Trauma Ch.4

Who: Reader x Kim Junmyeon

What: Angst, Romance, Smut

Story: You're just two trauma filled people trying to live normal lives... but trauma is a bitch


Junmyeon's POV


so incapable of understanding he wasn't wanted somewhere


hate


Actually, if he was thinking about it hard enough, he was perfectly aware of the fact that there were people out there that came from dysfunctional families. Families with issues, pain, abuse. After all, his own father was planning on killing him.


Junmyeon sat Y/N down on his couch and he brought the cat out in her cage. She took her out and sat her on her lap while Junmyeon retrieved the beers from the kitchen. She looked up at him seeing the beers and smiled softly. He sat down next to her and said,


"What?"


"I didn't think you were serious about the beers."


"Oh I never joke about beer."


He smiled big at her and opened her bottle then handed it too her. He didn't know if she was a beer drinker or not but when he saw her take that first gulp he could tell that it was hitting her just right. She wanted to forget what happened tonight. She may not be a drinker but she needed the drink.


"Slow down a little. I need to catch up" he said.


"I have a feeling your temperament is better than mine when under the influence."


"Have you ever been drunk before?" He asked.


"A few times. Some times weren't as bad as others." She said.


She sighed and relaxed deeper into the couch. He watched her hand pet her cat while she drank from her beer with the other. Junmyeon joined in and sat in the silence with her. He wasn't sure what to talk to her about. He doubted she'd want to discuss what just happened at her place. He wanted to kick himself for not noticing that she was afraid earlier. He was upset at himself for not reacting fast enough, the shock just took over his body. Before he knew it, he had finished his beer and when he looked over at her, she'd finished before him. She was touching her face where she was hit, he could tell from the look in her eyes she was reliving it.


"I think we're going to need something stronger than beer." He said as he got up.


She reached out for him and said,


"We didn't eat much, drinking too much could cause a lot of problems."


"I'll order out, although, your food tastes way better than take out. I may have to start dropping by during dinner. "


She rolled her eyes but she didn't say no. Even though he was just joking, he was tempted to try anyway. After all, they still had a project to work on, maybe they would end up eating together anyway. He shook his head as he grabbed the bottle of apple soju out of the refrigerator and grabbed the shot glasses. He ordered take out from an app on his phone and poured the shots for him and her. She was quick to throw the shot back leaving Junmyeon wide eyed.


"You're a better drinker than most girls I know." He laughed.


"I've had my practice, believe me."


She wiped the side of her mouth with her wrist then pushed the shot glass over to him. Junmyeon looked at her with a cocked eye. He took his shot before he poured her one and then refilled both of their cups. By the time she finished that shot, she was fanning herself. Junmyeon laughed,


"You're hot already?"


"Hey, alcohol tends to spike up my temperature. You're telling me you're not hot?"


He shook his head,


"I don't feel it yet."


"You will."


He laughed as he stood up to go and lower the temperature in the room. Her body temperature would only rise and his would too as he drank. He figured this trick out a long time ago. The more he drank, the hotter he got and the more clothes he'd strip off. He then found himself under a blanket in his room freezing in the morning. It kept him comfortable while he drank, it was the waking up part that was a bitch. The doorbell rang and he answered it to get the food. He watched as she slipped her cat back into the cage and whispered to her,


"Be good Lady."


She was calmer but she was tipsy he could tell. She started pouring another shot and Junmyeon hurried over to stop her from drinking it.


"Hold on you lush. Let's get some food in you first. You know, to absorb that."


She chuckled but placed her hand on her face like she was embarrassed. Anguish washed over her face for a second and she started to pick at the containers that held her food. Junmyeon took a moment to get himself settled. He started wondering if bringing alcohol in the mix was a wise decision. She suddenly looked over at him and said,


"Why did you help me?"


"You can't think I'm that heartless can you? Any decent person would step in."


"I didn't know you had one." she smirked.


She went ahead and took another shot. The alcohol was getting to her more now than before. He could see a glaze over her eyes like she wasn't really there. She blinked hard, something he recognized in other women he drank with. She had a few shots and a beer, she wasn't a light weight but she didn't seem to have a very high tolerance either. She covered her mouth and burped or hiccuped, maybe both, he wasn't entirely sure. She giggled though and said,


"You didn't have to bring me here though. You didn't have to- be nice... So why did you?" She asked.


"Well I couldn't just leave you there like that. What's the deal with your father anyway? He's- well he's abusive, why are you putting up with it?" He asked.


"Oh that's a boring story. Someone like you wouldn't care to hear it."


She said it sarcastically but Junmyeon knew that was really how she felt about him. She relaxed deeper into the couch with her eyes closing; she smiled even though it was clear to him that she was hurting. He regretted ever giving her a hard time. He clearly knew nothing about her and even if she did get on his nerves sometimes, he wasn't okay with seeing her submit to her father like that. She was tough around everyone else, why couldn't she stand up to him?


wouldn't


Junmyeon was seven when everything with his family happened. He hated his father now, the rage that grew in him towards that man only built the older he got. He was sure if his father was still alive he would rage against him so much so that he'd kill him almost on sight. Y/N held her own against everyone else though. Why just her father? It was a mystery he didn't want to wait to find out, as long as she was drunk she might be more willing to tell him.


"What makes you think I don't want to hear it?" He asked her.


Her eyes opened up and she turned her head to look at him. She twisted her lips in an odd fashion and then bit the corner for a second. She then sat up poured herself one more shot and threw it back. Junmyeon looked at her oddly, she really needed another shot to tell the story? How bad was this story?


"Hey, I'm not that pathetic, I just don't actually want to remember this evening in the morning." She said.


She fixed herself on the couch to face him more and said,


"Okay, so my sad little story begins... not so sad actually. My father used to be really gentle with me, he was a good guy. In a lot of ways, he was just a normal papa."


"So what changed?"


She released a heavy sigh.


"My mother did actually."


She stopped for a moment, there was a half smile on her face but her eyes did that gaze like she was zoning out. Her mind was still there but she was staring 40 yards ahead of her. She wasn't looking at Junmyeon she was just...staring at space. Or perhaps the memories that were playing in her mind like a movie. He knew how that felt.


"When I was ten, my mother walked out on us. We never got a reason why. My dad has bipolar disorder so when she left him, he flew off the handle in a very big way. He wasn't consistent with taking his medications anymore. At some point, I think he just stopped so his moods were always erratic; he would be in a euphoria one moment then a month later he'd be angry or depressed. He threw everything out that belonged to her. He burned the sheets they shared and destroyed the furniture she picked out. He even threw out items she bought me. I loved my papa so much that if he was that angry at my mom then it made sense for me to be that angry at her too. So, I didn't really care that he threw that stuff out. He got rid of almost half my wardrobe though, it took him almost two months to replace the ones he threw away."


"When did he become abusive?" Junmyeon asked.


She looked up at him like she was hurt he was calling her father's actions abusive. He could also see on her face that she knew she couldn't argue that he was abusive. She said,


"Almost immediately...My father loved my mother very much and when she left us without a warning it put him in a bad place. She was his reason for being, she accepted him so when she left him without a reason it destroyed him. I did my best to not need her, to not whine but I missed her. I was angry at her for all the pain she put us through but I really wanted my mother. That was a trigger enough for him to get angry. I cried for my mom and he just went off. He screamed and threw things at me and then he hit me. He came to apologize to me and begged me to keep it a secret. He told me that he couldn't lose me too. Someone would take me away from him and he would die without me."


"Y/N that's manipulation and it's dangerous." Junmyeon said concerned.


She looked up at him with tears resurfacing and brimming her eyes. She swallowed hard as a tear escaped and ran down her cheek.


"I look like my mom," She confessed.


"It took me a while to realize that's what he hated about me the most. He didn't want me to be like her. He wanted to remold me. It's so confusing and so fucked up because-" she sniffled and wiped her tears but more ran down to replace them "I lived with someone that loved and hated me at the same time. So when he flew in a rage...even if it wasn't because of something I did, I was the target. I don't know what was worse, when I was the one that screwed up or when it happened for no reason."


"I don't understand, why do you keep letting him into your house?"


She gave a weak smile. Her eyes looked like a water falland red blush rand from cheek to cheek across the bridge of her nose.


"He's my father." She said.


That didn't seem like a good enough reason to him but to her it made sense. It was clear she was struggling with her feelings for him as well. She loved him and probably hated him too. Junmyeon wouldn't blame her for hating him. However, he didn't think she should keep allowing herself to be subjected to that kind of abuse. He saw how quickly her father reacted just because she mentioned her mother he couldn't imagine the beatings he gave her years before. He felt sick to his stomach but she chuckled clearly drunk. Her breathing skipped and hitched like a child that had been crying furiously and was told to calm down or face a harsher punishment. Her hands worked to clear he face like it was important for her to not show such a weak side of herself.


"Did no one else know about this?" Junmyeon asked.


"Minseok did."


He shouldn't have been surprised by that but he was. He didn't see Minseok staying quiet while something like that happened to her. He was annoyingly protective of her. Now that he realized that, maybe that's why he was asking him to be kind to her while they worked on their project together.


She always seemed like the type of girl with a normal up bringing. She was a good student, she had her friends and she didn't seem to have any problems. When she suggested doing their project on depression he assumed it was because of what Minseok went through, maybe it was or maybe it was also connected to her. When she mentioned PTSD connecting to depression, all he could focus on was his trauma. He never would've suspected that she knew what real trauma was. She was a full grown adult and she was still being abused by her father because her father hated her mother. To Junmyeon, it seemed like he hated her too.


When Junmyeon spoke with Y/N's father, he didn't seem like the warm welcoming father he expected her to have. He thought that had more to do with his comments to her when he arrived than it did with her father. As they talked, he asked questions about how well they knew each other and how she behaved in her classes. Her father was using Junmyeon as an informant almost as if he was hoping to catch her in a lie later. He was annoyed with her for getting a B but to Junmyeon that didn't make sense. It seemed like he just wanted a reason to go off. Though her father may actually have bipolar disorder, Junmyeon was sure he was treating Y/N that way of his own sound mind. It wasn't his disorder that made him this wicked towards her it was his own hatred of her mother, the person she looked like, the root of his pain and the one he actually hated, that made him treat her that way.


It occurred to Junmyeon that perhaps her father couldn't separate the two of them. When he saw Y/N, it was possible all he was saw his estranged wife despite knowing she was his daughter. The face that kept looking back at him with big sad eyes, almost like an injured puppy belonged to his daughter but triggered his hate for his former wife. It was up to her father to recognize that he was the problem not Y/N. Junmyeon was starting to understand a little bit that Y/N was desperate to have a parent. She loved her father so she convinced herself to make allowances for his behavior. She blamed his disorder and kept up the role as the daughter that did her best to make her father proud.


"That's why he doesn't like Minseok," She said.

"I guess he always figured he'd tell someone what he was doing and then I'd be taken away."


"And then he couldn't beat on you any more."


"Myeon." She sighed.


"No, Y/N that's not okay don't let it be okay. He may be your father but he knows what he's doing and he's doing it on purpose."


Junmyeon came closer to her and cupped her face. He made her look him in the eye,


"He knows he has control over you. That's why he's does this. If you keep letting him do this he might kill you, do you understand? "


"No, he won't. He wouldn't."


"He may not on purpose but he could hit you and you could fall the wrong way and die. No one should be putting their hands on you. No one."


"No, he always apologizes,"


She was starting to slur her words but tears still spilled over from her eyes. Junmyeon felt hurt just having to talk to her about this. She didn't seem to be hearing him, she was too drunk to really let it all sink in. She smiled despite her eyes being closed, she touched Junmyeon's face and said,


"He's my dad. He's all I have."


He couldn't relate. When his grandparents took him; they were kind and gentle. They worried about him and tried to make sure that he was okay. They loved him and were tender with his emotions. They made sure they did everything they could to help him work through his trauma. He still wasn't really okay but he was better than he was before. He actually wanted to help her.


Her body started to go limp and he realized that she fell asleep. He carried her to his room and laid her on the bed. He would try and stay in Minseok's room for the night. He was sure Minseok wouldn't mind, he would be able to keep an eye on him. At least now, he understood his guardian nature towards her.


It was a little past midnight when Minseok and Jongin came back in. Junmyeon had to shush them before he explained that she got drunk and fell asleep. Minseok immediately could tell there was more to the story than that but Jongin shrugged it off and mentioned that it seemed like they had fun. He walked off to go get into bed and when Misneok was sure Jongin wasn't in ear shot anymore he asked for the non abridged version. After he explained everything, Minseok shook his head upset.


"I wish she'd just let me turn him in." He seethed.


"She's very attached to him."


"Of course she is, he's her father. She's so scared to get rid of him because if she does then she'll have no one left. He is all the family she has." Minseok said.


"What about the run away mother? Do you think they could make it up?"


Minseok looked at him like he was crazy.


"She hasn't heard a word from her mother since she was ten, after all she's been through, who'd you forgive her?"


would


"Of course there is because you two are different people. She's not really a fighter."


"She doesn't have grandparents?"


"She's never mentioned them. I don't even know if she knows them. I doubt it honestly. This is why I asked you to be careful with her Junmyeon. Things would've gone smoothly if you didn't barge in like that."


your


Though Junmyeon was referring to Y/N's father he partly knew his own problems were seeping out. This whole situation was bringing up bad memories for him. They didn't have the same background but they shared pain, a pain that he was sure Minseok couldn't share with her. If he could convince her to stop seeing her father, to keep him out of the house, would she?


"She doesn't listen to me. She won't listen to anyone. As long as she does what he says, he'll pay for her college she uses that as justification, if not that she thinks if he apologizes he actually means it."


"I talked with him he's got this-- I don't know obsession with her. He needs to have control over her. She's using his mental health as an excuse but that doesn't cut it Minseok, that man is perfectly capable of understanding that what he is doing is wrong." He argued.


"Y/N's capable of understanding that too. I'm not condoning what's happening Junmyeon, by no means is this okay-"


ass


Junmyeon was utterly frustrated about this situation. His grandparents were his support system. Minseok was the closet thing she had to a support system so why was he just letting her go on like this? Minseok was frustrated himself. A lot of guilt flashed through his face even as he huffed.


"I've seen him hit her Junmyeon. I know how bad it is but unless she's willing to speak up about it there's nothing police can or will do."


"Okay but as her best friend you should know that you have the power to convince her that she can speak up. You can talk to her and convince her into reporting him. "


"I talk to her. All I do is talk to her but she won't listen. I'll try again tomorrow. " Minseok said.


Minseok walked down the hallway to his room. Junmyeon took a moment to peer into his too see if she was still asleep. She was out cold. He wanted to try talking to her too. Since they both experienced traumatic events in their past maybe he could help her with the issue. Or at least he could tell her that her father's behavior wasn't worth excusing. There was a simple doubt in his mind, if she didn't even listen to her best friend why would she listen to him? Someone he was sure she wasn't too fond of.


He could only try.


The next morning came and Y/N walked out of Junmyeon's room looking confused. She covered her mouth as she yawned and then made a face like she could smell her own morning breath. She probably did, Junmyeon resisted his normal urge to tease her about it and walked over to her.


"How are you feeling?" He asked


"Um...I don't know. How did I fall asleep in your bed?"


Junmyeon chuckled.


"Don't worry I didn't touch. I laid you down in there and I slept in Minseok's room with him."


"Oh," she seemed surprised that he did something so generous. "Thank you."


He chuckled,


"Well you dont have to seem so surprised by it."


"I just didn't expect you to do something so nice. I just hope I didn't get any disease from sleeping in your bed."


"Aish you're such a pain in the ass!"


She laughed at him. He was being playful when he said it but then he started to wonder if he may have hurt her. He wondered how much his words stung her. He was careless when he spoke with her because he assumed he knew what kind of person she was. She was guilty of being just as careless with him but they were both pretending. They both wanted to be normal, so they could play the role of a typical person despite childhood trauma. Junmyeon cleared his throat,


"Listen, about last night,"


"Oh Junmyeon I don't want to talk about that."


"I think it's important that we do."


"You don't know what's going on."


"Except that you told me what was going on last night. Look, it may be uncomfortable for you to talk about but it's something that really needs to be addressed."


"Even if I did tell you, what do you know about what I'm going through. I mean really Junmyeon, you're the one that acts like you have this perfect life and that everything life is gold."


"Trust me Y/N, everything that glitters isn't gold. I can understand what you're going through because I my father tried to kill me."


She stopped putting up a front and stared at him with wide eyes. The confession didn't just throw her off but she was baffled by exactly what he confessed and he could tell. The police had shown him pity and his grandparents expressed grief, everyone said they couldn't believe someone would do what he did to his own wife and plan what he planned for his own son but in the end, those were the cold hard facts.


"I'll tell you my story since you told me yours. That'll make us even, yeah?" He said.


She still looked shocked but she nodded yes.

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