Trauma Ch.3

Who: Reader x Kim Junmyeon

What: Angst, Romance, Smut

Story: You're just two trauma filled people trying to live normal lives... but trauma is a bitch


It was a week later and it was time for you to see your father. You wore a cream colored dress that was more girly than you were used to wearing with a thin brown belt around the waist. You wore short heeled brown boots to match with it. It was important to look well put together when your father showed up. He was very rough around the edges and he was probably the only man you were submissive too.

When you were a child, he was softer, kinder to you. Back then, your mother was still around. Once she was out of the picture everything that reminded him of her had to go. On some level, you felt like he wanted to give you up too, not only did you share her DNA but you also looked a lot like her. When your baby picture was held up to her people couldn't tell who was who. Your father used to love that and then suddenly it changed so dramatically. Most of his time was spent trying to mold you into a different person. You were eager to make him proud so you allowed him to mold you like clay into the image he desired. He lost touch with himself when your mother left and he stopped taking his medicine to control his moods. From that point on, your life was filled with trying to balance how to behave during his high and low periods.

You went to Uni for a business degree out of your own decision but he made it his business to make sure you were on top of your school work. There was so much you wanted to do including start a non profit organization for children in abusive homes. You would never call your home abusive though... at least not while your father was around. When he went through his manic episodes, he'd end up hitting you and most times you didn't deserve it. If it were simple discipline you might not be so frightened by him but there was a line, a very clear and obvious line between abuse and discipline. Somehow your father had blurred that line or perhaps because of his condition he couldn't really tell the difference. He was all the family you had left, you didn't really know what else to do. You didn't want to be separated from your father when you were young and, by the time you were old enough to really tell the difference between unnecessary roughness and a father's firm hand, you had already come up with enough excuses to deal with it. You had survived so far why not just deal with it?

He paid for your college tuition, part of it, so long as you kept your grades up which was why he did routine check ups, reviewing your grades, stopping by to see how you were holding the house up, he even tried to make sure you know how to address him when he came through the door. You sent Lady to Minseok's place for the night because you knew how your father would react to you having a pet. He'd be furious and ask you how you had time and money to pay for a pet while he was paying for half of your college fund. You supposed normal parents wouldn't raise such a row about it but your father wasn't a typical parent and you were well aware of that. You stayed home to clean up all day, this wasn't a visit it was an inspection. It was like having a headmaster stop by dorm rooms to make sure everyone was keeping up with the rules and cleaning their beds.

He'd check the kitchen, excuse himself to go to the bathroom and stop by to peer into your bedroom. The room you and Heechul used as office space, really a study room for you, he'd check on. Ever since Heechul stopped by to pick up his necklace and whatever else he left at your place you hadn't seen him and you were fine with that. Siwon was happy that you still wanted to see him and Ryeowook despite you orginally saying that you all shouldn't hang out. Once you had time to think things through you realized you really did miss them and if you didn't see Junmyeon that often then maybe you wouldn't see Heechul that often either. After all, Junmyeon lived with Minseok and it was rare you ever saw him at the house. You two mostly had classes together so Uni was really the only place you saw him the most and you two rarely talked aside from when you two decided to throw some banter out there at each other. It was only because of this recent project that you two even had to spend time with each other.

He was annoying you that day at starbucks because it was pretty obvious he was listening in on your conversation with Siwon. Not to mention, he intentionally bumped into you almost hoping to piss you off. When you first met him, you were gushing to Minseok about first meeting Heechul and how you two hit it off so well but then your conversation dipped into your destructive relationship with your father and how pursuing Heechul might be a reflection of how you pursue your father. Your choice of men did often reflect your relationship with your father. Those old memories began to stir within you, leaving you two talking about something serious just as Junmyeon seemed to stick his neck into the conversation. You didn't like that it seemed like he was trying to insert himself into your business but because it wasn't just Minseok's flat you didn't want to ask him to leave. Minseok seemed to not notice that you'd become uncomfortable with him around but he did change the subject pretty quickly which you were happy about. It seemed like where ever you were involved, Junmyeon had to insert himself into the mix and that just annoyed you. You half expected him to show up at his flat after the Starbucks run just so he could continue bothering you. Maybe try to insinuate even more that you and Siwon used to be a couple which wasn't even close to being true. From Minseok's update, he was dating a girl named Hwa Lee.

You partly wished you invited Eunha over tonight. She seemed to be a good buffer when your father was around. His mood might stay in check and there would be less risk of him hitting you. You wanted to get the night over with as soon as possible though. The faster you could make him happy with your progress the easier everything else would go bye. He would be in and out of the house in a flash and there would be nothing else to worry about.

You hoped.

You prepared bulgogi and japchae for dinner. They were both simple dishes and you knew your father would eat them both. On some level, you were almost excited to show him the progress you made in your studies but on a completely different level you were trembling inside. You even called Minseok earlier that day to ask him to help you calm down. He offered to come over but you refused, you didn't want to tell him that he made your father agitated. Your father lost his temper once, when you kids, in front of Minseok and hit you, Minseok wanted to tell but you begged him not to say a word. Your father had held you that night crying his apologies and asking you to forgive him, he didn't want anyone to take you away from him so you just agreed. There wasn't much you could do about it except keep them away from each other.

You were just finishing up with dinner when the doorbell rang. Unfortunately, some of the sauce had popped out of the pan and hit the skirt of your dress. You knew he'd eye ball it and make some sort of comment. You didn't have time to change either, especially if it was him, he expected you to come to the door at the first ring. You hurried and put the pot down and made your way to the door. You opened it up expecting your father and ready to use the appropriate greeting when you saw Junmyeon standing at the front step.


"Why the hell is your cat at my place?" He said annoyed.

He walked right past you into your flat and it took you a moment to recover from the shock that he knew where you lived.

"Why-what- what are you doing here Myeon?" You said crossing your arms.

He groaned and whipped around to see your face before flopping down on your couch.

"There you go again being informal again."

"Yah! What the hell are you doing here? How do you know where I live?"

"I asked Minseok, how do you think? Anyway, what's your little pussy doing at my place."

"Excuse me."

"The cat."

"No, I knew what you meant but it was a bit crude. Anyway, is that why you're here? You could've just called me or asked Minseok if you really wanted an answer." You said.

You were agitated, this was not the right time for Junmyeon to be showing up at your place. Actually when it came to him, there was never a right time but this was pretty much the worst time he could've picked. Did Minseok tell him that you were having company? He couldn't have known that Junmyeon was going to stop by otherwise he would've done everything to stop him because he knew exactly who was supposed to be coming through that door. You were baffled that this was even happening right now and you saw him looking at your folders on your table. They had all your current projects and final grades in them. He was flipping through pages before he gave a small little chuckle.

"What, are you having an interview here or something?" He mocked.

"Can you just tell me why you're here Junmyeon-ah? As I recall, I never actually invited you in but I'm being nice please don't make me be rude."

"That wouldn't be different than any other time now would it?"

"Junmyeon! "

You had about enough, you raised your voice and your hands shot down to your side. They balled into fists not because you were ready to fight but you were terrified that your father was going to show up while he was here. Junmyeon finally got the hint that you weren't in the mood to deal with his bullshit at the moment and he sighed,

"In truth, everyone's out of the house. I figured it might be an okay time to work on our project since I have nothing better to do."

"And you assumed I didn't have anything to do? You didn't even call as a warning or to ask."

"Oh come on, your life revolves around the same people and I already knew since Minseok and Eunha are doing something tonight that you were free."

You felt slightly insulted by that but you couldn't really argue against him because he wasn't actually wrong. You sighed and calmed your attitude but you still needed him gone.

"Look I have someone coming over tonight and I'd really rather you not be here when they show up."

"Oh, got a little date do we? No wonder your all dressed up like a cute little doll. What're the papers for? Did he request your resume?" He teased.

He laughed like he knew he was hilarious but you weren't even able to argue back with him. You were too anxious about your father showing up. You stalked over to Junmyeon upset and pulled him off of your couch.

"That's it, it's time for you to get out" you said.

"Okay okay, no need to push...geeze you're strong. Hey,"

He stopped by the door and cracked it open. He turned back to look at you with this smart grin on his face and said,

"Tell me who it is. Was it that Siwon guy at the Starbucks a week ago?"


You stopped halfway through when you caught something in your sight. You were now staring at the man you knew as your father and he was standing right behind him. Junmyeon turned to see who you were looking at and then laughed, he turned back at you.

"No wonder you didn't want anyone to be here. You're dating older guys? What you couldn't get someone you're own age to date you or did you just need a sugar daddy?"

You were too stunned by your father appearing while Junmyeon was there to react. Had it been anyone else standing behind him you would've had no problem wringing his neck. Junmyeon settled realizing you were tense and stepped aside so your father could walk up to the door. Your father coughed into a napkin and said,

"Well are you going to invite me in or not girl? I'm fighting a cold."

"Of course papa. Please come in, make yourself at home." You said.

You stepped aside for him to walk in, bowing your head as he did. Junmyeon realized his mistake and seemed more apologetic now. He whispered,

"Geeze that's your old man? My bad, I really thought it was a date."


His eyes lowered as if he was finally understanding that he screwed up. It also seemed like you hurt him a little if you were reading his expression correctly. His face seemed so solemn. You had half a mind to apologize but you were trying to refocus on your biggest issue standing in your living room. He was looking around observing the place like he usually did.

"The place is clean, that's good to see. Invite your guest in." He said.

"He's not a guest papa and he was just leaving."

"Invite him in child. I'd like to talk to this friend of yours."

"Papa-" you said ready to argue.

Your father gave you a glare that shook you inside out. It was the kind of glare that froze the room with you in it. You swallowed hard when you saw it. The little voice inside your head was telling you not to make him angry but you could only imagine how terrible this evening would be if Junmyeon stayed. You could only imagine what Junmyeon might see and that was enough to stir fear in your heart.


"Yes sir."

You turned to Junmyeon giving him a pleading look now. If he had just listened to you earlier you might've been able to sneak him out a different way you could've hid him in your room until your father made his way to the kitchen and then snuck him out. This night would've gone hundreds of times smoother if Junmyeon had just shut up and left when you asked. You could already feel the fresh sting of your father's heavy hand coming across your face. You couldn't cry around him. You couldn't let him see that, you just had to take it. How was this man your father? How did everything get so complicated?

"Junmyeon...please." you said softly.

You extended your hand in your home so that he would come back in. He looked from your worried defeated face and looked at your father. He straightened up with a smile that seemed sweeter than you were used to seeing. His eyes even smiled, it was almost unnerving because you were sure he was up to something. He placed his hands in his pockets and walked inside. You didn't have him or your father put on house shoes you just couldn't think at the moment. You walked in afterwards and you extended your hand out to your father.

"Thank you for visiting my home papa." You said.

He looked at you and shook your hand. His eyes fell to where you had the bulgogi sauce stain. He gave a sigh of disapproval.

"Seems you can't even dress properly for my arrival. Don't you know how to keep yourself clean?" He said

"I could change if you'd like."

"It doesn't matter now. Have you set the table yet?"

"Not yet papa."

"Go do that. I'll look over your work." He demanded.

You didn't argue as he took a seat on your couch and grabbed the folders you had set down for him to look through. You were quiet as you headed into the kitchen to pull out plates for you all to eat; you were actually glad you made a little more than expected this time. It was enough to feed all three of you. Junmyeon had followed you inside the kitchen and whispered,

"He's...tough company. I guess now I understand why you're the way you are."

You placed your hands on the counter. You had just about enough of his mouth already. If it wasn't for him, this evening would've started out smoother and you would've been having dinner with your father. Your hand started to shake as you felt both rage and panic. So many things could happen and you had to keep every tear that was threatening to escape your eyes exactly where they were.

do notDo. You. Understand. Me

"I'm sorry Y/N. I didn't mean to insult-"


You stopped yourself. You couldn't say your life depended on it. You didn't know if that were true or not. You knew your father would hurt you, he'd hit you, beat you and you'd just take it. He was the only one that you couldn't fight back against. You both hated and loved him and it was so twisted you couldn't breathe right when he was around. Everything had to be how he liked it, how he wanted it. He was the Sargent, you were the soldier and no screw ups were allowed.

do not

Junmyeon stepped closer to you. He looked behind him and then back to you. He said in a low voice.

"Why are you afraid of him?"

Tears tried to brim but you held it together. No one else outside of Minseok saw how hard you struggled with being around your father. No one else ever saw this kind of fear on your face. You balled your hands into fists so they wouldn't shake anymore. Junmyeon noticed and reached down to grab your hand. His eyebrows furrowed in confusion. He looked up at you with the same expression, he was staring you in the eyes and you gradually started to calm down. You didn't calm down because of him but he was starting to make you feel better. You weren't sure why though.

"I'll be on my best behavior Y/N. I promise." He said.

He was so genuine that it confused you. He kissed the back of your hand like he was sealing a deal.

"Thank you." you said.

"Young man, come here." Your father called from the other room.

"You better go, he's not a patient man." You said.

He nodded and excused himself. You felt oddly like you could trust him even if it was just for tonight. It was a change of pace considering how you always viewed him as a bother. While he was talking to your father, you set the table the way you knew it was meant to be set. It took your father and Junmyeon a few minutes to talk and you were finished setting the table and even putting their portions on their plates. You didn't know whether or not you should come out but you knew it was time to tell them to come eat. You took a chance and stood by the door way to the kitchen. Your hands clasped together in front of you and you stood with your legs pressed together and your back straight. You spoke in a soft almost childish voice, like you were a five year old little girl trying to break up a conversation to ask for ice cream.

"The table is set for dinner, if you're all ready to eat." You said.

Junmyeon and your father looked to you just as they were walking back down the hall towards the kitchen. Your father must've taken Junmyeon with him during his home inspection. There was a look on Junmyeon's face that you couldn't place. You had no idea what it was saying but it didn't reveal what happened during their conversation. Junmyeon stood up with your father and they both headed for the kitchen table. You caught Junmyeon's wrist the last minute and looked up at him scared. He gave you a soft smile and touched your cheek. For the first time since you two met, it actually seemed like he cared. You didn't even know he knew how to be gentle. He had changed his manners so quickly, acting was his strong suit.

Junmyeon took his seat and you took yours next to your father. All three of you blessed your food before you started to eat. Your father started speaking first.

"Your home is well put, there good order." he said.

"Thank you papa."

"I noticed you got a B in your finances class. You couldn't do any better?"

"I was under a lot of stress that semester papa."

"Were you seeing that boy at the time?"

"Yes papa."

"This is why I keep telling you that you don't need distractions. If you're going into business you need to be better at finances than everyone else." He said.

"I passed the class papa, I will still get my degree."

He scoffed,

"Dont be so stupid. It's more than just getting a degree Y/N. If you're going be worth half the effort I went through to get you in proper order you need to excel at everything. B's aren't going to cut it. Not when there's someone else out there doing better than you."

Your eyes shifted to Junmyeon. Junmyeon always liked to act like he was smarter than you. That annoyed you, you were starting to understand why you two were always at odds, at the very least why you had such a problem with him. You hated that he would always purposely annoy you and you hated even more that he had to prove he was smarter than you. You tried your hardest to be the best at what you did. It was what your father expected of you. He wouldn't settle for anything less. That's what pissed you off about Junmyeon, no matter how hard you tried it was almost like he was an agent of your father, there to remind you that you weren't enough.

"Well, now that she's single and she has another financial class to take she should be much better. As long as she has the knowledge, she doesn't need to know everything, right? She can just pay someone to do that" Junmyeon smiled at you.

"Someone that's better at it than her?" your father asked.

"Well now, Y/N's much too smart to hire someone smarter than her."

"The people she'll have working under her must have grade school knowledge then. You'll never last if you're not at the top." Your father said.

"Do you truly believe you daughter is that useless? That she's that stupid?"

Junmyeon sounded baffled by your father's words but they were nothing new to you. He was always this harsh. You thought it was his way of tough love. His way to make you better was to make it seem like you weren't enough, that you had to try harder. You had to be better than everyone else.

"My daughter was foolish enough to let her affection for someone else screw with her grades. I'd hate to see that same foolishness follow her into the real world where she holds other lives in the palm of her hand. I will not raise a destructive daughter."

"You mean like Mom was?" You whispered.

Even though it was under your breath, he heard you anyway. He stood up and hovered over you fuming. There it was, he'd lost his temper.

"What did you say?"


"You pathetic girl!"

He pushed you so hard you fell out of your chair and onto the floor. Flashes of when you were a child trying to hide from him during these rages raced through your mind. Your body reacted by trying to scurry away and huddle. You couldn't be bothered with how pathetic you might've looked in front of Junmyeon.

"How dare you bring that woman up!"

He followed you and grabbed your wrist to pull them away from your face.

"I'm sorry papa!" You cried.


"That's enough!" Junmyeon yelled.

Your father looked back at him and you covered your face in the corner of the kitchen trying your hardest not to sob.

"Don't you dare put your hands on her again." He demanded.



"That's an unfortunate fact for the both of us it would seem."

Your father stormed off and you heard the door slam shut. Junmyeon made his way over to you. He placed his hand on yours and you jumped just out of reflexes. Junmyeon stopped and stared at you, your face was tear stained and your eyes were red. The tears wouldn't stop now that your father was gone, you were sobbing hard and uncontrollably. Junmyeon looked hurt just having to see you this way.

"Come on, let me help you up." He said gently.

You finally took his hand and he helped you up off the floor. He took you out of the kitchen and sat you on the couch. Now that your father was gone, the tense atmosphere was starting to dissipate but you were still in pain. Your cheek ached and it only reminded you of how you and Heechul broke up. Did you make a slight allowance for him because you were used to this kind of treatment?

Junmyeon left your side to go back in the kitchen and after a few moments he returned with a small bag of ice covered in a paper towel. He placed it where your father had smacked you. He tried to be gentle with your bruising face even when you winced. You flinched more because it was cold than because it hurt. You looked down at your hands while he treated you.

"I'm sorry." Junmyeon said softly.

"It's not your fault it's mine. I shouldn't have mentioned my mother."

"You can't take the blame for his actions. It'll drive you crazy, trust me." He said.

You reached up to take the ice from his hand and held it on your face. Junmyeon reached for your free hand and laid his on top of yours. Your eyes hung low and sad. They were soft and filled with pain, silent tears rolled down your cheek as you stared back at him. Junmyeon reached up to your face to brush the tears gently off your face.

"Why don't you come back to my place?" He said.


"I don't think you should be alone right now and as you remember we've got your annoying cat over there. Besides, I have beer."

He smiled at his own joke but he was right. You didn't want to be alone and you did want to see Lady again. You nodded and stood up with him. You placed the ice pack on the table. You didn't care if it melted there. Junmyeon held your hand and led you out of the house to head to his flat....

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