The 5 Hippest Jobs For Laid-Off American Apparel Employees

Yesterday, troubled retailer American Apparel announced plans to cut expenses by $30 million in an effort to create more rebranding capital. Over an 18-month period, the company will be closing underperforming stores and laying off staff.

So I can't help but wonder, what is 'life after death' for the terminated American Apparel employee?

Fortunately for them, I've compiled a list of jobs to help smooth the transition without damaging their preciously maintained credibility. So here they are - five new jobs for laid-off American Apparel employees. Hipster approved.

Pet-Sit For Morrissey.

One thing that's true about most vegans is they tend to have a crap ton of rescued animals. And you know who's the hippest vegan doggie parent around? Morrissey. Pet-sit for Moz when he's out on his seventh 'farewell' tour, and you'll be rolling in hipster cred. (And make sure to remember the rules of feeding Moz's dogs - Iams, bad. Irish whiskey, okay.)

Join Edward Sharpe & The Magnetic Zeros.

Everybody knows the (super hip) gypsy-folk outfit, Edward Sharpe & The Magnetic Zeros, but not many know that one of the band's founding members, Jade Castrinos, was an American Appy employee herself. That can be your 'in'. These peeps are hiring all the time. Seriously, just look at how many grungy-looking dudes are in this picture.

Manage A Kabbalah Bookstore.

When followers of Kabbalah aren't in deep meditation, charging their iPads, or touring as Madonna's spiritual healer, they apparently really like reading books. I know, sounds pretty drab. But hey, when it comes to cult religions, Kabbalah is cool and vintage now. And nobody likes Scientology anymore. Too mainstream. Even my grandma's a Scientologist these days.

Or Better Yet, Start Your OWN Religion.

See that guy in the middle there? That right there is Andrew Keegan. Back in the 90s, he was in Teen Beat Magazine and '7th Heaven'. Now he's the leader of his very own hipster cult called Full Circle where everyone drinks home-brewed Kombucha and pets his giant bird. No, that's not even a euphemism. He's literally got a huge macaw. It's blue. Just look at it.

Start A 'One For One' Company That Donates Records To Developing Countries.

So TOMS has been sending pairs of shoes to those in need for years now. And company's like Canada's Mealshare have been working to feed the hungry. But somewhere in the world, there is a child that has never heard anything produced by Alan Moulder on vinyl. Isn't it time that we start addressing the REAL issues here? You could be that person.

There you have it, ex-American Appys. I hope that was enough creativity for you to feel a renewed sense of motivation. And fear not. If none of these work for you, you can always become a nightlife photographer, lifestyle blogger, or at the very least, Whole Food cashier.

The world remains your (environmentally sustainable) oyster.

"Life is demanding without understanding."
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