Who: Reader x Kim Junmyeon
What: Angst, Romance, Smut
Story: You're just two trauma filled people trying to live normal lives... but trauma is a bitch
You and Junmyeon walked out of your communications class excited about the grade you received. You were also notified that you two got the highest grade in the class. The professor said, he found that you two could work well with each other and provided a good amount of information and a strong argument in both your written paper and your presentation. You felt like you were walking on a cloud you were so happy. You were laughing with Junmyeon as you stepped out of class and said,
"I can't wait to show pa-" you stopped yourself.
Whenever you got a really good grade you were excited to show it to your father. You could hear him in your head telling you how great of a daughter you were and that you were only going to make him proud so long as you kept up that effort. No matter how often the bad moments, there were good ones with your father and you were happiest when you felt he was proud of you. Still, your father's last words to you came to your mind as you thought about the fact that he couldn't separate you from your mother in his mind. In truth, he didn't love you enough. That hurt you to the core and you did everything you could to ignore that pain and shield yourself from it.
Junmyeon was able to pick up on something being wrong with you. Minseok confirmed it as well when he asked you if you were alright some times. They had a more compassionate concern for you than just checking to make sure you were doing well. You thought you were hiding it well enough but with that recent slip up, Junmyeon had caught you red handed in how you were feeling. He stopped you by grabbing your hand and getting you to turn and face him.
"What's going on inside that head of yours?" He asked.
Junmyeon had a grin like his old sarcastic remarks were going to come back but he didn't say anything. He hugged you instead and asked you if you regretted seeing your father while he was being held. As far as you were aware, he finally took your offer but he kept away from you. It was for the best but deep down you never truly wanted to push your father out of your life. In the end, it was him who pushed himself out. You couldn't make excuses for him anymore.
"So much has happened in such a short amount of time. From dating you, to finding out where my mother had been all this time and my father trying to kill me and going to jail then telling me he doesn't love me. So much to ruin my life has happened, sometimes I just- I just wish it was the way it used to be." You confessed.
"I get it, it's hard to accept what you father said to you. Still, you can move on with your life without worrying about being abused. Isn't that a good thing?"
"I've just lived so long thinking my father chose me. I always believed he loved me so to hear him say what he said- it was like hearing my mother confess that she chose her own pain over me.... It feels like some strong force is pushing their weight down on my heart, like its trying to test how much pain I can take. I guess deep down I'm always wondering if this blissful happiness is going to be taken away."
"Is that why you were so hesitant on telling me how you felt?"
"I was afraid that if I admitted how I felt about you than you would break my heart. I just felt like it was inevitable and I didn't think I could take anymore of that kind of pain. It feels like I'm one step away from breaking sometimes."
He kissed you gently, swiping your lips up in a divine caress. His hand sweetly lifting your chin so he could get a better angle. You felt his smile on your lips and your own smile grew. When he pulled away, you looked him in the eyes with a brilliant smile. He chuckled and cupped your face with both his hands.
"You're too cute." He revelled.
"I love you. If you break, I'll put you back together but before that happens I'm going to do everything in my power to keep you from falling apart. If I fail to protect you, you at least know Minseok has your back."
"I just want you to know, even if your parents didn't chose you. I love you. I chose you."
Your grin grew even larger and you placed your hands on his chest playfully.
"I know and I'm so happy you did!"
He laughed and you two walked down the hallway together before you had to split up. Junmyeon had work after class and you wanted to study for an up coming test for your late night class. You were on your way to the library when Seohyun saw you and stepped up to you. She looked like she detested you even more now than she did before. She didn't seem like the type that was so in love with Junmyeon to begin with. To you, she was more like a woman that wanted to make a conquest and couldn't stand her efforts being thwarted. You had tried not to think about the night Junmyeon got drunk. You didn't want to drive yourself crazy with the possibility of what may have happened. Besides, Junmyeon said so himself that he chose you. He loved you so there was nothing Seohyun could say or do that would break you two up...you hoped.
"Look at the little princess, walking around as if she were blessing the commoners with her presence." She mocked.
"You're the only one in all of Uni that believes any of that Seohyun."
"Are you sure about that? Minseok seems to believe you're so innocent," she reached out to flick a piece of your hair like it was a nasty bug, " you're nothing but a leech."
"I think between the two of us you're the real blood sucker."
She gave you a nasty grin but she clearly didn't like the fact that you weren't very moved by her insults. She hated you more than you thought possible for any one person to hate a human being. You wondered if this really had anything to do with Junmyeon. It couldn't be just because he chose her could it? Seohyun walked up closer to her, her long legs gave her a slight height advantage over you and perhaps she got close in hopes of intimidating you but you dealt with your father who was far more scary when he was having a manic episode. Compared to him, Seohyun was the littlest fish in the pond. She turned her nose up to you and spoke down at you as she said,
"You remind me of the story of the fox king. You know how he tricked the tiger into walking behind him and making all the other animals scared. The tiger believed the fox was really King but I was all a farce," she leaned closer to you and said,
"But he was just a lying little weakling. You think just because you've got a crew behind you that you're untouchable but I'll show you who the real royal is here. Get ready to watch your little happy kingdom fall apart princess."
She had this large evil grin like she just knew this threat would get to you. You looked her straight in the eyes and said,
You walked past her but stopped and turned to her after a few steps,
"By the way, if I really am the fox and you're the tiger in that analogy, doesn't that mean I'm still smarter than you?"
You chuckled when you saw her eye twitch and her hands ball into fists. You made your way to the library to study and after you took your test in class later on that evening you stopped by starbucks to get a coffee. You sat down in the store so you could catch up on some news on your phone. You had actually texted Junmyeon to see if he wanted to come over to your place later on that night when he got off of work. While you were waiting for an answer and immersed in news stories, someone had seen you in the store and walked over to your table.
"Mind if I join you?" A woman's voice came from the front of the table.
You looked up from your phone in shock,
She gave a weak smile but she looked better now than she did when you and Junmyeon met her again.
"Can I have a seat?" She asked.
"Well it's public seating I don't see why not."
She pulled out the chair in front of you and she sat down. You two stared at each other in awkwardness. You were wondering what she was doing here. Her hair was up in a ponytail except for a few strands in the front that framed her face. She wore a lavender turtleneck sweater and a tan velvet pencil skirt. She looked girlish even though her face showed signs of aging. She pulled the loose strand behind her ear and chuckled nervously,
"I should've taken better care of myself, maybe I'd look better than this."
You stayed silent, you didn't really know what to say. Your phone buzzed on the table letting you know that you had recieved a text message, probably from Junmyeon. You stayed staring at her.
"Aren't you going to answer that?" She asked.
"It's a text message, the message will still be there."
She nodded but looked disappointed in your demeanor towards her. Your heart hurt sitting in front her like this. You never wanted to be on opposite ends of your mother. You wanted her to love you and hug you. As a child, you always imagined what it would be like if she came back home, you hoped that she would embrace you and tell you that she had to go away for some crazy important reason. Since you were a child, you might've accepted any feeble reason as to why she disappeared. You were still having problems with accepting the real reason why she left you and your father.
"Well it's great that you know and understand that but what are you doing here?"
"I want a chance. You said that as long as I didn't recognize my mistakes that we would never be a family again-"
"So what you just think showing up in Seoul and apologizing is going to make everything better?"
"I still can't wrap my head around the reason you left. "
"I know Y/N please just hear me out." She begged.
You calmed yourself with a soft sigh and leaned back in your chair to look at her. You two really did look alike she was just older, more worn and you wondered if holding on to your own bitterness would result in you looking the same. Where you really staring at the reflection of your future self or could everything change? Your father wanted nothing to do with you anymore but your mother wanted to repair the broken bridge. Your heart was reluctant, it was scared of extending the olive branch. At anytime, your whole world could fall down. Seohyun didn't even have to lift a finger, all she'd have to do was wait and watch....Or.... you could give your mother a chance. The chance you had always hoped for and let her work her way back in.
"Fine." You said.
"I don't know what I have to do for you to let me back into your life but I want to try. Not because you guilt tripped me or to clear my conscious but because you are my daughter. I want you to have family."
"I do have family. Minseok and Jongin, Eunha, Junmyeon and my other friends. They're my family."
"They're not your blood."
"Yeah well that wasn't enough last time was it?" You snapped her.
You sighed to calm down again. You were trying but you were angry. She hung her head, she knew you were pissed and she knew you had every right to be. She was at least trying though. You were trying to reason in your head to give her a chance but you were scared. When you were intent on finding her to get answers for why she left, there was a small slither of hope that her excuse would be good enough so that you two could work on building a relationship. She was the only blood relative that you had left.
"I brought this for you." She said.
She pulled out a small locket in the shape of a seashell. It was gold and well kept but you remembered it from when you were a kid. That one time you accompanied Haejin and your mother out on the town. You couldn't remember how you got it but you remembered your mom showing you how to put the pictures inside the locket. She had placed it on the table and you reached out to grab it. You opened it to see your baby picture on one side and your mother on the other side. You were supposed to have matching lockets but your father threw yours away.
"You took this with you when you left?" You asked.
"But you said that taking me would remind you of everything you left. Why would you take this with you?"
"Because despite everything- I did love you very much and while taking you with me would've been a reminder of the life I was trying to leave behind- you were still my daughter. It was my only way of keeping a piece of you without placing you in the middle of a war with your father and me." She said.
You looked up at her trying not to cry. You felt like her taking the locket with her meant something. She still left you but she didn't completely forsake you as her daughter. The necklace meant there was hope, at least to you, there was something that could be built.
"I- I need some time but-,"
Your phone buzzed and you were about to ignore it when you realized it was a phone call instead of a text this time. The number wasn't familiar. You usually didn't answer unknown numbers but it had caught your attention anyway. You picked it up to answer it and said,
"This is her?"
"This is officer Yong with Seoul City police department, we need you to come down to the station as soon as possible." He said
"The police station? Why?"
"I believe the matter is something that should be discussed in person. Please get here immediately."
"Al-alright. I'm on my way."
You hung up the phone and stood up. You gathered your things but your mother stood up with you worried.
"Is everything alright?"
"I'm not sure. They want me down at the police station." You said.
"I'll go with you."
You didn't even refuse. You hurried to the police station by cab with your mother. You met Officer Yong who led you down to the morgue and asked you to identify a body for them just as a formality. He told you that their parole officer went to go see Inho at his home for their first meeting. He never showed up to the meeting so they made a house call but when they got in the house they found him dead. You didn't believe your father would do such a thing. There was no way your father would kill himself but when you got down to the morgue to confirm the body you broke down in heavy tears. You tried to run over to the table he laid on.
"No! Papa!" You screamed.
Your mother grabbed a hold of you. Officer Yong tried to have the coroner cover the body. He tried to help your mother take you back to the main hall. You dropped to your knees in tears. Your body was shaking,
"How- did this happen?" You cried.
"There were cuts to his wrist but we haven't found a suicide note." The officer said.
"My ex husband was bipolar, he experienced manic episodes it's possible he didn't take his medication."
You shook your head,
"That doesn't make sense. Papa had manic episodes before, some where he was depressed but he never hurt himself."
"I don't mean to speak out of turn but wasn't he recently charged with aggravated assault against you?" Officer Yong said
"So you're saying he aggravated assaulted himself?" You shot back.
Your mother patted your back and offered you another tissue before she looked back at the officer. He sighed and asked you if you knew of anyone that might want to hurt him but you didn't know of anyone your father knew outside of work. His coworkers preferred to keep away from him because of his attitude. It was looking like suicide was the only real option but it peaked the police's curiosity that he didn't leave a note.
"Not everyone leaves a note to be quite honest and it's up to the coroner to determine whether or not the wounds on him were truly self inflicted."
"Why did you call me here? If you already considered it to be suicide why bring me here to see that?" You cried.
Officer Yong looked away with shameful eyes and your mother picked up on it.
"Was my daughter a suspect?" She asked.
You looked at her confused for a moment and then saw her stand up to ask Officer Yong the question again. You looked at the officer not even realizing that might've been a possibility. Officer Yong sighed and said,
"I told you it was just a formality. We have to check."
"Check to see if I staged my own father's suicide?"
"You're the only one we could pin point that had a motive. After all, he assaulted you and had you in the hospital in a coma for three days."
"He's still my father! I was the one to offer him the deal so he didn't go to jail. I dropped the charges for him. I never wanted him to die." You said.
You couldn't get any angrier, you were only hurt. Officer Yong apologized but he had to ask you for an alibi. Thankfully you were with the boys around the time of death so anyone of them could've confirmed your whereabouts. While you were lucky enough to have someone confirm where you were, you were also angry. Why would your father suddenly take his life? It couldn't have been because he believed he didn't have anyone else. He had purposely kicked you out of his life. Why did he do this? You went home without your mother and crawled into bed. You tried to make yourself disappear into the sheets. You wanted to stay there and never leave. There was a knock on the door that you had ignored until you heard Junmyeon's voice from the other side. You didn't feel like moving to open it up for him though. You just texted him where the spare key was. You heard Lady meowing at him as he entered your bedroom.
"Y/n? What's going on? Are you playing a game?" He asked.
You felt the bed sink from his weight and he pulled the covers from off your head. You couldn't even look at him but he could tell from your look something was wrong.
"What's wrong? Don't tell me your father came back to harrass you?"
"My father's dead." You said weakly.
"He killed himself."
Junmyeon looked at you shocked and quite disturbed as well. A single tear floated from one eye and across the bridge of your nose. Junmyeon let out a pained sound. He sank down so he could see your face,
"I'm sorry." He said.
"I'm not meant to be happy am I?"
"Why say that?"
"Anytime I feel like I'm top of the world...something happens that has me crashing down. I don't want this anymore."
"Want what exactly? "
You heart panged so hard it felt like someone took a hammer to it. You felt like someone had crushed your spirit and was stealing your life force from you. You felt like you couldn't breathe.
"I don't want this pain."
"Then give it to me. Give me everything you have, I'll do what ever I can to take it away."
You tried not to cry but the tears came down even more. Junmyeon wrapped his arms around you and you moved so close to him you could've sank into his body. You shook your head,
"Everyone wants to protect me but it doesn't work. Seohyun might be right, I am just a weakling. I'm sick of all this trauma in my life."
"Seohyun is a sadistic bitch that is only interested in hurting people for her own sake. She's wrong about you, there's nothing weak about you." Junmyeon argued.
You stared into space as you laid there. Junmyeon wanted to help you, you knew he did but you weren't sure he could. Seohyun was right, your happiness was crashing down around you.....
"Wait a minute." You blinked.
You sat up as you thought about what Seohyun said to you at Uni. Was that a coincidence or was she telling you exactly what she had done?
"That bitch." You whispered.
"What? What did you just realize?" Junmyeon asked.
You threw the covers off of you and jumped out of bed. You got your shoes back on and stormed out of the house. You asked him for Seohyun's address. He was hesitant on giving it to you but you were determined to get it from him no matter what. He could tell you were angry. He gave you the address and you took a cab all the way to her place. The butler answered the door when you two got there and you burst into the house walking right past him looking for Seohyun.
"Song Seohyun get your ass down here and face me right now!" You yelled in the foyer.
Junmyeon came to your side,
"Y/N what's going on, what are we doing here?"
Seohyun came downstairs, hair brushed over her shoulder wearing a red dress with a slit up the side and her shoulders exposed. She looked like she was ready to enjoy either a nice evening with a date or go to the club to choose her next victim. That smug smile on her face made you furious. Your hands balled into fists and as she descended to your level you said,
"You did it didn't you? You're the reason my father killed himself."
"Oh that poor fool went and did that to himself? He's as weak as you, maybe even more so. All because your mother had an affair with a woman."
She chuckled even as your nails dug into your palms. Adrenaline pumped through you and red flashed past your eyes. Her smile needed to be erased. You felt a dangerous kind of anger towards her. The kind of anger that made a person kill. You tried to hold it back. Junmyeon grabbed your shoulder trying to calm you.
"You're sick. You did all of this for what?" you seethed
"Well I wouldn't have found it necessary if your little friend didn't have all my pictures erased. I told you I was going to take down your little kingdom princess. You're nothing. You think you're a smart little fox because you have Minseok behind you? Without any of them- you're just a pathetic little girl who's mommy didn't love her enough to stay."
There was nothing holding you back anymore. You snapped and punched her across her jaw. She hit the floor with a hard thud, her hand went to her face and tears stung her eyes. She tried to exercise her jaw to release the pain. The butler threatened to call the police and you were close to telling him to do so.
She looked up at you with piercing hate in her eyes. She tried to grin again but it proved to be a little too painful for her. Her eyes shifted from you to Junmyeon as she said,
"How do you think?"
You looked back at Junmyeon in a painful shock. Junmyeon looked from Seohyun to you. He looked just as shocked as you.
"You told her?" You asked.
"The night he got drunk to be exact." She added salt in the wound.
You turned back to her and snapped,
"You need to leave." The butler said.
"No don't let her go, call the cops instead." She said standing up.
You were about to hit her again and the butler was about to go make the call when a voice at the top of the stairs said,
"There's no need."
Everyone looked up and an older man descended the stairs. Seohyun called out to him, her father it seemed. He was cold towards her while she was trying to get comfort from him. He was staring you in the eyes, one hand in his pocket and the scar on the right corner of his lip made him look even more shady than you were sure he already was.
"My daughter's actions towards you will be thoroughly punished I assure you. You've done enough in my home however, I'll have to ask you to leave." He said.
Mr. Song turned away from you and grabbed Seohyun by the back of her neck practically dragging her into another room. It briefly reminded you of how your father would sometimes reprimand you. Junmyeon stepped up and touched your shoulder begging you to leave, you swatted his hand away,
You stalked out of the Song home, Junmyeon following behind you pleading with you to listen to him. You were hurt, the one person you loved betrayed you. You had a slight hope that your father might one day see you as his daughter again but that possibility had been erased by the carelessness of Junmyeon's drunken lips and Seohyun's vindictive heart. Your mother wanted to form a relationship with you and even if that was something worth looking forward to, no matter how many times you tried to grab onto happiness it always seemed like your life was hitting you hard with blunt force trauma...