Trying to see the light..

I keep trying to see the light at the end of the tunnel. I try to see the light that brights up the day. I try to forget about all the pain.. but everyday there's something in my way, I'm sick in my head a life undesired. I keep remembering when my tummy was humming with life inside.. keep thinking about how the baby became two . I keeping thinking about the day I felt nothing, so lonely.. flash backs of when I was sitting on the bed and I seen two that read twins.. but no sound not a beat. Feeling so dead as I hang my head crying because the second lady came in and said nothing. It goes me thinking and wondering why me or maybe its because of me.. I don't want to live without them Even if there in this box I'm holding I had a dream before I knew about the pregnancy... me holding two little baby's.. a girl and a boy that's when I knew they where who I was carrying .. turned out that they didn't stay with me .. I cry every time and lay with them next me.. enough tears to fill another ocean so much pain its killing every other emotion triggering only anger and sadness.. feeling at my lowest

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