Trauma Ch.1

Who: Reader x Kim Junmyeon

What: Angst, Romance, Smut

Story: You're just two trauma filled people trying to live normal lives... but trauma is a bitch

Y/N's POV


The house was in disarray. The aftermath of your fight and break up looked like a storm had blown through. You stared at your face in the mirror, your cheek stung and was already red and starting to bruise. The two of you had never been in such a heated argument to the point you threw things across the room or put your hands on each other. The problems of your relationship had been bubbling under the surface so long, neither one of you had realized the breakup would be this bad. In the end, Heechul left you with the pieces to pick up.


Minseok told you it was a bad idea to date someone so much older than you. He always had a bad feeling about Heechul. Siwon had warned you too but that was because he knew Heechul had a temper. Eunha didn't think you and Heechul were an even match but she supported you anyway. She knew better than anyone that you wouldn't listen to good reason.


There was a knock on the door that drew you from the bathroom. You headed to the front and opened it up to see Siwon and Ryeowook standing at the door.


"Are you okay?" Siwon asked.


He could see the state of the flat from the door. You tried to be strong and hold your tears back as you nodded but Siwon could tell you weren't. He stepped inside with Ryeowook following behind. Siwon immediately hugged you before doing anything else. As you pulled away from him, Ryeowook spoke up,


"He thought it would be better if we came and picked up his things."


You nodded through sniffles; Ryeowook headed to the room you and Heechul used to share after patting your arm. Siwon led you to the sofa and you sat down together.


"Do you need someone to stay over tonight?" Siwon asked.


"No, Minseok and Eunha are coming over after work. I gotta get the place cleaned up first."


"You also need ice for your face,"


Siwon reached up to touch your cheek tenderly. He saw you wince in pain so he pulled his hand back. He sighed,


"I can't believe he hit you. I mean I knew he had anger issues but I never thought he'd do this."


"Well to be fair, I threw a bowl at his head and I slapped him."


"It's still not okay." Siwon said.


You nodded and wiped your eyes; you were very much in the habit of making allowances for men that put their hands on you. You decided to get up and help Ryeowook pack Heechul's things. The part that made you angry wasn't that he was cheating on you but that he was doing it in your bed. You just wanted him out of your life but that also meant that Ryeowook and Siwon would be out of your life too. The memories of good times didn't hurt as much as the memories of the bad.


You placed his clothes in bags without animosity. That fight had taken everything out of you. There was nothing left to be angry at, this was the end. Once everything was packed up, you saw Siwon and Ryeowook to the door. They looked back at you with pity in their faces.


"Thanks for getting his stuff." You said.


Siwon placed a hand on your shoulder,


"Are you sure you're going to be okay?" He asked.


You chucked,


"Yeah, I've faced worse. Trust me."


Ryeowook opened his arms up and you walked into his embrace. His hand brushed your hair down as he said,


"I hope you feel better soon."


He placed a light kiss on your forehead.


"Thanks Wookie. I love you both."


"See you soon." Siwon said.


You shook your head. You thought about your relationship with the two of them while you were packing Heechul's stuff. You didn't want to stay in the flat, the first chance you got, you were going to move out. Everything was going to change, you needed it to. That was always the pattern you stuck with. That also meant your friendship with Ryeowook and Siwon had to end. Heechul would become a pest, you would be reminded of everything that had happened. You just needed to start over.


"I don't think we should. You're Heechul's friends. You were his friends first I don't want to make you choose." You said.


"What makes you think we'd have to choose?" Ryeowook asked.


"Heechul will never let this fly. You both know that. Sneaking around to be your friend is too stressful I just think things in my life need to change right now."


"Including us?" Siwon asked.


You sighed because you didn't want to have to say it. You nodded silently. You felt like on some level, Siwon understood but neither him nor Ryeowook wanted to accept that reality. They both gave you one more hug that seemed to linger longer than the first one. If things had ended differently, you wouldn't mind staying so close to them but this was your luck. This was what happened every time you wanted to be normal....


Three months laterThree months later


You yawned as you headed to your next class. You didn't get much sleep last night, reminders of your past issues came up in your dreams and you woke up multiple times during the night. Your communications class was next and, although it was a class you liked, you didn't know if you'd be able to stay awake for it. You walked in your class and your professor gave you a look like he had no idea why you were in there. You wondered if you walked into the wrong class by mistake.


"Ms. Jeon you're late, there's only twenty minutes of class left." He said.


"What do you mean? I thought I was only a few minutes late."


"The clocks changed, remember?"


"Shit."


You planted your face into your hand. Perhaps sensing you were stressed, your professor made an allowance and told you to have a seat so that you could hear the remaining information regarding your project. You had no idea there was a project but you made your way to your seat anyway.


"Now, in real life you don't always get to choose who you work with on projects so for this one I will be choosing your partners. If you decide to let your differences get in the way of your grade then that'll be on you." He said.


He started to list off the partners. Some people seemed happy about who they ended up with, some of them even waving at the other from across the room. Others gave a long sigh and you noticed some shake their heads or roll their eyes. Some had already predetermined that their partner would be difficult to work with or that they would end up doing ninety-five percent of the work. There were twenty five people in the class so one group got three people in it. Something told you that your professor was purposely trying to put people that didn't like each other together. It was a good exercise, he was right, in the real world you didn't always get to choose but sabotage against a grade was annoying to you.


"Y/N and Junmyeon. Ji-ah, Seo Yeon and Jongho."


Your eyes flashed to the professor when you heard that you and Junmyeon would be partners. You knew this would be a trial. Although he was friends with Minseok and his roommate, you two always butt heads. He pissed you off a lot and you figured he did it on purpose just to get under your skin. The two of you were always competing against each other but you wanted a good grade so you supposed you'd both have to get over it and work together. You looked around the room to find him and saw the back of his head two rows in front of you.


"For the remainder of the class, I'll let you discuss your schedules and what you want to work on for this project."


The class started to shift to get their groups together so they could talk. Junmyeon didn't even attempt to get up. You rolled your eyes and headed to where he was sitting. You stood before him with your backpack slung across your arm and your arms crossed. Junmyeon looked up at you with this smug face on.


"Do you even know what the project is about? You came in so late." He chastised.


You sighed and took the chair in front of him and turned it around so you could sit in it.


"Can you at least try and make this easy? I'd like to get a decent grade." You said.


"Are you kidding me? How can you say that when you weren't even responsible enough to show up to class on time?"


"That wasn't my fault my clock didn't reset itself."


You felt defensive with him coming at you like that. You had been distracted lately though. Ever since the break up and the way it happened you'd been plagued with memories you wanted gone and repetitive dreams of how the fight began. You could still kind of hear Siwon and Ryeowook telling you it was a bad idea to fall so deep for Heechul. Things couldn't be changed now, you tried to move on from it, you were even planning to move out once your lease was up. Still, you couldn't help the mistake and you were determined to pass this class with an A, you wouldn't accept anything less.


Oh god that phrase sounded all too familiar.


You felt sick just thinking it.


"All I know is you better put up your end of the work or I'll let the professor know you've been slacking off." He said.


"You can expect the same from me if you don't do the same."


He gave a smart scoff and rolled his eyes. He leaned forward so you could discuss the project with him. You two got to choose the subject but it was a presentation that was meant to teach the others, whether it was to inform them or teach them a skill. You two laid out a paper and brain stormed ideas on what you could do. He didn't seem to like your ideas and you weren't too into his ideas either. You sighed thinking this class would be so much better if Minseok was in it. Then you thought about something Minseok went through not too long ago.


"We can talk about depression." You suggested.


Junmyeon looked up at you almost ready to ask you if you were the one depressed. Then he stopped and sighed,


"Sure we can do that." He said.


"Okay. Um how do you want to do the work schedule?" You asked.


He mentioned he had an appointment that afternoon but that you could come over afterwards. You two could work more on how you would decide to meet up and where. He liked working more at home than at the library even though sometimes Minseok and Jongin, their other roommate, got a little loud. You were fine with meeting him at his place because you really didn't want him at yours. You didn't want anyone at your place for a while.


You went home to try and get a little bit of sleep before you had to go to Junmyeon's but you couldn't rest. You laid on the bed for about ten minutes with your eyes closed and in silence but you couldn't fall asleep. It was driving you crazy because you were exhausted. The sound of something crashing in your living room jump started your heart like an engine coming back to life. You popped up and walked out to see your siamese cat, Lady, jumping onto the couch trying to act like it wasn't her fault. You sighed but the crash reminded you of the fight.


"Go to hell!" You screamed at him.


You threw the decorative bowl that sat on your coffee table at his head. He ducked in time but it shattered against the wall and some of the broken pieces flew back at him. Your eyes were stinging from tears and your hands balled into fists. You used the back of your hands to wipe away tears but your vision was just as blurred. Heechul was annoyed that you'd throw something like that at him. He stalked his way over to you and grabbed you by the arms furious.


"Are you out of your mind!" He screamed.


"No but you are. I have been a good girlfriend. I didn't deserve that kind of betrayal."


You smacked him as hard as you could but as a reflex he'd hit you back harder and you fell to the ground. He was too angry to comprehend what he had done. You on the other hand were well reminded of situations from your past that had brought on similar abuse.


"Get out!" You screamed through tears.


Your blood rushed and tears hailed down your face, your were crying so hard you were nearly turning another color. Your eyes were near bloodshot but Heechul was too angry to even see what he did was wrong.


"Whatever."


He stormed out of the house and left you on the floor furious and broken.


By the time Siwon and Ryeowook had shown up to get his stuff, you were calm enough to talk to them but you had cried again in Siwon's arms. Siwon didn't approve of what Heechul did and from what you heard he'd stopped talking to him for a while. You weren't sure if they had made up yet but you wouldn't doubt it. Men forgave each other easier than women did.


You went over to Lady and picked her up,


"Lady, what have I told you, you have to be careful."


Lady meowed a response while your scratched the back of her ear.


"Go play you naught kitty."


You set her on the floor to go run off somewhere else and you got a broom and dust pan to clean up the glass. You slipped on your house shoes again to make sure a small bit of glass didn't get stuck in your feet. For extra measure you decided to vaccum the floor, before you knew it you were working on cleaning the house up. You did daily chores as needed but now it was like you were doing a thorough cleaning of your living room. You pulled the couch cushions off the sofa and noticed something silver laying there. You reached down and pulled on the chain and found the necklace Heechul used to wear. You sighed and placed it on the coffee table. You figured you could just mail it to Siwon and Ryeowook, they could give it too him. It did seem a little unfair to you to use them as the middle man but you figured this would be the last time.


All the pictures of you two were gone now, a whole electronic folder of pictures were thrown out and the ones you liked the most, you just had him photoshopped out of it. Moving on was hard but it wasn't the hardest part. With your terrible luck in relationships, forgetting the trauma was the hardest, at least Heechul wasn't the worst of it. You went to get your stuff together to head to Minseok's place, just as you opened the door, Heechul had showed up at the door. You stopped at the threshold and stared at him. He didn't make eye contact with you,


"I didn't come to fight-"


"Or apologize I assume." You finished.


He nodded with a look like he should've expected you to be difficult. You were more lenient when you two were dating. You wished you hadn't been that way, you wished you weren't that way with the others. Heechul still avoided eye contact with you but he continued,


"I was looking for something that was left here." He said.


"Your necklace is on the coffee table if that's what you're looking for. If there's anything else I suggest you look quick and keep my place in perfect order. Lock the door when you're through." You said.


You walked out the door and straight passed him,


"You'd better be long gone before I get back." You added.


You heard the door close behind you but you didn't even bother to turn back. You walked three blocks to get to Minseok's place and you checked your watch. You fixed it while you were on your way home from Uni. You were still early but since Minseok lived there you figured you could hang out with him for a little while. You knocked on the door when you showed up but a woman answered the door. You looked at her confused and looked at the numbers on the door. You'd been here many times before there's no way you got it wrong but you didn't know her.


"Can I help you?" She said.


That made you wonder if Minseok and his roommates moved and didn't tell you. Or maybe she was just screwing with you. She couldn't have been a girlfriend of Minseok or Jongin, someone would've said so.


"Um, I'm here to see Kim Junmyeon?" You said.


She chuckled,


"You don't seem so sure of that."


"That's because I'm not. Minseok and Jongdae still live here right?"


"I thought you said you were looking for Kim Junmyeon."


"I am but they're his roommates." You said.


You saw her smirk a little more. You started to think she was fucking with you. You knew you were at the right flat. You had to be, Minseok would've told you if he moved or if they got a new roommate.


"Seohyun don't forget this."


That was Junmyeon's voice. You saw him toss something to her and she caught it. He noticed you standing at the door and walked over. He didn't have a shirt on and what she caught was her panties. It reminded you of when you found that women's underwear under the bed and you confronted Heechul about it. You ignored the memories of the fight flashing to your mind as Junmyeon walked to the threshold of the door. You scoffed and said,


"Appointment." You realized what that meant now. "I should've know."


"Don't get all testy because I get some. Come in so we can get this project done with." He said.


You stepped in passing Seohyun who gave you a bit of side eye before she walked out the door. Junmyeon led you to his room and grabbed his computer chair and sat on it backwards to face you.


"You can sit on the bed if you like." He offered.


"After what you two just did? I'm good."


"What? All she did was give me a massage." He smirked.


"With her panties off?"


He grinned even more and couldn't stop himself from laughing. You sat on the ground at the foot of his bed instead and he shook his head. He grabbed his notebook and you two got to work coming up with a list of what was important to talk about for your presentation.


"I can find brain scans of a depressed person and a mentally healthy person." You said.


"Won't that make the argument a little too long? Can't you just put it in the paper?"


"I can but visual representation is good to have as well."


"But you'd have to explain all that fancy stuff, like cerebral cortex and coccyx."


"Coccyx is your tail bone Junnie not your brain."


He laughed,


"What did you just call me?"


You looked at him not knowing what was wrong. He wasn't annoyed by it though, he was more amused by the name.


"I'm older than you aren't you supposed to speak formally to me?" He said.


That might've been true but you didn't want to give him the satisfaction of confirming that. You simply rolled your eyes and asked him to focus on the project. He focused back on the work and a solid thirty minutes passed by before you got a text on your phone. You ignored the text, darkening your phone as you were writing. After a few minutes passed, another text came in, you ignored that one too but after another few minutes whoever was texting you wanted your attention and decided to call you. You sighed and set your stuff down to look at your phone but you didn't recognize the number. You answered it with an awkward,


"Hello?"


"Y/N, why are you ignoring my calls. You selfish girl what if something serious had happened!"


The gruff manic voice of your father attacked your ear and you looked at Junmyeon for a moment hoping he didn't see the panic in your eyes. You stood up and excused yourself before you stepped out of his room and walked into the kitchen to take the call. You spoke in a low voice.


"I'm sorry papa, I'm working on my midterm project. Um-how did you get this number?"


"Why do you keep changing it? Trying to avoid me!"


"No, of course not papa. It's just I had another bad break up-"


"Stop focusing on men and focus on your school work! This is why I have to stay on top of you so much. You trouble some girl. You're in college to get an education not fool around!"


His intense reprimanding voice brought out the little girl in you. Crying was not an option, not because Junmyeon was in the other room but because your father found it unacceptable. You were to be strong, smart and respectable as you were expected to.


He would accept nothing less.


"I'm coming to check on your progress. I'll be there next week. I expect all of your papers to be in order for me to review." He demanded.


"Yes papa."


"Goodbye." He said.


"Good-"


There was a click that let you know he'd hung up the phone. There was a mix between anger and sadness welling up inside of you. There wasn't much else you could do though since he was off the phone. You walked back into Junmyeon's room and saw him sitting properly in his computer chair. He looked up at you with his bushy brows furrowing.


"Are you done with the distractions?" He said.


"Junmyeon don't start. I had to answer it, it was my father." You bent down to pick up your books. "Anyway, I was thinking, since we agree that society's pressures can cause depression we should also talk about abuse, whether it's emotional, sexual, physical."


"Why would we bring that up?"


Junmyeon seemed agitated when you mentioned that. You slightly wondered why but you didn't ask you just answered.


"Well abuse can lead to PTSD. That trauma can cause depression. If we can mention abuse we can talk about how depression stems from other things and if left untreated properly could lead to fatal decisions."


"Isn't that a little complicated, those are multiple factors taking place to cause such a dramatic action."


"Well...I don't know, maybe we can make it simpler. It's like a chain reaction though. A cause and effect and I think if we can approach from more than one angle we could make a really great argument." You said.


Junmyeon let that sink in for a minute. His eyes seemed to be staring off into space. His thoughts were a thousand yards away and his lips pressed. You noticed the slight tremble of his hand and then Junmyeon seemed to come back into the room more aware of where he was and who he was with. He seemed solemn though. You tilted your head observing his face, wondering what was on his mind that made him zone out like that. It was only a moment but it seemed like it lasted almost five minutes.


"Yeah I guess we can mention that. Can we pick this up some other time I'm not feeling good." he said.


"Sure , I have to get back to feed the cat anyway. Do you know when you want to meet again?"


"I'll call you later but for now I need to lie down. "


"Okay."


You excused yourself but you couldn't help but think about how Junmyeon's attitude had changed. He seemed like he had crawled in a shell inside himself. You might've thought about it more if you didn't have your own problems to worry about. After all, you're father would be here next week....

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