talking to me. I thought I wasn’t good enough for you.”
“I literally stared in the mirror on a daily basis and ridiculed myself because of this.” I state. “I couldn’t figure out why you don’t love me anymore.”
Chan’s eyes soften. “I still love you.”
I bite my lip. “And I still love you, but we aren’t going to work out it we don’t start communicating. We can’t just bottle up all of our fears and shit and think our relationship will last.”
He nods. “I agree.”
I huff. “And by the way, you should thank Hyunjin. He’s the one who talked me into opening up to you.”
He sighs. "Fine."
I hope it's not terrible haha.
Please let me know what you think!Please let me know what you think!
Also if you see any mistakes please let me know!Also if you see any mistakes please let me know!