My social anxiety is creeping back up at me.

Ive been dealing with social anxiety for a while now and just this week I had my last appointment with my counselor. I've been doing really good and haven't felt the need to run or panic around people lately. Just yesterday I decided to go out with my roommate and meet some new people. I told myself to be confident and not to panic, Id be alright. The conversation with my roommate earlier in the day had left me rather emotional and unstable but I decided to go out anyway to get my mind off things. There were some really nice people and I felt quite comfortable with them. We decided as a group to go to In and Out and grab some food before going to one of their houses to chill. While there I panicked a little because ordering food by myself never went well. I got through it but then my roommate wanted me to go change it from here to To Go. I couldn't bring myself to do it and tried explain to her that I just couldn't. She was pushing but luckily another girl from the group did it for me. I felt like avoided disaster and was grateful to the girl. I had gotten coffee but couldn't see the creamer, only the sugar. My confidence was still shot so I asked my roommate if she could for me and she was about to ask her friend but the kind gentleman that was with us seemed to notice my distress and got up and did it for me. The worker told me where it was and went to get it for me and was going to hand it to me before my roommate shoved me and told me not to be rude and go get it myself. I didn't feel like I was being rude. I was just panicky and felt like my feet were glued to the floor. As I was trying to put my creamer into my coffee the creamer exploded all over me. I felt like crying. The kind and only male of our group again immediately got up and got napkins. I was ashamed of myself. The confidence that I had been strutting around for weeks had been completely shattered. I didn't get anymore creamer or sugar. I sat at a table, kept quiet, held my head down, and drank my bitter coffee. It seemed the kind man was extremely perceptive. He sat down next to me and asked If I was alright from what had happened earlier. I lied and quietly said I was fine. He was superbly kind to me and the memory of that moment still burns in my brain. I got roped in later on to go to a club tonight. I am beyond scared that my confidence hasn't been boosted up to the point where I can go out again. Im willing to give it a try but Im afraid that it just wont end well. I want to overcome the anxiety that cripples me everyday but this was a major set back.

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